“That doesn’t mean you want to go back to her. The fact that all your friends seemed to support or turn a blind eye only compounds the situation. And all them telling you to get over it, forgive her already, didn’t help any. It keeps the pain front and center.”
“In the end, you have to ask yourself if you’ll be happier with her or without her.”
I thought about it for a few minutes.
“It sucks either way. She’s betrayed me twice now. If I take her back, despite any promises she makes me, she’ll have it in her head if she fucks up again I’ll just forgive her again. I’m not willing to take that chance. I couldn’t go through it again.”
I paused, and she waited.
“So, I guess we’re over. I still love her, but love isn’t the issue, here. Trust is. I can’t ever see a way to trust her again. And that says it all.”
“And all our so called friends? I can understand a little reticence, it would be a terribly awkward conversation. But the ones who helped her? The ones who gave her alibis and kept her secret? They’re dead to me.”
“Looking back, I realize they were mostly her friends anyway. I think you know by now I’ve always been pretty much a loner. I like people, but I don’t have the need to surround myself with them all the time. There’s a song lyric,’being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely’, that’s me.”
She was nodding.
“That’s consistent with my understanding. My opinion, if you want it, is to go ahead with the divorce. But, and I can’t stress the importance of this, you need to talk to her. As long as you don’t she’s going to hold hope that she can get you back. Tell her why that will never happen. If you can make her understand, she may stop fighting the divorce. You’ve told me how you fought counseling, but you seem to the point now of being calm enough to consider it, especially if it gets you the results you want quicker. I can set up a few joint sessions with her if you like, act as referee. Your choice entirely, but that’s my expert opinion.”
I thought about it for awhile. I was tired. It needed to be over. Maybe if I went to counseling with her instead of fighting it she would finally understand and let us move on.
“Think she’ll come?”
She nodded.
“I’m almost positive. She’ll see it as a chance to finally state her case, and get you back. I’m warning you now, though, it could be pretty painful.”
I told her to set it up.
“I’ve been in pain since I found out. I’m pretty sure a little more won’t kill me.”
…
The sad part was I knew she still really loved me. I knew, because I listened into her phone conversations for the next few weeks before I allowed Johnny to remove the taps.
The first days after we split were mostly her calling me. The messages I didn’t listen to on my phone I got to hear anyway.
Most were tearful entreaties for me to talk to her, to let her explain. After about the first fifty it was down to one sentence.
“Please talk to me Jace, please.”
The conversations with her friends were pretty interesting, especially Cindy.
“God, we really fucked up, didn’t we?”
“Yes we did. I don’t know what I was thinking, Cindy. Why did I do it?”
She actually giggled.
“You did it because it was fun. You’re a classic cake eater, honey, thinking you could have them both and he’d never find out. I never thought he’d find out either. I’m sorry Allan found out, but I knew he’d never tell. He needed Jace too badly.”
“Hell, we all need him. You know he’s trying to get out of the partnership, don’t you? Says if we’d do it in our private life, wonder what he was up to in the business? We’ve got to get to him, get him back on board. We’ve got to fix this, Beck. The question is how. I see a long period of ass kissing in our future.”
Becky was sobbing quietly.
“I don’t think there’s enough ass kissing in the world to fix this one, Cin. He’s really pissed. He left me a folder, pictures, interviews, you’d be amazed how eager some were to throw me under the bus. I can’t believe how arrogant we were.”
Some her friends were no better. Most talked to her about strategies to get me in the same room with her right up to and including kidnapping. Most promised to talk to me.
Their reports afterwards were entertaining, one woman chewed her out pretty bad.
“I’m done. He almost took our heads off, and the sad thing is we deserved it. He asked my husband if I was all right with you having an affair and actually helping you cover it and give alibis, what was I doing when he wasn’t around? I’m still kissing ass, Jack is really pissed. I’m pretty sure you’re toast, Beck. I know we are. I wouldn’t ask any more of us to talk to him. Sorry, hon.”
The asshole actually called her three times. She hung up on him the first time, but the next two, right before I turned the taps off, were enlightening.
“Don’t hang up, Becky. We’re in serious trouble here. We need to talk. Our jobs are in the balance.”
“You think I give a damn about the job, Greg? The worst thing I ever did in my life was go to work for you.”
I could hear the irritation in his voice.
“Come off the high horse, girl. You practically begged for this job. And it might have been my idea to fool around, but you didn’t hesitate once the subject came up.”
“Speaking of that, wanna get together? He’s not coming back, and you know it. The look in his eyes that night scared the hell out of me. We could console each other, he’d never know.”
She exploded.
“That’s what we thought the first time, remember? How’d that work out? And if he’s that pissed now, what do you think he’d do if he found out? No means no, Greg, never again.”
“Calm down. It was just a thought. I have to go in front of the board of directors next week. Word of our little escapade has gotten back to them. You’ll probably get a call too. We need to decide how to spin this.”
She actually laughed.
“Spin this? If they asked, I’m gonna tell them the truth. We had an affair. We both share the blame. I will tell them that it’s over, and I’ll never do it again if they let me stay. I doubt they will.”
He tried one more time.
“They’ll fire me Becky, whether they do you or not. This type of work is all I’ve ever done. If I get let go and word gets out why, I’ll probably never work in this business again.”
She softened a bit.
“I’m not throwing you under the bus here. It was both our fault. But I have to tell the truth. If I don’t and Jace finds out, I really will be toast. I’m actually fond of you, Greg, but you’re not worth my marriage.”
Well, she seemed sincere. I called their direct boss and arranged a meeting. He showed, with his lawyer, scared to death I was going to sue them. That kind of publicity in this economy would seriously compromise their fundraising abilities.
And I knew they had a very strict moral code, an absolute necessity for their company. They could lose contracts, and it would be very hard to attract new charities. Up until now they’d had a really good record.
I played the tap for them.
“Before you talk, I need to tell you this tape was legally obtained. If push comes to shove, I’ll make it public record in my divorce.”