“Oh shit. We broke him.” Brad stops and pulls back and points to me.
“I can’t tell, is he REALLY crying or is it the shower?” Marius sticks his face in mine and stares at me.
“What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!” Jez freaks out and presses himself back against the shower wall.
And I don’t stop. Sob after sob wracks through my body, even as my bandmates stand there and stare at me in horror.
“What the HELL is going on in here?”
We hear a fourth voice and turn around to see Dennis standing at the door.
“We, uh, we broke Sebastian.” Jez confesses hanging his head.
“Oh geez, what did you do?” Dennis takes a step closer and I try to bite back the sobs, composing myself.
“We… we tried to get him to take a shower.” Marius adds.
“They were just trying to help.” I finally speak up. I grab Jez’s hand and he helps me up. I smile at him, and even through the pain I’m feeling, my heart suddenly squeezes with love for these idiots standing here with me. Wet. In the shower.
Geez.
“Get the fuck out of here, pencilpricks, and let me get washed.” I say, pushing them out of the bathroom.
They slosh out one by one.
“Hey,” I call out just as they reach the bathroom door, “Thanks, guys.”
They nod, and file out.
And I wonder if living on their love alone is going to be enough for me for the rest of my life.
CADENCE
It won’t stop.
It’s been one week since the pictures were printed.
One week of hiding.
One week of ignoring calls and emails and text messages.
One week of Sarah filtering any communication, and only letting the most important or absolutely ridiculous (for humor value) through.
One week of no Sebastian.
Might as well have been one whole week of no air.
But almost complete seclusion gives a person space, perhaps too much space, to think. And the thought I’m having right now is I’ve finally realized something GOOD that came out of having a sex tape released of me seven years ago.
It’s that the second time around, I know what to expect.
The initial hysteria from family. Then the blame and humiliation. I’ve been sheltered from the scrutiny and judgment of strangers so far, but I know that’s coming. But I’m already experiencing the support and love from those who matter.
And that’s something I didn’t know at the tender age of seventeen, that there are people who will matter, and there are those who just don’t.
It’s easy to brush off the words and opinions of complete strangers, but when it feels like the predominant social conscience has a particular view of you, it can be hard to overcome.
I don’t know what the aftermath in terms of the media has been. Sarah decided that it would be better not to know, considering how I would burst into tears every time I came across a headline or saw the pictures in print again.
But I think it’s time.
Time to get back to my life. And to start the process of moving on.
I thought the tears were for me, for my loss of privacy, for my past and present conspiring to ruin my life. But the tears were for the loss of something else. The loss of something so beautiful, that never really had the chance to become something real.
“Sarah?” I call out to my friend, who’s never been more than a shout away.
“Yeah?”
“I think it’s time for pizza.”
She comes in, brushing her hair still wet from her shower. “Ok! You wanna order in? Or I can pick some up from the place downstairs?”
“No, let’s go somewhere together.”
“Out?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
“Yup.”
She sits down on the bed in front of me and reaches out and squeezes my hand. I smile to reassure her, and thank her. For being the difference between me getting through this, and not.
She looks at me for a moment, making her judgment and I don’t rush her. I owe her the right to make the decision, she earned it by being my shield for the last few days.
“Ok,” she nods and gets up. “Just let me get changed.”
SEBASTIAN
“Oh look, zombies do revert back to human form.” Jez says as I come out of the bedroom, fully dressed for the first time in days.
“Hey.” I say, and join them on the couch. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much, just deciding where to go to grab a bite. You up for it?”
No. I’m not. But I wonder if I ever will be.
“Come on, man. How ’bout this, we just go across the road to the pub for a pint and a steak, an hour tops, and we’ll get you back here before the bell dings.”
“Fine.”
“Great!” We all get up and grab our jackets.
“Guys.” We turn to the door as Dennis walks in.
“Aw man, we were just going to go out for a bite.”
“It’ll have to wait.”
“What’s going on?”
“There’s been, well, I’ve found out what happened with Sebastian and Cadence’s pictures and, well, the others as well.”
“Good! Drill that fucker to the ground!” Marius yells, swinging a right hook in the air.
“Shut up and sit down.” Our manager tells us, his voice hard and firm. Something’s happened, something’s happened and he’s not happy about it.
“Dennis? What’s going on, what’d you find out?” Jez presses him.
“Hey,” a female voice speaks up quietly from the door.
It’s Hailey.
“I need to tell you guys something.”
CADENCE
“What the hell are you doing here?” Sarah demands when we return to the apartment to see Hailey standing there.
She takes a step towards me and I flinch, unconsciously backing up, seeking shelter behind my friend.
“Go,” Sarah says to her, her voice angry, growing in volume.
“I have to speak to you,” she says to me, ignoring Sarah. Her eyes are bloodshot and for a moment I can’t help but liken them to my own.
Sarah can barely hide her agitation. “There’s nothing you have to say to her, just go!”
“No, please, Cadence, just five minutes. I have to tell you what happened, and then I promise never to bother you again.” Her voice cracks as she speaks. And I wonder what could have made it that way.