“That’s not what it looked like to me. It looked like he was fucked up and needed you more than ever.”
“If you’re going to make me feel guilty, you can just let me off here. James kicked me out. Do you think I don’t want to be there for him? That’s not fair, Rob. You don’t know the whole story. And he might need me, but he sure as hell doesn’t want me.”
“Okay. Newark it is then.” He put on his turn signal and drove toward the highway. He put his hand on my shoulder. “How about you start from the beginning?”
***
The elevator doors opened into Rob’s apartment. He had changed a lot of things from when it used to be James’. James and I had visited a lot, but not that recently. I ran my hand along the marble countertop.
Rob seemed to believe everything I had told him. He was wondering why I hadn’t come to him sooner, since Isabella had never mentioned going to James’ friends. And I didn’t have an answer. It all happened so fast.
“If you want to take a shower, just use the master. I don’t have any shampoo or anything in the guest bathroom.”
“Actually, a shower sounds great.” My clothes were still a little damp. “Do you have something I could change into after while my dress dries?”
“Yeah.”
I followed him into the master bedroom. The bed was in a different spot and the sheets were black instead of white. It hadn’t felt like a bachelor pad when James lived here, but it did now.
“Here,” Rob said and tossed me a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top. “Those should fit.”
I looked up at him. “I don’t even want to know why you have these clothes.”
“Women sleep over a lot. I’m a snuggler.” He shrugged. “They leave things.”
“I never pictured you as the type of guy that let women spend the night.”
“I’m letting you spend the night.”
I laughed. “Fair enough. Thanks for these.” I walked into the master bathroom and closed the door. I tried not to picture James in here with me as I turned on the water. Or as I lathered up my body with soap. I tried not to picture him pushing me against the cold tiles. Fuck. Luckily Rob didn’t used the same body wash as James or I probably would have lost it again. I quickly got out and dried off.
Looking through Rob’s drawers for a comb reminded me of doing the same when it was James’ place. When I was a student and he was my professor. I loved spending the night with him. I loved the way he made me feel. For the first time in my life, I had felt alive. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then quickly looked away. I didn’t want to think about him. Especially if he was back home upset about something I didn’t really do. Or worse, getting over it with Mason’s help. Just like Mason had helped him find a great location for a bachelor party. James cheated on me.
I found a comb and quickly brushed out my hair before getting dressed. The outfit fit perfectly. It was good that Rob hooked up with tons of random women. I hung up my wet clothes and towel to dry and made my way out of the bathroom. I kept my arms folded in front of my chest. My bra had been too wet to put back on and I didn’t want to have to ask Rob for one.
He looked up at me as I came out of his bedroom, and then he immediately looked away. “Do you want something to drink?” He opened up the fridge. “I think I have a bottle of wine somewhere…”
“A beer is fine.” I sat down cross-legged on his couch.
Rob laughed. “And that’s why I love you.” He grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped off the tops. He handed one to me before sitting down next to me on the couch. “Are you hungry or anything?”
“No, I’m good.” We had gotten some fast food at a drive through on the way here. I wasn’t hungry then either, but I had eaten a few fries.
“You’re seriously turning down Grottos?”
I laughed. “I’m not hungry.”
“Geez, you are upset.”
I took a sip of my beer. “Yeah. You know, this might be the last time we ever get to hang out.”
“James gets me in the breakup, huh?”
“As his brother, yeah, I think so. And Mason and therefore Bee. And Matt. And Jen.”
“If he lets you go, he’s a fucking idiot.”
“He already did.”
Rob shook his head. “James still wants to marry you. You have to know that.”
“He said he never wanted to see me again.”
“Because he was drunk and upset and…”
“He still said it.” I took another sip of my beer. “He said it was only ever about sex.”
Rob shook his head again. “He showed me the pictures that you threw at him. That one of him having sex was from college. He hasn’t had a beard that long since he was strung out on drugs. He was a dumb kid.”
Oh. That made sense. But it didn’t change anything. “He was probably the same age there as I was when I met him.”
“But you had your shit together.”
“I didn’t. I fell in love with my professor.”
Rob laughed.
“What about the other pictures? The ones of Rachel?”
Rob stared at me for a second before speaking. “My parents were awful to James growing up. You knew that, right? They ignored me and Jen. We definitely got the better end of the deal. But James was the prodigal son. Nothing he did was ever good enough. Living like that… it’s a lot of pressure.”
I was an only child. I knew what it felt like to want to please your parents. I was always worried that I would disappoint them. But they had never pressured me to do anything in particular. They always seemed proud of me no matter what I did. “I don’t know that much about his childhood. He doesn’t really talk about it.”
“He wanted to play football. Did you know that? That was his dream.”
I shook my head. He had never told me that. He loved watching the Giants games with Rob. That was one of their favorite things to do together. But I never knew he wanted to be playing. “He never told me.”