***
When Chris got to his office that morning, Kyle was already there, waiting for him.
“Dude, what the fuck do you want here this early morning?” Chris asked with surprise.
“We need to talk. Sit.” Kyle’s voice was clipped.
Chris raised an eyebrow at his friend’s tone but he dropped into the comfortable seat opposite the couch Kyle was sitting in. “Okay, what is it?”
“Shane Lewis,” Kyle said simply, making Chris groan. “You have to be careful, Chris.”
“What do you mean, be careful?” Chris asked with a frown.
Kyle pushed forward to sit at the edge of his seat and stared intently at Chris. “I know you feel guilty because of what you did to the guy years ago but please, don’t let the guilt blind you and make you do something that you’re not ready for.”
“I’m not doing anything I’m not…”
“Listen to me, Chris.” Kyle cut Chris off. “I will be the first person to agree that what you did was wicked and shitty but hey…big deal. You were a kid for fuck’s sake. You can’t punish yourself for the rest of your life. From where I stand, you’re trying very hard to be what you’re not just to please Shane because you feel you owe him something.”
Chris shook his head slowly. He’d actually been expecting this talk from Kyle since he asked Aaron for pointers on gay sex two weeks earlier. Chris wondered why it had taken Kyle so long. “That’s where you’re wrong, Kyle.” He rasped. “I’m not trying at all. And that’s what scares me.”
“What…?” Kyle looked confused.
“Whatever I’m doing, I really want to do it.” Chris said quietly. “I…I enjoy it.”
“Have you…”
“None of your fucking business but, no. Not yet.” Chris growled, knowing exactly what his friend had been about to ask. “Let’s just say the little I’ve done felt so fucking good, I want to do it over and over again.”
The two friends stared at each other. Whilst Chris’ grey eyes showed clearly how confused he was, Kyle’s was full of worry and resignation.
“How do you feel about him?” Kyle asked softly.
“What are you? A shrink?” Chris growled.
“Chris…”
Chris gave a helpless shrug and covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know, man.” He groaned and uncovered his face. “Yes, I feel a lot of guilt but there’s also this feeling of…contentment, joy…and fulfillment whenever I think of him or I’m with him. Do you understand me, Kyle?” Chris asked but didn’t wait for Kyle to respond. “I don’t know how to describe the exact feeling but…the thought of not being with him, or never seeing him again hurts right here.” Chris rubbed against his chest. “I just feel…incomplete without him…like there’s something missing,” Chris whispered. “Does that even make sense?”
Kyle cleared his throat. “It makes perfect sense.” He said, knowing exactly what his friend was experiencing. Aaron had been right after all. Chris was hopelessly in love with Shane. But he didn’t want to spell it out to Chris. “Do you have any idea how he feels?”
Chris shook his head slowly. “I mean it’s obvious he likes me but I don’t know how he feels. It’s very difficult to read him, Kyle. I don’t…I don’t know how serious he is about this. I don’t know whether he’s merely having fun. Hell, I don’t know whether he’s setting me up only to pay me back. I just don’t know.” Chris groaned. “But I don’t care. I just want to be with him…want to make him happy.” He added in a whisper.
“Damnit, Chris,” Kyle growled. It was obvious Chris was hurting and Kyle was pissed at how helpless he felt.
Chris gave a humourless laugh. “You see…I’m terrified he’s going to crush my heart, but I don’t want to slow down. I don’t know how to stop the way I feel about him. Kyle…”
“Talk to him, Chris. You have to know how he feels about you. I know you feel because of what you did, he has every right to use you or toy with your feelings but that shouldn’t be the case. You can only know where he stands if you ask him, Chris. Talk to him. Okay?”
Chris nodded. “Okay.”
“You’re both adults. You shouldn’t be scared to talk about how you feel. We’re worried about you. Damon is not happy. I don’t know exactly what he saw but…he kinda thinks you need rescuing.” Kyle smiled for the first time since seeing Chris that morning.
“Come on, I’m fine.” Chris chuckled, knowing exactly why Damon thought that. He knew he had to talk to the guys. Let them know he was okay. They were his family.
“Good.” Kyle stood up and turned towards the door. “See you tomorrow…” It was a question.
“Can’t. But you’ll see me next week. I promise.” Chris said in a soft voice. He missed his boys.
“Okay.” Kyle nodded. “We miss you.”
“I know.”
“Talk to him, Chris.” And with that, Kyle was gone.
And even as Chris got ready for his meeting, Kyle’s words kept ringing in his mind.
***
“Sir, Mr. Shane Lewis is here to see you.” Chris froze when he heard what his personal assistant had to say. He looked up at Amanda, his sexy PA, wondering why she had chosen to come into his office to give him that message instead of merely informing him on the intercom.
“Did he just get here?” Chris asked, clicking ‘send’ on the mail he was sending.
“He’s been here for the past…” she paused to look at her wristwatch, “two and a half hours…”
“What?” Chris’ eyes widened in shock. Why was Shane looking for him in his office? Whatever it was must be very important if he actually waited all that while just to see him.
***
“He came in whilst you were meeting the project team,” Amanda said. “He said he knew you were busy and insisted I shouldn’t interrupt your meeting.”
Chris stood up just as his phone started to ring. “Show him in.” He said curtly, picking up the phone. “Oh hello, Cyrus. Listen, I’ll get back to you shortly please.” He told the person on the line and hung up.
Chris got to the door just as it opened and Shane stepped in. Before he could open his mouth to say a word to the gorgeous hunk standing in front of him, Chris felt himself being pulled into the tightest embrace ever. Shane’s arms wrapped tightly around Chris’ waist as he buried his face in the crock of Chris’ neck and held on as if he was never going to let him go. Chris noticed two things at the same time… Shane was shaking like a leaf. And from his harsh breathing, the man was virtually on the edge of a breakdown. Confused and totally scared, Chris wound his arms around Shane’s shoulders and hugged him right back.
“What is it, baby?” He murmured softly, one hand cradling the back of Shane’s head. “Talk to me.”
But Shane’s trembling only intensified. Chris’ heart pounded with worry. Damn Amanda for not telling him earlier when Shane showed up. To think Shane had actually been waiting for him in that state was disheartening.