I buried myself in work. The diner’s buzz grew into a soothing beat, just background noise to disguise the tumult from within. I was at the office, playing with every detail to make sure nothing was misaligned. The spreadsheets on my computer screen just blurred into some mass of numbers and words that didn’t make any sense as I stared blankly at them. I had been thinking a lot about things that didn’t involve what I wanted to understand.
It was impossible not to notice. Every time I closed my eyes, there it was: Brandon’s lips on another woman’s with a familiarity that turned my stomach.
Why should that touch me so compellingly? I should have been expecting it to happen. Ours was not a real marriage: it was a contract; like a business deal. He was a free soul and entitled to do whatever he pleased and so was I. Then, why did it feel that he had taken a knife and stabbed it in my chest?
I shook my head then, to shake those thoughts out. Not that I did care, how could I? That wasn’t what I had been after. Anyway, I had made the deal for Brandon only as a favor to his family. That was all. There wasn’t room in this arrangement for feelings.
I took a deep breath and turned back to the numbers, which seemed to increase my heap of frustrations. I rocked back in my chair and massaged my temples as if somehow it would relieve that ache in my heart.
My office door opened then, and I straightened quickly, composing myself. Robin stepped inside; his familiar smile greeted me, making the feeling of being wrapped with a blanket on a cold day arise.
“Hey,” he said, his voice light, almost teasing. “You look like you’re about to murder that computer.”
I managed a weak smile. “It’s tempting.” I leaned into my chair and let out a sigh.
Robin chuckled, full and round, and the sound filled the room until it eventually washed that feeling of doom away, which had hung around and clung to me for dear life. He sauntered over to my desk, setting his weight onto his hip and getting back into studying me with those sharp brown eyes that seemed to know way too much.
“What’s wrong, Nat? You look… on edge.” His eyes bored into mine and for a while, I was scared that he could see through me.
“I’m fine,” I said a little too quickly, and then with a bit too much force. “Just busy.”
He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You know you can’t lie to me, right? I’ve known you way too long.”
I sighed, for I knew he wouldn’t just drop it now. Robin has this annoying and impressive habit of seeing through me when I am quite sure that I am putting on a good front. It was one of the things that impressed and infuriated me about him.
“It’s nothing,” I finally said, trying to brush him off. “Just work stress.”
“Right,” Robin said, not buying it. “And that’s why you have that face on your head like somebody stole your favorite puppy?” He cocked his eyebrows at me.
I rolled my eyes at the analogy. “I don’t even have a favorite puppy.”
He turned me right-side up with that. “Exactly,” he said and gave me one of his smiles. “So, come on, what’s bothering you?”
For a moment there, I wanted to tell him. Robin was the only person whom I, without hesitation, could speak to without his judging me. He didn’t affiliate with the Martinez Empire, and he doesn’t have a dog in this messed-up race of lies and deceptions mine seemed to have become now.
His eyes never left mine, and it was as if something held me back for an instant deep-seated fear that, once talking, I wouldn’t know how to stop. And there would be no turning back once those floodgates busted open.
“It’s complicated,” I finally said, hardly above a whisper.
“You’re going to tell me?” His tone almost made it a question. “Everything with you is complicated,” Robin said with a sigh. “But that’s why I’m here. To help you untangle the mess.” He gave me a heartwarming smile.
I looked at him, really looked. and for one moment, I considered it, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Too much was at stake, too much I didn’t understand myself.
“I appreciate it, Robin, really,” I lied again, this time making the smile convincing. “But I just need to deal with this alone.”
He eyed me a moment as if he tried to decide whether I spoke the truth or was merely obstinate. Finally, he nodded, turning away at last, and unless I could persuade him, not convinced.
“Very well, if that’s what you wish,” he said as he straightened and shoved his hands in his pocket. “But I’m not going to leave you here wallowing in whatever this is.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’re going out,” Robin declared, stretching the mischievous grin out across his face.
“What? No, I can’t…” I started as I shook my head.
“Yes, you can,” he cut me off, already heading toward the door. “And you will. You need a break, Nat. Come on, let’s go have some fun.”
“I really shouldn’t…” I tried to refuse again but he wasn’t having any of it.
“But you will.”
Turning back to me, Robin’s expression gentled. “Look, I know you’re going through something. I won’t press you on it, but neither am I going to sit here and stew in it. We’re going out, and that’s final.”
I paused for a moment as I came up with excuses, but deep inside, he was right. I did need to get away from Brandon and everything that had happened. And if anybody could make one forget, even for a little, it was Robin.
“Fine,” I gave in, standing and gathering up my bag. “Just for a little while.”
“Deal,” Robin grinned, stepping around and letting me out of the room. “But trust me, you’ll be thanking me later.”