All at once the fury in her gaze turned into something else-anguish and a terrible pity. “But you do have a choice, don’t you see that?” Her voice was hoarse. “You can choose to stop letting your childhood dictate your own heart to you. You can choose to let that go. You might not choose me, I can understand that. But at least you can choose our baby.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “There’s always love left, Cedric. It doesn’t run out, no matter what you think.”
Dimly, somewhere inside him, there was pain, a brief, flickering agony. “You’re wrong,” he said harshly. “Because if love didn’t run out there would have been some left for me. And there wasn’t, Anna. There was nothing at all left for me.”
“Oh…Cedric…” she whispered brokenly, reaching up to him. But he let her go and stepped away before she could touch him. Before anything about her could touch him.
Then he turned on his heel and walked out.
—————-
After Cedric had left for his gala, Anna commandeered his helicopter-because she didn’t see why she shouldn’t-and got his pilot to take her home, back to Haerton.
To get her through the agony of leaving, she gripped onto fury, letting it propel her. She took nothing with her, leaving everything behind, including the beautiful yellow diamond ring he’d given her. He’d made his choice and so she would make hers, and that was to have nothing of his ever again. The only thing she would take was his child, which was half of herself anyway. It was only fair. He didn’t want it anyway, he’d made that abundantly clear.
Except of course that was a lie. Everything he’d told her was a lie. That he didn’t want her, that he wasn’t desperate for her. That he didn’t love her. Because if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have pushed her away so completely. He was afraid, and she understood that, but he should have trusted her. He should have trusted that she had enough love for both of them and for their child too, and that was what hurt the most. That he’d held on to the lie instead of her.
Perhaps she should have stayed and spent weeks trying to change his mind. Or months. Or even years. But she couldn’t face spending the rest of her life trying to get another man to change his mind about her the way she had with her father. Cedric had been right about that at least.
As the journey home stretched out before her and her fury gradually began to dissipate, the bright thread in her heart grew sharp blades, cutting her to pieces.
Love made her strong and gave her hope, but it also hurt so much. She managed not to cry all the way back to her cottage, but once she’d opened the door and stepped into the dark hallway, and the silence closed all around her, she leaned back against the front door and slowly slipped down to sit on the floor, tears falling silently down her cheeks.
He’d told her that it wasn’t her fault, but she couldn’t get out of her head the sight of his face as he’d told her that if love hadn’t run out then there would have been some left for him, and there hadn’t been.
He’d been so damaged by his family. So hurt. And he really was beyond her ability to heal. All she could do was push, and if she hadn’t pushed, then maybe he wouldn’t have pulled away from her. If she hadn’t told him she loved him, then perhaps she would even now be on his arm at the gala. But she had told him. And in the end, that love hadn’t been enough for him, the way it hadn’t been for her father. At least not enough to change his mind. Or maybe it just wasn’t the right kind of love.
Anna lifted her hands and wiped her cheeks as her heart slowly ripped itself to pieces in her chest. There were only two choices in front of her now:
she could go back and beg him to take her back, tell him she didn’t mean it, that he didn’t have to take her love if he didn’t want it. They could be together, live together, her loving him and he… Well, who knew what he would do? But that was the kind of life she’d lived with her father, where she was constantly checking herself, constantly fighting the thread of passion that lived inside her.
Or there was the other choice: staying here. And bringing up their child alone.
The thought hurt, it hurt so much. Because she knew there would never be another for her. Cedric would be the only man in her life and perhaps she’d known that the moment she’d seen him coming out of the lake. It would be lonely, but in the end that was the choice she had to make. He’d taught her that she was perfect just as she was, even if just as she was had been too much for him in the end. She couldn’t go back to who she’d been before. She didn’t want to. Not with a child to think of now. A child who needed her. And if Cedric wouldn’t let her love him, then she would pour all that love into his son or daughter.
She would be strong for them.
Anna took a shuddering breath, pushed herself to her feet. And got on with the business of living.
______________
She was gone by the time he returned from the gala, but Cedric had expected that.
He sent someone to watch over her, because she was pregnant with his child and he wanted to make sure the pair of them were safe. He did not go after her. He’d made his choice and he didn’t regret it.
He felt nothing and that was a good thing.
_______________
Anna missed him.
Three weeks after she’d left, with his words ringing in her ears, she ran her hand over the walls of the cottage and sighed at the images rushing through her mind. She couldn’t bring herself to stop thinking about Cedric, no matter how much she tried. He’d not even tried to contact her, except for the money he transferred to her the next day after she left.