Friday
When I woke up, I had almost forgotten where I was. I expected to open my eyes and be in my apartment with James. Instead, my head was resting on Rob’s shoulder on the couch. We were both sitting up and his arm was wrapped around my shoulders. He always joked around about sexual stuff, but Rob really was like a brother to me. And he had been there for me when I needed him. I quietly ducked out from under his arm.
He groaned in his sleep. His ankles were crossed and his feet were on the coffee table. He must have been uncomfortable but he had stayed with me instead of going to his bed. I really hoped this wasn’t the last time I’d get to see him.
I grabbed my phone. There were still no calls from James. If he hadn’t meant what he said, wouldn’t he have contacted me by now? The reality seemed even more alarming than it had last night. Rain was pounding against the windows, somehow reminding me of what I had just lost. I wanted to see James, but I knew I couldn’t. He had to be the one to reach out to me. He was the one that had told me to disappear. So instead of going to him, I’d go to a place where it would feel like I was close to him.
I walked into Rob’s closet. I had been wearing high heels last night and I didn’t want to change back into my dress. There were a pair of girly flip flops in Rob’s closet. Those would do. I slid them on even though they were a little too big. Taking something from Rob’s closet reminded me of when I had run back to my dorm in just one of James’ t-shirts. I would never forget those memories. Even the bad ones just seemed good now. Because they were with him.
Rob groaned in his sleep again. I didn’t want to be here when he woke up. He needed to go back to New York. James was the one that needed him right now. Not me. I was stronger than James seemed to realize.
I glanced at the clock on the oven as I walked toward the elevator doors. It was only 6 a. m. The coffee shop wouldn’t be open for another hour. But I didn’t care. I’d just stand outside. I just needed to be there. It felt like I was being drawn to it. I needed to remember the best day of my life.
Before I pressed the elevator button, I froze. I’d do anything for James. If he asked me to jump, I’d jump. He knew that. He knew how much I cared. And he had asked me to disappear. He knew I’d do it for him. I looked down at the ring on my finger. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t reached out to me at all. This was what he wanted. I loved him. I loved him so much. And if this was what he wanted, I’d give it to him. I pulled the ring off my finger and set it down on the kitchen counter. If James needed me to disappear, I’d disappear.
* * *