Bambi POV.
It was the end of my new life, now I’m back to being in my home, well it’s not my home, it stopped being my home ever since my mother died, and now here I’m again, looking at the empty house, there was nothing for me here anymore, but it’s my only place to be, where else would I go. There’s no Pauly here nor Colin to keep me company, nor Katie to talk to and have late-night girls giggles, I should head to bed, but I need a shower first.
I went to my room and started to strip, the room was freezing, I had to run into the room, this place doesn’t have any kind of heating, instead, it was cold, the winter has started. I ran into the bathroom and turned the water on, hoping it will warm me up, but the water was ice cold, making me jump up, I remember now, there’s no hot water around here. I finished my shower very quickly, I skipped the conditioner and shower jell, no need for those the cold water had cleaned me.
After that I wrapped myself in the worn-down towel and ran to find some warm clothes, I opened my small wardrobe and started to look through it, there were some small and short skirts and dressed one jacket, nothing that would help me feel warm now. I groaned and moved to my hoodie collection, I picked the one that would keep me the warmest, I’m freezing cold, when I finished dressing up, I went toward my bed, finding sweat pants to match my hoodie, and now I’m under my blanket, my whole body was shivering.
I’m not just cold, I’m hurt, I’m really hurt, right inside my soul, right inside my heart, it’s shivering from the pain, I had something with Christopher, but it’s over, I can’t stay over his place, I can’t be with him when the term is over, so would be our time together.
“Stop crying Bambi,” I scold myself, I have to scold myself or I’ll keep crying, but I don’t think I’m really going to obey myself, I’m going to cry through the night.
I was cold, I wished for Colin, for the days back when we would cuddle in my bed to stay warm, and after he left, I cuddled myself, I remind myself. But then after all of that, I had the chance to be with Christopher, he always made me the little spoon while with Colin, he was my baby, he’s always my baby, but now I’m all alone.
I kept on crying, hugging myself, I didn’t even have a pillow nor a spare one to hug, instead, I had to curl up into a ball and stay alone, I had no one now, the night was very long, the longest that had ever passed over in my long miserable life, I had my doubts that the morning would come, the morning won’t be coming, I knew tonight would be the death of me, but then surprise-surprise, the sun came out.
“What are you so happy about? Stupid birds,” I yell at the stupid birds, why are they singing so early in the morning, so what if the sun came out, there’s nothing to be so happy about, some of us don’t enjoy waking up, we didn’t sleep at all to wake up this early.
I didn’t want to leave my warm bed, the hoodie did manage to keep me warm, but now I needed the bathroom, I needed to pee badly and it can’t wait any longer, I had to leave my bed, and was hit with the stone cold floor, I jumped back on the bed and looked near me for socks, I found one in my drawers, then I wore my house slippers and left the bed, putting my hood up. I moved to the bathroom, the winter is always harsh, it snows, and it gets cold, and colder as the winter settles in. I was used to that, I know how to deal with the cold, but right now, I’m cold on the inside, my soul is freezing.
I finished my business and was ready to wash my hands, I tried to wash them, but the water was very cold, I have to set the kettle on, it’s how I survive the winter, use the kettle for everything, showers, and washing my hands, I’m not going to think about washing my face even, I skipped altogether and moved to the kitchen to make my coffee, I need something.
I opened the cupboard and got the shipped-off orange mug, it was a mug that we got with the tea box, back when mom was alive and well, she loved tea, but I always love the bitter taste of coffee.
I miss my little deer mug, I felt a couple of hot tears falling down my face, I miss a mug, but it’s only a mug, I’ll get myself a new one from the black market later when I get my money, nothing to be too attached to, it’s just a mug, a new one would feel the same. I made my cheap ass coffee, it was stuck in the bottom of the jar, but I got it to fill my mug. I added just a tiny splash of sugar, I need the coffee to be perfect, bitter with the dash of sweetness, just enough to break the bitterness, the smell of coffee brought happiness to my soul.
I took a deep breath smelling the bitter drink, bringing it up to my lips and taking the first sip, the taste was strange, but that’s only because I just woke up, I took a second sip, and a third sip, but the taste was wrong, it’s different, it’s nothing like the one we used to have in the company, even the mug was strange and weird in my hand.
Angry, hurt, and broken, I felt like the whole world is now stuck in my throat, I couldn’t breathe, breathing was so hard, the world is a tough one, and then it was going so hard on me, trying my patience, putting more and more pressure over me. But I’m only human, and I could only take so much before I explode, first my mother’s sickness, then her passing away, and finally Christopher, I loved him, but he’s gone now. I can’t claim him to be mine, I wasn’t meant for him, he deserves a much better girl than me, loosing my temper, I looked at the shipped-off mug and finally threw it against the wall, even the coffee is wrong.