It was the money he’d offered her before they got married, and she noticed that he’d doubled it too. Although why he did, she couldn’t fathom. It was probably because of the baby, she told herself. Knowing Cedric, she knew he wanted his child to be taken care of.
Well, she didn’t need him, she told herself in her anger. At first she didn’t touch the money, but soon she realized that she would need it if she really wanted to start over. If she really wanted to move on with her life and go to university. If she wanted to get herself a job. If she wanted her child to have a good life, without depending on Cedric, then she’d have to suck this up and move on. The money was hers anyways. Well, except the extra he’d sent.
She had to forget Cedric and everything about him. The first time he had touched her. The first time she’d come apart in his arms. And the moment when she knew there would be more to come. But how was she expected to forget about him, when his memory was all around her?
There were at least a hundred things she should be doing. Instead, she was lost in her own thoughts. For weeks she tried to put him out of her mind. It wasn’t easy. Heck, the time she’d spent with him was still fresh in her mind. It seemed like the memories were burned into her brain and made it twice as hard to keep her mind from straying to him. Still, if she kept busy, that helped. It was all the downtime, like sleeping, showering, washing dishes, taking a walk or even watching TV that was getting to her. The moment her brain had a free second, it leaped into thoughts of Cedric. She’d known it would be hard to be without him. But she hadn’t realized just how empty she would feel. She spent the last few weeks like a sleepwalker. She went for her checkup and tried to pretend that everything was normal. But it wasn’t. And never would be again.
God, she thought, turning around to lean back against the wall. Losing Cedric was so overwhelming. She knew exactly where he was and it still didn’t matter. She cried herself to sleep for nights and crying didn’t help. Didn’t ease the crushing pressure in her chest, and she knew it sure as hell wasn’t good for the baby. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to fall into a hole and drag it in after her.
But she couldn’t give in to her own inner turmoil. There was more at stake now…Her child.
Cedric would help, she knew that, but she didn’t want to depend on him. He’d wanted her to live at Haerton, but she couldn’t stay there, surrounded by memories of him. So she would keep walking. Keep working. And keep dreaming of what might have been. God, she was an idiot. Why had she done it? Why had she fallen in love with him, even when she knew she shouldn’t? After all he’d told her, she’d gone ahead and done the one thing she shouldn’t have done.
As the days went by, her hurt and sadness gave way to anger, and she welcomed it, because it gave her strength. It gave her the boost she needed, because now when she thought about him, she channeled her feelings towards that anger and pain he’d caused her. She thought of how much he’d hurt her. How he’d let go of her so easily, not caring to fight for what they had. She was angry at him for not believing her when she told him that she loved him. And she hated him for holding on to the past instead of the present.
It worked. Three months later she was starting to feel better. She was even taking a Virtual assistant course online. If she did well, she could source for online jobs she could do at home while she waited for the baby to arrive. She hardly went out these days so she could save more, and Sara and Collins would be there for her. They’d assured her of that and she trusted them. The pregnancy was progressing well too and she gradually stopped shutting herself in the cottage, away from the world anymore.
Her time with Cedric Blackwood was over, and she hated him. She told herself that over and over again until she started to believe it. It was the only way.
____________
Four months passed, and life was back to normal. Except for one thing.
Cedric was always nervous….
This was not normal. Not for him anyway.
He was worried about Anna. She’d been hurt, pissed. He hadn’t expected to care, but he did. And he couldn’t bear the thought of knowing he’d caused it. Anna had sneaked up on him and he’d never seen it coming. She’d gotten beneath his finely tuned radar and had carved out a spot for herself in his heart. Hell, he hadn’t even known he could feel everything he was feeling for her. Hadn’t guessed he was capable of it.
For years, he’d steered clear of anything that looked like it might lead to something permanent. Carefully, deliberately, he’d only dated women who were interested in having a good time. The future-in-their-eyes type he left strictly alone. When he decided to get married for the inheritance, he had a simple plan. Marry Anna Remington, have a son, pay her off and they could both go their separate ways. So how the hell had this happened to him?
Which wasn’t really important now anyway. The real question was, what was he going to do about it? For four months now, he’d kept his distance, telling himself that things would get better with time. That he’d eventually stop thinking about her. That Anna didn’t love him. She’d realize that. He didn’t want her to love him.
But then why couldn’t he stop thinking about her? Why wasn’t it getting better with time? Instead it seemed to get worse. He thought about her literally every day, that sometimes he could barely concentrate on work or anything else. Surprisingly, he found himself disappointed that she never reached out to him. He was clearly going insane, and damn if he knew how to handle it.