“And that’s really why you didn’t want me to take you up on your offer of being my boyfriend? All you ever wanted was sex.”
“No. What? No. I mean, yes I wanted to have sex with you, but I wanted more than that. I just wasn’t sure I’d ever get more. I took advantage of the situation. And I’m sorry.” He looked over at the stairs. “We didn’t do anything. She gave me ice for my nose. We just fell asleep in my room.”
“I want you to be happy too.”
Tyler smiled his small, pained smile. “Well I’ve never been happier than I was last night. Before every possible thing went wrong.”
“Thank you for trying to protect me.”
“Don’t put me in a good light for that. I think I did it more for my own ego than for you.”
“Still.” I bit my lip. “Do you think we can go back to being friends?”
“I…” Tyler shrugged. “It’s going to take me some time to stop picturing you on my bed in nothing but green high heels.”
“You’re not easy to forget either.” I looked over at him. “Actually, you’re not leaving very much to the imagination right now.”
Tyler laughed. “I should probably get back up there.”
“Of course.” I stood up quickly. I felt a little dizzy. I shook my head to help clear my head.
“Do you need me to walk you back?”
“No. I’m okay. Go back to your lady friend.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s Natalie.”
I smiled at him. “I hope that you two can be together now. I’m sorry that I interfered so much. I’m going to go.” I turned away from him and walked to the door. It hurt a little that he was able to move on so fast. But hadn’t I? A selfish part of me was hoping he’d fight for me. Not literally this time. But he didn’t seem hurt at all that we’d just become a one night thing. He had known what it would be the whole time. I was the only one who didn’t know my feelings.
“Penny?”
I turned around. He walked over to me. He was looking at me intently. “Yes?”
“In case I never get another chance…” he grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me. I kissed him back. I wanted to remember what it was like to be with him too. When he released me, I felt a little lightheaded again.
“Feel better soon,” he kissed my forehead.
“You too.”
“I’ll see you on Monday.”
I watched him as he walked back up the stairs. When he disappeared from view, I let myself out of the frat house. That had gone better than I had ever expected. I actually felt like for the first time ever we were going to be just friends. I took a deep breath. Professor Hunter wasn’t going to like that. It didn’t matter. We were going to be honest with each other from here on out. And I could honestly say that I was just friends with Tyler.
The autumn sunshine felt good against my face. I crossed Main Street and began to walk toward Professor Hunter’s apartment. There was a lot more I wanted to talk to him about. I was exhausted. Part of me wanted to go back to my dorm room and just talk to him tomorrow. But it needed to be now. He needed to know that I was choosing him. There were just some contingencies. I shook my head. Guys hated ultimatums. But I didn’t know how else to do it.
I stopped at a bench and sat down. I felt out of breath and my head was pounding. Maybe I should call him and ask him to pick me up. I reached in my pocket and felt the envelope. I looked down at it as I pulled it out of my pocket. I ran my fingers across the top of the envelope. There was a small rip in the center of it. I gulped. This was the envelope that I had seen him with on my birthday. He had looked so distraught that night. And I had convinced myself that it had nothing to do with me. But it had everything to do with me. I pulled the envelope to my chest. Whatever was in here had upset him. Could it be worse than him sleeping with Isabella?
I pulled it back down to my lap and stared at it. In the center of the envelope was my name. Even his handwriting was sexy. It reminded me of the note he had left me in my syllabus. I smiled. I took a deep breath as I opened up the envelope.
I pulled out the contents. On top there were two tickets. They were VIP tickets to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Thanksgiving? Is he asking me to meet his family? I had watched the parade on television every Thanksgiving morning with my parents for as long as I could remember. I always wished I could go.
I quickly unfolded the note beneath the tickets. It was dated October 14th, the day before my birthday. I took a deep breath and read.
Penny,
I woke up late the first morning that classes started. I wouldn’t have come into the coffee shop at that moment unless I had forgotten to set my alarm. Who knew that such a small thing could change the rest of my life? You’ve captivated me from the very start. You’re timid, yet bold. You’re humorous, yet sincere. You’re young, yet wise. You’re gorgeous and you don’t know it. You’re contradictory, and challenging, and passionate. And I love you. I love you with all I am.
These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. Because you have captivated me, body and soul. I eat, breathe, and dream you. And when you’re not beside me, I feel such loss. When I see you in class, I can no longer breathe. When I think about you, I can no longer eat. And only nightmares of losing you accompany me in slumber.
I thought I knew what love was. But I was wrong. The love I have for you is something that I have never known. It is constant and all consuming and it terrifies me. The only thing scarier than realizing what my love for you is, is the fact that I have lost that love.
I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want to drag you into my darkness. But I realize that when I am with you, I am not the man I once was. When you look at me, I can feel the way you see me, and I become something better. I want to be the man that you need. And I feel like I can be everything you want.
But you need to know that I have many flaws. And one of them is weakness. When I realized my feelings for you, I left. I left you, and I have never regretted anything so much in my life. Because without you, I am not living. Only with you am I strong. Only with you am I good. Only with you am I whole.