***
Chris woke up to the beeping of his phone, indicating that he had a message.
Shane: Are u up?
Chris: Just did. Sleep well?
Shane: Couldn’t. My bed still smells of u.
Chris: Do I smell that bad?
Shane: Lol! That’s not what I meant and u know it.
Chris: Do I? [straight faced simile]
Shane: Yep. Your scent made me wish you were in bed with me. Did u sleep well when u got home? I noticed that u tossed and turned the whole night…
Chris: I slept just fine.
Shane: May I call u?
Chris stared at his phone for a moment, and then dialed Shane’s number.
“Is everything alright?” Shane asked immediately he picked up. Somehow he couldn’t help but notice a strain within Chris.
“Yes,” Chris said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know. I just…”
“What?” Chris’ voice was low.
Shane sighed. “Never mind. Let me allow you to get ready. What time is your meeting?”
“I’m going to be in meetings from eight a. m. to noon,” Chris informed Shane. “How about you? Have a busy day ahead?”
“Not really. I do have a meeting with Damon this morning. The rest are not so important.”
“Okay. Have a lovely day then.” Chris said quietly.
“You too.”
“Catch you later,” Chris said and then hung up.
Shane stared at his silent phone, wondering what was going on. Chris sounded distant…seemed to be withdrawing and Shane could feel it. Had he done something wrong, Shane wondered as his heart pounded. Was Chris regretting what had happened between them? Was he perhaps angry because he hadn’t returned the favour? Shane didn’t know what to think. But he knew one thing for sure… He couldn’t stand the thought of Chris withdrawing from him. He wasn’t going to let that happen. He needed to talk to Chris.
***
Shane stared at the bowed head of Damon, wondering what was going through the man’s head. They had just finished their meeting which had taken place in Shane’s office. It had been between just the two of them and they’d covered everything on the agenda. But though the meeting had come to an end, it was obvious Damon still had something on his mind. It was also obvious that whatever he wanted to say, he was having difficulty spitting it out. When Shane felt he couldn’t take the silence any longer, he cleared his throat and spoke.
“Err…Damon?”
“Shane?” Came Damon’s gruff tone.
“What is it?”
Damon raised his head and looked right at Shane with worried blue eyes. “Listen, I know this is none of my business but…could you please go easy on Chris?”
“What?” Shane whispered, looking at Damon with confusion and incredulity in his beautiful eyes. “Did he say I did…”
“He hasn’t said anything, Shane,” Damon said, cutting Shane off. “Actually, I’ve been waiting for him to say something but he hasn’t. And he spends all his time with you now so I don’t get to really talk to him as I would have wished.” Damon raked his fingers through his hair, showing how frustrated he was.
“So if he hasn’t said anything, why would you…”
“I know my friend, Shane.” Damon started in a somewhat cold voice. “I know the two of you go way back but…” Damon shrugged, “with all apologies, you’ve been apart for a very long time so you don’t know the kind of person he is now.”
“I’m sorry Damon but Chris and I understand each other.” Shane’s voice had gone equally cold. “We are both old enough to know what we want. I’ll agree with your first words…what we do is none of your business.” Shane stood up. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”
“Shut the fuck up and listen to me,” Damon growled, shocking Shane so much, his jaw dropped. “Chris is my friend and I care about him. You don’t know the kind of man he is now. He’s a very noble and decent person but he’s also a very proud successful young man. Calling him out at that meeting as if you were talking to a small child was not a good thing. No one talks to Chris like that.” Damon got to his feet then and stared Shane down. “I know he wronged you. I know what he did was terrible and totally awful. And you might feel he deserves to be punished or even mistreated as payback. I mean the guy probably feels too guilty to fight back, right? But trust me, Shane, he’s been punished enough. You were not the only person who had to live with what he did. It’s affected his life too you know.” Damon took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck! Do you know he actually tried to kill himself when he came back to his senses and realized what he’d done to you?” Damon rasped.
“What?” Shane whispered, feeling his heartbeat accelerate.
“Uh-huh.” Damon nodded his head. “When he left you in his room that night, he ran to his dad’s study, grabbed his gun, and run into the woods to shoot himself.”
“Oh my God!” Shane’s voice shook.
“Fortunately, the gun was empty. He only got to know it was actually empty when no bullet came out after he’d shot at his own head. Twice.”
“Oh fuck!” Shane lost all feeling in his leg and sat heavily in his chair. “I didn’t know that.” He whispered.
“And I bet he hasn’t told you how he looked for you when he was old enough to but you were nowhere to be found…” Damon looked down at Shane as the other man shook his head slowly, indicating that he didn’t know Chris had looked for him. “Well, now you know.” Damon gave a deep sigh. “He’s had to live with that guilt for all these years. Have any idea what it feels like to live with that kind of guilt? It eats you up…destroys you. Cut him some slack, Shane. That’s all I ask.” With that Damon turned and left Shane’s office.
Shane stared after Damon till the door shut behind him. Then it really hit him just how close he’d come to really losing Chris. He remembered checking that gun out with Chris several times as his father had almost always been absent. That gun had always been loaded and Chris knew it. Chris had actually taught Shane how to load a gun in that study, just as his father had taught him.
They would take out the bullets and reload…timing themselves the whole time to see who was faster. It was a miracle the gun had been empty that day of all days and Shane felt an intense wave of gratitude pass over him. Shane clearly remembered that a few days to that horrible day, Chris’ dad had told Chris sternly not to play in his study. The old man must have noticed the two boys were spending time in his study, probably playing with his gun, and unloaded it. Christ!
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.” Shane chanted as he stood up on shaky legs and reached for his car keys. He suddenly needed to see Chris so bad.