“Really? You’re using the kids as a bargaining chip? Tell me something, did you even remotely consider how I might react, knowing my best friends in the whole world were helping the love of my life screw me over? You might should have considered the ramifications before you got involved. Maybe if you’d remembered the last time she did something like this and my reaction then, when we weren’t married or even seriously committed, you would have spoken up. Were you thinking about the kids while you were lying to me?”
He flushed, and looked really, really angry.
“Goddamnit! It’s time for you to get over yourself and think about the harm you’re doing here because your feelings are hurt. She cheated on you. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have allowed Cindy and myself to get involved. I was trying to protect you. Do I need to kick your ass to get you to understand?”
Wrong thing to say.
“You wanted to protect me? Then why didn’t you read Cindy the riot act, tell Beck she was making a serious mistake, threaten to tell me unless she stopped? I think you weren’t worried about me at all, but were more worried about the business. This cash cow has mooed her last, Allan.”
“You’re good at what you do. You’ll find a job pretty easily, especially now that the economy is rebounding. You may not have the quality of life you have know, but you’ll survive. Cindy could actually get a job for awhile, to help. It might give her the shot of reality she needs.”
“And as far as kicking my ass, you don’t have any idea how part of me wants you to really try. My mom says I need to release some of my rage. Pounding the dog shit out of you might go a long way towards doing that. Now, if you’re done, get the fuck out of my office. Go work on your resume or something.”
Like I said, Allan is six four. I just barely made it to six. And he outweighed me by sixty pounds. But the thing he didn’t have was rage. He grabbed me, spun me around, opening his mouth to say more. I didn’t give him a chance, swinging instantly.
I gave it everything I had, putting all the pain and rage I had into one punch. It landed right between the eyes. He went down like an imploded building. I stood over him, rubbing my knuckles.
“I believe we’re done here. Let yourself out, and don’t ever come back into this office unless I ask you too.”
The door had been open, and Ben, our new salesman, was standing there with an open mouth.
“I think I’ll work from home the rest of the day. Help him up, will you?”
It was two days before I went back. He’d been treated for a concussion. And he looked like a raccoon with two black eyes. From then on, we communicated by email.
…
The punch scared me. Mom was right, I did need to see someone.
Kathy Grimes was one of the best in her field, according to what information I could gather. It was two weeks before she could see me.
My age, roughly. Pretty, ultimately professional, with a warm manner and disarming style. Judging by the pictures on the wall, she was happily married with two preteen children.
“Nice looking kids,” I said, looking at the pictures. She smiled.
“Thanks. Do you have any?”
“No,” I sighed, “don’t think it’ll ever happen for me.”
“Oh, in this business, I’ve learned to never say never. You’re fairly young, there’s plenty of time. Sit. Chair of table?”
Her office looked like a living room. In one corner was a table, plain wood, like you’d see in millions of kitchens in the country. The seats all had cushions for comfort.
“Table.”
“Good choice,” she smiled, “I find it’s more relaxing in the long run.”
She put a pitcher of water, a coffee carafe, and a plate of cookies on the table before sitting down.
“Homemade. Oatmeal raisin. From a secret family recipe that you can only get from the top of the oatmeal box. Water or coffee?”
After she poured the water, she got down to business.
” First off, tell me exactly why you wanted to see me and what you hope to accomplish by the end of these sessions?”
I liked it. Direct and to the point.
“I’m having a stressful time in my life right now. It’s giving me anger management issues. I’d like you to help me focus, to get over the anger.
I’m tired of the way I am now, even I don’t like me much.”
“Well, that’s pretty simple. Now, the big questions. What made you so angry? Can it be rectified, do you want to rectify it, or move on?”
For the next ninety minutes I talked about my history, before and during the courtship, marriage, and beyond. How much I had loved her. How deeply she had hurt me.
She listened, made notes, interjected with a question now and then. By the time I was done the session was over.
“Well, you’ve given me a lot to digest. I’ll be reviewing the tapes before the next session. Same time next week, all right? And if you feel the rage build up beyond reason, call me. I’ll try and work you in. Would you like me to prescribe something to calm you?”
“Thanks but no. See you next week.”
I had been going for a month, and was actually feeling better, when she asked me if she could make some observations.
“You’re a nice man, Jace, in a not so nice situation. You’ve been terribly hurt, the level of betrayal you feel is enormous. That’s why you react so strongly when your wife is mentioned.”
“I see this sort of thing all the time, and I’ve never seen a deeper sense of betrayal. It’s eating you up, and you don’t know why.”
“My opinion, you still love your wife.”
She held up her hand before I could speak.