I was holding on to something that had never existed. It felt like I was melting into the rain.
James was wrong. I could take care of myself. I didn’t need his handouts. I had my debit card with a few thousand dollars left in my bank account. It was all the money I had saved up working stupid summer jobs in high school and in college before meeting James. And it was all I needed. It was all I had ever needed. I’d use it to leave. That’s what he wanted. He didn’t want to see me ever again.
I would have followed James to the ends of the earth. I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked down at it. There were no missed calls or messages. He wanted me to leave. So I’d do that for him too. I’d disappear. It felt like I already had. I wasn’t me without him.
I wasn’t sure when my tears stopped. It was hard to tell in the rain. But eventually I was numb. All James had to do was ask me to stay. If there was anything I could hold on to I would. But he wanted me to leave. I wasn’t the one that needed saving. He did. He needed someone stronger than me. Better than me.
I kept walking, like I knew where I was going. But I was completely lost. The truth was, I had nowhere to go. I hadn’t come from nothing, but I felt like I was nothing now. Nothing without him. I just needed to get to the airport. I needed to get as far away from New York as two thousand dollars would take me.
A car beeping pulled me out of my thoughts. Water splashed onto my legs as it came to a stop next to me on the road. I didn’t recognize the car. I picked up my pace. A car door slammed.
“Penny!” Rob called after me.
“Rob?” I turned around. “What are you doing here? I asked you to take care of…”
“Penny, get in the car.”
I had never seen Rob upset before. But he was clearly distressed. “I don’t need your help, Rob. I’m fine.”
“You’re walking in the middle of a storm without a coat, or umbrella, or… shoes?” He looked at my high heels in my hand. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Please, just leave me alone.”
“And you’re clearly lost. The city is that way,” he said and pointed over his shoulder. “I’m taking you home. So, get in the car.”
“Rob, James broke up with me. I don’t have a home to go to. And I’m not your problem anymore.” That’s what James had said to me. That I was no longer his problem. That extended to his family too.
“Even if you two did break up, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still friends. Get in the car, Penny.”
“I don’t need James’ handouts.”
“I came after you by myself. Just get in the car. Please.”
“How did you find me?”
“You have a GPS in your phone.”
“James tracks me?”
“He worries about you.”
“He’s not worried about me anymore.”
“That’s not true. He loves you. You know that.”
“Did he say that to you?” I let a small spark of hope run through me.
Rob slowly shook his head. The spark died before it had even lit. “Please, Penny. Just let me drive you wherever it is you’re going. He’ll want to know that you’re safe.”
He doesn’t care if I’m safe or not. He wants me to disappear. “Will you take me to the airport?” I pressed my lips together. This was it. I was really going.
“If that’s what you really want, then yes.”
I had no idea where I was. I didn’t want James’ help, but I needed it. Maybe I was a nuisance. He’d be rid of me soon enough, though. “Okay.” I walked around to the passenger’s side of the car and got in. My wet legs squeaked against the leather seats. I wasn’t even sure they’d let me on a plane like this. “I’m sorry, I feel like…”
“It’s fine, Penny. You know, you’ve been walking in the opposite direction of the city,” Rob said as he started the car. “The J. F. K. airport is 45 minutes away without traffic. So, it’ll be at least an hour.” He gave me a smile as he pulled the car away from the curb. There was always traffic in New York. But his joke didn’t make me laugh.
It would have taken me forever to walk to the airport. “Thanks, Rob. For helping me when you didn’t have to.”
Rob shook his head. “Penny, I care about you. You’re like a little sister to me. An annoying little sister who likes putting herself in danger. What were you thinking?”
I looked out the window. We really were in the middle of nowhere. It was strange how once you left the city, you couldn’t tell you were close to it. I didn’t want to disappear. I just wanted to see something familiar. “I wasn’t thinking. I just… it’s not like I have anything worth mugging anyway.”
Rob didn’t laugh.
“Can you take me to Newark instead?”
He looked over at me, but didn’t say anything.
“Rob, did you go see him?”
He nodded.
I looked down at my hands. That’s why Rob wasn’t joking around with me. He thought I was a horrible person too. “It’s not what you think.”
“So you didn’t steal 20 million dollars from James and give it to your ex?”
“I think I actually did do that. But I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. And I didn’t have a choice.”
“And you told James that?”
“I tried to. Rob, I…” I put my face in my hands and started crying again. “He doesn’t believe me. I thought he trusted me. I thought… I mean, we were going to get married. It was all a lie. He never loved me.”
“I believe you. I know you wouldn’t hurt him. But he’s hurting anyway. He’s…” his voice trailed off. “You need to go talk to him…”
“Did you leave him alone?”
“Mason’s with him.”
I nodded my head. “I can’t see him, Rob. He made it very clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”