And he’s letting you hold her like that ? Or does he not know ? You’re seriously going betray him by shagging his mate ? A low scoff left her mouth and I widened my eyes, clinging tighter onto him with memories of Jade making the same noise just before beating me unconscious.
She did it every time, it’s how I knew I did something very wrong, but what did I do now ? Why’s she angry ? Will he protect me ? Is it because I didn’t fix my anxiety quick enough ?
I want to go back to Axel !
My body shook with silent sobs as water streamed down my face. I felt cold despite his warm embrace which somehow only worsened my anxiousness. He didn’t make me feel safe no matter how close I got and it made my anxiety skyrocket.
Son of a bitch, Gracie, you’re just causing problems ! Leave ! He snapped and I felt my throat constrict at his negative tone, limiting the airflow and I tried to gasp for a satisfying breath unsuccessfully.
Me ? She yelled and I flinched, more images of my previous beatings crossed my mind and my body began shutting down as she continued to raise her voice, it’s not my fucking fault our Luna is a weak little whore, getting way too cozy with another man-
I shoved free of his hold and ran back the way we came, each step my legs didn’t give out surprised me because they felt like jelly. I desperately wanted to curl into the ground to protect myself, except something in me kept my body upright and pushed me to keep running for safety.
For Axel.
Goddess, you’re such an inconsiderate bitch ! I overheard him reply just before entering the huge house and stopping, not remembering where to go next. He had pulled me along so quickly… I’m lost.
My legs shook violently and I began hyperventilating, lowering my head and bouncing my line of sight around the room. Nearly everywhere I looked there were people and my body stiffly trembled upon feeling their stares. My airways finally swelled shut and I grabbed my throat, my head whipping every direction while my eyes darted to everyone’s legs to ensure nobody was approaching. Black blotches spotted my vision and I struggled to breathe even a little, feeling completely paralyzed as memories engulfed me.
*
What’s happening to me ? Why am I bleeding so much ? Why does my stomach hurt ? Momma, help me. I’m scared, I whimpered, holding my legs together with a burning pain searing my insides. Blood leaked down my legs and I looked up at her pleadingly, am I dying ? I burst into tears, watching her grimace and suddenly slap me into the floor.
Why won’t she love me ? I’m trying to be better. I do everything she asks. I won’t give up.
I wish ! You’re staining my fucking carpet ! Get the hell outside and stop bleeding on my floor ! I can’t fucking believe you’re only ten and already releasing eggs, you dirty whore ! I’m withdrawing you from that whorehouse of a school before your idiotic ass gets pregnant ! She screeched, kicking my head back onto the floor when I raised it. I whimpered, my tears worsening.
And it’s called a period, you stupid cunt. Don’t EVER let anything get in there no matter how bad you want it to, or else you’ll get pregnant and die, you understand that ? Nothing touches you there, Angelica Mae, NOTHING !
What does it mean to get pregnant ? I frowned, cowering down when she shifted her body to face mine.
You’ll grow a disease inside you and it’ll eat your insides, you’ll be in constant pain-a pain much worse than a period-until you die in agony. You’ll suffer for nine months before it takes your life.
I widened my eyes and protectively held my stomach, a small wince escaping my mouth in fear, I don’t want to get pregnant. I don’t want to die, I sobbed.
Then stop being a whore !
With a final kick, I scrambled out the back door shrieking in pain then falling to the ground, curling into the cool grass in attempt to douse the fire within me.
I don’t mean to be a whore, momma, I whimpered, groaning in misery when I felt sharp pains twist inside me and a warm liquid exit my body.
*
Why are you so fucking weak and lanky ? It’s disgusting ! You’re too horrendous to be my daughter ! She screamed, slamming my face against the dusted wall with extreme force.
My nose instantly bled and I sobbed loudly, the noise made her grip on the back of my head tighten, pulling out bits of my hair with her ruthless hold. Soon an immense burning sensation found the back of my left knee and I screamed, smelling and hearing the flesh sizzle against the bright orange iron. She removed it after multiple seconds, ripping off the now gooey skin from my body as it stuck to the iron. She then replaced the metal back in the fire.
Mom, please ! I didn’t do anything. I still love you, it’s not my fault. I’m here for you, mom. I won’t give up on you, so please get better. I didn’t know what he was doing, please, mom, please, I begged desperately, my voice hoarse and barely functional. She ignored every word out of my mouth and pulled my head back, slamming it into the wall again resulting in a quick flash of black to overtake my vision.
You’re not my daughter, quit calling me mom. You’re a demon sent to ruin my life, she spat, taking out the iron and pressing it against the back of my other knee. I tried to get away by pushing myself further against the wall, another one of my screams echoing the room.
*
Angelica, listen to me. Just breathe, beautiful, you’re safe. It’s okay, a gentle, familiar, muffled voice entered my ears and I didn’t realize how lost I was in horrid memories until I opened my clenched eyes to see Axel in front of me.
My eyes found his and I was entranced, slowly registering my surroundings and finding it was only us in the room that was once crowded. I was on the floor and he was on his knees in front of me, both of my hands were shaking tremendously and he held my wrists lightly, his thumbs pressing into my palms which hardly stopped the shaking. Worry filled his expression but his eyes never strayed from mine, causing my anxiety attack to go dormant almost immediately.
His silver eyes were speckled with white and had a dark gray ring around them, the design near his pupils reminded me of snowflakes and my trembling came to a stop. I remembered Marshmallow’s gorgeous white fur and pictured him prancing around in snow, the only visible parts of him being his charcoal nose and the black outlining his lips, eyes, and the pads of his paws.
I suddenly realized I was still staring in his eyes and blinked, looking down in shame before pulling my hands to my chest. He put his hand over mine and I stiffened.
Are you alright ? He asked lightly, slowly unraveling my hands from their balled state only to reveal dried blood over my fingers, you were choking yourself, he breathed, clear strain laced his tone and I worried he was angry.
I lifted my hand to my neck and felt slick welts from my nails, causing more blood to cover my hands and I frowned, throwing myself on his lap and wrapping my arms around him eagerly. He barely moved unlike Blaine, wrapping his arms around me in return. I laid my head over the dip of his shoulder and held fistfuls of his shirt for comfort. It made me feel as if I had some kind of power, even when I knew I didn’t.
I see why Marshmallow likes him.
I like Axel, too.
I’m so sorry ! We were fine until Gracie-
Enough, Blaine, not right now. She’s overwhelmed, so just give me a few minutes then I’ll see you in my office, he replied calmly, tightening his hold on me when Blaine walked past us and I snuggled further into him.
His heat wrapped around me and eliminated any tension in my body. Tingles tickled every piece of me and I closed my eyes with a tiny, subconscious smile. He makes me feel okay and I’m not sure how or why, but strangely enough, that doesn’t scare me.
I’m picking you up, okay ? He said softly and I was pulled from my addicting euphoria, nodding at his warning and feeling the tension in my body return when he moved me off and kneeled, scooping my body up after allowing me to hold the shirt down before carrying me out the doors.