The paper I was holding was immediately snatched from me, and as I followed that glance, I saw Randall’s terrified face, even though my eyes were still normal. I tried again, but I said nothing, fearing Randle could wake up.
He probably couldn’t keep up with what he was going to say because he was afraid of what I may do. As a result, he may have been in a rush to enter. What am I supposed to say? I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
“Why do you still have that?” I said, trying to make my face serious so he would give me a clear response, but he didn’t say anything, ignoring the fact that he saw me waiting, so I continued calmly, “why do you still have the divorce paper?”
I expected him to respond since I softened my tone, but he stayed silent. More than rage, shock, and bewilderment dominated my thoughts. Why didn’t he inform me? We spent most of the day together, even though I assumed we had been divorced for a long time. He followed me out so we could converse more freely and not have to raise our voices.
He was the first to speak after closing the door. “I can’t do it,” he said. His response did not surprise me. Even though he was still there and refusing to release the documents, I turned my back. I don’t want to hear his reasoning, but I also want to hear it.
“Why?” is the most inane question I’ve ever asked while knowing the answer. I’m sure he still loves me, but he’s trying to keep his footing so he doesn’t step on something. That he is attempting to respect my choices. I knew he was waiting for me to offer to open up to him, so he didn’t question our baby. My chest tightened because he did nothing but understand me from then till now, and I’m not sure if I was able to understand him because it feels like all I did was wait for him to tell me everything.
“Because I can’t do it … I’ve done nothing in my whole life but love you. You can ask me for anything but not divorce because that’s all I have that I can still tell to myself that you still carry the last name I gave you. I don’t want to think that you’ve only been mine once. Is that cruel of me to ask that to you?” I turned to him after he told me that and saw him smiling in pain.
“You know what you did to me, Randall! Do you think I just made a joke? You’re the first person to know how much I want to stay by your side! How dare you say those words! Not just a simple joke happened to me for the past two years! To this day I still carry that!” Large beads of tears began to fall from my eyes. “You don’t know how many days I haven’t slept. Questioning if something is missing? Didn’t I show everything?”
“Because you didn’t let me explain!”
“For what? Isn’t it enough to see you naked in our room while saying on top of another woman? NO. TO YOUR EX!” My voice raised, and I was out of breath. This is what I used to avoid so that we don’t get into a quarrel. “Don’t give me that bullshit. Accident or not, you know, you’re wrong!”
“What about you? Did you listen to me? Do you still have an urge to listen to me? Or in the past two years, your heart has completely closed and turned to stone?” He smiled as if he was very hurt.
I averted my gaze because I didn’t want to see him look like that. I don’t want the old Winter to come back. A sorry, a hug, just a plea that Randall shows and I don’t have the empire I built for myself again. Yes, I still love him, but I will not go back to him just because we have Randle.
I didn’t respond and was going to go inside when he abruptly grabbed my hand. I immediately pushed him away from me, but he drew me back in and let go of the papers because he caressed my head and kissed me passionately.
“Mmm.” I pushed him hard, but he held my lips tightly. When I was about to breathe and open my mouth, he quickly put his tongue in my mouth.
“Ah.”
Because of what he did, I was slowly getting carried away. His kisses suddenly softened. I just closed my eyes and let him do what he wants. I don’t want to admit that I miss his kisses and caresses. I wrapped my hands around his neck and was ready to be carried away, however …
“WHAAAAAAAAAA!”
We ran together into the room when Randle cried. I don’t know if he saved me or disturbed me. I want to beat myself up for the thought.
When we saw Randle, he went back to sleep again. Randall and I looked at each other. I don’t know if I was the only one who felt awkward, but because I didn’t want to spend more than we did earlier, I walked quickly and lay next to Randle immediately. There is only one bedroom here in the condominium, so I don’t know where he will sleep.
It’s too early to go to sleep. We haven’t even had dinner yet, but I look like a statue when he also walks on the bed …
and lay and hugged me from the back.