“Hmm?”
“Um, there’s a call for you.”
As always, I have to bite down the hope that it’s Sebastian, even though I’ve asked her not to pass on any of his calls.
“Oh, thanks,” I reach out for the phone, “Who is it?”
“It’s Greg,” she says, naming the high school principal. She looks grim and I wonder if he’s said anything to her first.
“Hi, Greg,” I say into the phone, trying to sound as upbeat as I can.
“Cadence. How are you?” He sounds genuinely concerned, and I can’t imagine the position he’s been put in.
“As well as you can expect.”
“Ok, well, I hope it gets better soon. Unfortunately, I don’t think this conversation’s going to help.”
My stomach sinks. I’m not sure what I had expected, but I had hoped that I at least had the support of the school after everything I’d done there.
“Ok.”
“Look, the kids come back next week, we think it’d probably be less distracting for them if, at least for the first week, there’s a substitute for your classes, just so they can get settled into their new term.”
“And after?”
“And I guess, after, we’re still discussing it.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong, Greg.”
“I know, Cadence, if it was up to me, this wouldn’t be a thing, and you’d be in your classroom where you belong, but… it’s not just me.”
“I understand.”
“I’m doing everything I can, OK?”
“I know, I appreciate it,”
“Hey, take the week off to go somewhere, do something fun.” He suggests.
“That’s what got me in this position in the first place.” I say, without a bit of irony.
I hear him sigh, I know he’s in a hard place and I don’t want to make it worse for him. “Take care, I’ll talk to you soon.”
Sarah’s still there when I hang up the phone.
And she’s there when the tears come again.
“Oh, honey,” she comes around and wraps her arm around my shoulders. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair. But we’re going to get through this. We have before, remember?”
I do remember. I remember being in this exact same position seven years ago.
And the wounds that I thought had long been scarred over, feel like they’ve been ripped open again.
SEBASTIAN
“Sebastian!” I hear my name yelled and I jerk into consciousness.
“Ahh, what?!” I snap.
“Geez, man, get your head out of the clouds. Didn’t you hear us calling you?” Jez snaps back, irritated.
“No, I’ve blocked out your voices for the sake of my own sanity!”
“Dude. Chill.” Brad intervenes, in his peacemaking way.
“Sorry, guys, um, was just daydreaming. What’s up?”
“We were discussing the set list for next week. You up for it?”
“Yeah, er, whatever, you guys decide. Just let me know.”
I push off my seat and wander over to the couch, letting my head fall back. It’s pounding so hard, I can barely think. I’ve barely slept in days, and the endless rotation of vodka, then coffee and Red Bull hasn’t been the helpful cocktail I’d hoped it would be.
Being cooped up in the hotel probably hasn’t helped either.
Not that I know the difference.
I descended into my best impression of a zombie the moment Cadence walked out the door.
My heart twists just at the memory. Her face as she accused me of not caring about her, of not trusting her, of not protecting her.
And she was right. I hadn’t protected her.
I’d been blindsided. Those pictures had shocked me just as much as her. And now, when I should be doing everything I can to protect her from the aftermath, it’s too late, she won’t let me.
And who can blame her.
It’s almost four days later and I still don’t know what happened.
I’ve broken every promise I’ve made to her, except one.
She will still always be my muse.
***
“Get up,” a voice says just before a pillow comes down to smash over my head.
“Ferofffugturd!” I say, my voice muffled under the blanket.
“It’s time, mate,” another voice adds.
“For what?” I ask, pulling the blanket tighter around me and squeezing my eyes shut to block out the light.
“To live, mate. To live. And you know… shower.”
I ignore them, hoping they’ll go away if they realize I’m not up for this.
I should’ve known, I’m out of hopes this week.
“ARGHHHH FUCKKKKKNUCKLES! GET OFF MEEE!!” I yell as I feel the blanket pulled off me and two arms grab me by the legs and pull me off the bed.
“OOOMFFF!” I groan as I fall to the floor onto a pile of pillows.
“Leave me alone, cocksockers!” I growl at them, looking at the remaining three members of the band standing there chuckling at me.
“Dude. Seriously, we need to get out of here! We have serious cabin fever,” Jez begs me, and scrunches up his nose looking around the room I’ve barely left in days.
“So, go. I’m not stopping you.”
“All for one and one for all, right?” Marius remind me of our motto.
“I’m pretty sure we meant doing shots and having hangovers when we used to use that saying, bro.” I cock an eyebrow at him.
He grins, “Maybe that’s exactly what I meant.”
Jez comes over and sits down on my legs.
“Say you’ll get up and take a shower at least.”
I try to kick him off but he holds on. He should’ve been a rodeo cowboy.
“Say you’ll have a shower, stinky boy!”
“FINE!” I yell and he gets off me.
I take the chance to grab the blanket and try to pull it back over me.
“He’s going in! CHARGE!” I hear Marius yell and suddenly an onslaught of hands are grabbing at me, pulling my t-shirt off and pulling me by the legs to my ensuite.
“Assault, assault!!!” I try to yell, as I feel the cold bathroom tile slide under my legs and back.
There’s the sound of water as someone turns the shower on and suddenly I’m cold and wet and half-naked in the shower with my three best friends in the world.
And I lose it. And I start to sob.