“My parents made him quit the team in high school because they thought it was a waste of time. They had this way of sucking out all the joy from his life. Like they found pleasure in it. No matter what James did, he wasn’t good enough for them. He was always wrong. They beat him down. I played baseball in high school and college and Jen was into drama club. And James had to watch us do whatever we wanted to. I think that hurt him too. It wasn’t just that my parents didn’t let him do the stuff he loved, it’s that they always made it seem like they liked him the least, you know? By not letting him do anything he wanted. But they got what they wanted, I guess. A genius techie who doesn’t speak to them. Their loss right?” Rob set his empty beer down on the coffee table.
I remembered the first speech that James had given in my Comm class. He had said he had wished he could be more like his sister… fearless. “Didn’t he ever stand up to them?” I thought about the paper I had seen in his copy of Harry Potter. He was trying to get emancipated.
“Yeah. With Rachel. I lied to you the other day when you asked about Rachel. It wasn’t just young love. He was obsessed with her. I think she felt the same about him. They spent every second they could together. So of course, my parents wanted to ruin that too. Even after they told him he had to choose between her and them paying for college, he held on to that relationship. They still talked in private. He promised her that once he got enough money, they could be together again. But then halfway through college, she just stopped talking to him. She refused to take his calls. She said it was over, without any explanation. That’s when he really lost it. I think he saw a way out of his life with her. An escape or something. I don’t really know. He was a mess. He just snapped. He hit rock bottom. He gave up on life.”
That wasn’t the story James had told me. He said their relationship had stopped when he had to choose between her and college. “And when he went to see her last week?”
“Did my parents really try to pay you five million dollars to walk away from James?”
I was surprised that James had told him that. “Yeah.”
Rob shook his head. “I don’t think James realized how far they’d go to get what they want.”
I shrugged. “What does this have to do with him visiting Rachel?”
“When you told James that they tried to pay you off… he thought maybe the same thing had happened with her. He thought they had paid her off too. That’s why she suddenly didn’t care about him anymore.”
I remembered James’ reaction when I had told him about his parents trying to pay me off. It kind of looked like he was realizing something for the first time. I thought he was just realizing how evil his parents really were. But he was realizing why Rachel abandoned him. “Why wouldn’t he tell me that?”
“I don’t know. He only went to go see her to confirm his suspicion. That was it. It wasn’t because he still has feelings for her. He would never cheat on you, Penny.”
“And? Was he right?”
Rob nodded. “They only offered her one million to walk away. She took the money without a second thought.”
“That’s awful.”
“It’s certainly fucked up.”
I took another sip of my beer. No wonder James felt like no one ever loved him. The love of his life chose money over him. Maybe she had only ever been with him for his money. The love of his life. Was she? Was Isabella? It didn’t feel like I was anymore. “He looked so happy to see her.”
“He just needed closure.”
“Maybe.”
“Penny, he loved her once, but not as much as he loves you now. Tonight was the only time I’ve ever seen him more upset than the day Rachel called things off. I know he probably said some stuff he didn’t mean, but he needs you, Penny. I don’t want to see him hit rock bottom again. You fixed him.”
“I didn’t. This place did. Teaching. He should be a professor again. He loved teaching.”
“If you think that’s what saved him, you’re lying to yourself. I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s with you. He was even agitated during his bachelor party because you two weren’t together. He needs you and only you.”
“So, he’s addicted to me. I can’t…”
“No, Penny. He’s devoted to you. There is a huge difference.”
I bit my lip. I wanted James to be here telling me these things. But Rob was right, there was a huge difference. If it was true though, James wouldn’t have said those things to me. He wouldn’t have told me to leave. “I’m not sure he is anymore.”
“Look, if I didn’t think what you had was real, you’d already be naked in my bed.”
I laughed.
“Seriously. I know it’s because you’re cold, but your nipples are so hard right now and I’m having trouble not staring.”
“Shit.” I put my beer down and crossed my arms in front of my chest again.
Rob laughed. “And if James wasn’t a fucking mess tonight, I also wouldn’t have…” Rob picked up his phone “… 17 missed calls from him.”
“Does he know you’re with me?”
“I haven’t told him. Do you want me to?”
I swallowed hard. “No. Not yet. I just need some time.”
Rob slid his phone back into his pocket. “Then I won’t. But time is one thing you don’t have much of. I already rented my tux for the wedding and I hate wasting money.”
“I thought James paid for the tux rentals?”
“That’s beside the point. Now, how about that pizza? And I’m sure I have a bra that’s your size. 32 B, right?”
“Why do you know that?”
“I know things.” He got up off the couch. “By the way, I saw you staring at the kitchen counter like you were remembering being fucked against it. I’ve always wondered… exactly how many places in this apartment did you bang my brother?”
I looked around the apartment. “None of the guest bedrooms.”
“You’re both disgusting.” He laughed and disappeared into his room.
I pulled out my phone. James hadn’t called me at all. I wasn’t mad at him anymore. I was just sad. If he called, I’d answer it in a heartbeat. Call me. Say something. Anything. Give me something to hold on to.