It was as if he knew a few secrets.
The restaurant Robin picked was gay; quite the opposite of those quiet corners of the world I’d been retreating into lately. Plates clattered and murmurs of conversation were everywhere, and for a moment, anxiety tugged at me. All of this would have been so much easier if I did think everything was going to be alright, and if I could just go with everything the way it was.
But Robin was beside me, an anchoring presence. With hardly any wait, we were ushered to a table, and just about before the waitress had left us with menus, Robin was leaning across the table, glinting in his eyes that familiar hint of mischief.
“So, what’s it going to be? Comfort food or something a little more adventurous?” He glanced up from the menu.
I looked down at the menu, barely seeing the words. “I’m not that hungry.” I closed the menu and placed it on the table.
The image of Brandon and whoever that girl was made me lose my appetite every time I thought about it.
He rolled his eyes. “You always say that then proceed to eat half my plate.”
I couldn’t help myself but laugh. “Fine. Something light, I suppose.”
There was no pretending with Robin, he knew me like the back of his hand.
He beamed a grin, satisfied with my response. “How about we share a bunch of appetizers? That way you can eat as Much or as Little as You Want.” He suggested.
“Sounds good,” I concurred, laying the menu down. I had been listening to Robin talking to the waitress and their easy chit-chat, but Brandon had never strayed far from my mind because I kept wondering what he might be doing right then, if he was still with her, if he was thinking about me.
“Hey,” said Robin, sharply cutting in across from me. “Where’d you go?”
“Sorry,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “I’m here. I promise.”
“You’re not,” he said softly. “But that’s all right. Just want you to relax tonight. No thinking about whatever it is that’s got you all twisted up. Just…be here. With me, okay?” His eyes bored into mine.
I looked into his eyes and saw pureness there, and then this wave of guilt washed over me suddenly. Robin was trying his best to make me feel better here, and I sat in my head still.
“I’m so sorry,” I finally said, meaning it. “I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” he muttered. “And I appreciate it. You don’t have to try with me, Nat. Just let yourself be. Whatever that looks like tonight, I’m here for it.”
I nodded at his words as he reached out his hands to hold mine. “Remember, I’m here if you want to talk. I won’t judge, I promise.”
I smiled, and the tight feeling in my chest eased another notch. “Thanks.”
Right from the start, Robin had given me the impression that it was all right to let your defenses down just a little, that you were safe with him for a little moment.
Sure enough, the food had arrived, and this array of appetizers to my eyes, although it had been strictly ordered as one or two bits each, looked more like a feast than a light snack. Robin dove in with his usual relish, and I found myself following suit, somehow, eating seemed to ground me at the moment.
“This is so good,” I said, surprised at how hungry I was getting once I started eating.
“Well, I told you,” Robin said smugly. “You never listen to me.”
“I do not,” I replied with a chuckle. “Sometimes.”
“Rarely,” he smiled. “But it’s okay. I’m used to dragging you out of your shell.”
I laughed. Weird sound, but right, somehow. For the first time in days, it felt like some semblance of normal was sliding back into place like I could breathe again.
“Thanks,” I said all in a rush, the words coming out way more solemn than I’d intended.
“For what?” Robin looked bewildered.
“For this,” I said, waving a hand at the table, the restaurant, everything. “For reminding me there’s more to life than… than whatever it is I’ve been dealing with.”
Robin’s smile softened and he reached across the table to take my hand in his. “You don’t have to thank me, Nat. That’s what friends are for.”
I squeezed his hand, and intoxicating was the warmth from his touch, assuaging this bruised heart of mine. God alone knows what I’d done to merit a friend like Robin, but at that time, I just was flat-out grateful that he was there.
For the moment that I spent with Robin, I was able to forget about Brandon and what he did. He didn’t deserve me thinking about him, he was nothing but a contracted husband and our marriage was going to end when it was due.
I was going to try and tolerate Brandon for the remaining time we had because I knew I would be free from him sooner than I expected.
“I’m so full.” I sighed after I finished the plates of food in front of me.
Robin chuckled at my state. “How do you feel now?”
“Much better.” I smiled. “Thanks to you.”
“I’m the best, aren’t I?” He had a proud smile on his face.
“Yes, you are.” I laughed. “You are the best person in this whole world.” I gestured with my hands.
Robin laughed before he called on the waitress, so he could foot the bills. I waited to pay half of the bills but he refused, saying it was his treat. After so much arguing and earning some weird looks from the others at the restaurant, I gave up and let him pay.
There was no losing with Robin. He was the most stubborn person I had ever met and he had gotten whatever he wanted when he was determined to get it, so who was I to think I would win against him?
‘Stupid Natalie’ I shook my head at myself.