The door opened and my family came in. They looked at me while shaking their heads and disappointment was evident on their faces.
“Look at her, is that not immature? Will commit suicide and leave the child? You are selfish Daze.” It’s sister Dane who is shaking.
“Shh, still a brat.” Brother Dave
“Self-centered, and selfish because no one thinks of anyone but herself.” Brother Dale
“Is that what you want, Daze? Go ahead, do it.” It’s mom.
“Useless, all you’re giving is problem.” It’s dad.
“You’re too tired to understand, Daze. You only think about yourself.” It’s brother Dylan. Because of what my brother said, I have more courage to do what I want. He’s just on my side and then he’s mad at me.
“I’m sorry.” I said while crying.
“Do it!” shouted daddy. “Kill yourself so that there is no burden on this family.”
“Ah!” I am about to cut my neck when suddenly——
“Dandelion!”
“Let me go!” I don’t know what happened because suddenly someone grabbed my hand. I pointed the mirror at my neck but after that Enrique shouted and he held my hand. “Let me go.” My family was still behind him looking at me evilly.
“Stop!” He held my hand so tightly that I let go of the glasses. I tried to fight him and tried to take the glass but he was stronger.
“I want to die. They want me dead.”
“What the hell are you saying?! Stop!”
“I am useless, let me die!”
“Stop, calm down and let’s talk!”
“I don’t want to talk. I wanted to die. Let me die. I am worthless. I hate this life. I want to die. I want to die. No one wants me. No one can understand me. I am everyone’s enemy. I want to die.”
I keep losing. I’m fed up with my life and I’m always wrong. Everyone doesn’t need me and they want me dead. No one likes me so it’s better if I just die. No one understands me and no one wants to know my true feelings.
“Let me go! I want to die!”
“Stop!”
I was stopped by a loud slap. My eyes rolled because I couldn’t see anyone but the two of us.
“Dandelion?”
“W-where are they?”
“Who?” I looked but nothing—– only Enrique and I were here. “Dandelion?”
“M-my family?” My tears flowed and I didn’t know why.
“No one is here, it’s just you and me.”
“They’re here, they want me to die too.” I started crying while he held my hand.
“Hey, hey, no one is here ok? And they don’t want you to do that. They love you of course.” I was staring into his eyes and I didn’t know what was on his mind. “What is happening to you? Tell me what’s happening?” I cried while staring at him.
“Enrique.” My tears fell one after the other. I don’t know what is happening to me. I was even more confused.
“Tell me what’s wrong? I am here to listen. Just tell me.”
“I’m not ok.”
“What do you mean?”
“I- I heard voices.”
“Voices?” He frowned. I was shaking and looking everywhere. I’m scared because of the shadows I see around me.
“Voices, I hear voices.”
“What did they say?”
“They said that I am useless. I don’t want anymore. I don’t want it anymore, Enrique. I don’t want anymore. There are many of them and they hurt me with their words. They even pretended to be my family.” I cried. Enrique let go of me and then pulled me in for a hug.
“Calm down. I am here. Don’t listen to them, just listen to me.”
“Please, Enrique. Let me die. I don’t want it, please. I’m afraid of what I can do.”
“No, no, it’s not possible. Ixora needs you. Calm down, let’s fix this problem. I will help you.”
“I’m scared. I’m scared.”
“Don’t be afraid of them. They can’t harm you. I will not let them hurt you. I am here, I will protect you, ok?”
He pulled away from me and then looked at my face. He removed the hair that covered my face and then wiped away the tears. As well as my whole face.
“I will help you. Promise, I won’t let you down.”
“But I don’t know what to do.”
“Just listen to me. You only listen to me and ignore those voices.” I stare at him. I don’t know if I can believe what he says. He hates me so I don’t know if I can trust him. “Trust me. I am not your enemy.”
“D-do you mean it?”
“Yes.”
“But you hate me.”
“No, I’m not. I don’t hate you, we have misunderstandings but I did not hate you.”
“Is what you say true?”
“Yes, I am. I swear.”
“Enrique.”
“Come with me and we will treat your wound.” He helped me stand up. He held my hand and I just followed him as he walked towards his room.
“Sit here.” He made me sit on the bed so I followed. This is the first time that I came here that we didn’t fight. He took the medicine kit and treated my wound. He also called the assistant and talked to me but I didn’t understand what they talked about.
“I tell the maids to clean your room. Ixora is with her nanny.” I just nodded in response while he cleaned my wound.
I have two wounds. One of the ones with a pulse on the left but it’s not dangerous because it was just cut. While one was in the palm of my hand due to the tightness of my grip on the glass. But Enrique said that I am ok. He also looked at my neck to see if it was injured. It only had a small dot but it didn’t bleed.
I didn’t even feel that he put alcohol on my wound. I felt my whole body numb. I can only see him putting a bandage on my palm.
“Done.” I didn’t answer. I just bowed down and started crying again. “Dandelion?”
“Can Ixora be here with you first?”
“What do you mean?”
“I am ashamed of her because of what I did.” I cried again because of what I remember. “I am not deserving to have her. To be her mom.”
Enrique came to me and sat next to me. He took my hand and placed it on his thigh.
“You’re worth enough to be her mom. You sacrifice everything for her. You can stay here with us. I will put her in her crib and you will with me in bed.
“What do you mean?”
“The three of us are here in my room.”
“Am I also here in your room?”
“After what happened earlier, do you think I’ll leave you alone again?” I didn’t answer his question. “I won’t let you stay alone from now on.”
“But I don’t want to be with you and I wonder what I can do, especially with my daughter.”
“You can’t do anything, your love for us will always stop you from hurting us.”
Even I doubt myself. Even if I say that Enrique has been kind to me, I know that I can’t help but think bad things. I have been consumed by negativity too much. Even now I’m thinking that the reason he was so kind is because he’s just guilty because we had a fight before I tried to kill myself.
“But you hate me with you. You don’t want anyone here with you either.”
“Your safety is more important. With what happened earlier, it’s impossible not to repeat it. As you said, you heard voices and you might hear them when you are alone. I don’t want to take a risk. Letting you stay her is not a big deal if it’s for your safety.”
I sighed. On another occasion, maybe I would have been moved by the concern he showed. But right now my brain is occupied with many things. The thrill is gone and only fear is left. I was so scared and wanted to just cry and cry and maybe it would help.
“I did not mean. I didn’t mean what I did. I am afraid and no one understands and all I know is to end all suffering.”
“I know. I believe you.”
“Am I crazy?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what happened to me? Why did I hear voices and see things?”
“We can figure it out. Tomorrow we will go to the hospital and see a doctor.”
“I don’t want.” I immediately stood up as a refusal and he followed. “I do not want.”
“Dandelion.”
“I don’t want, I don’t want anyone to know what’s happening to me.”
“They can help you.”
“So I’m crazy?”
“Not everyone who hears voices is crazy. There are various reasons why this is happening to you and better we can go to see the doctor so we can know what the root and end of everything is. Dandelion, we will do what’s best for you. I got you, I won’t let you down. I will not leave you.”
“But—”
“Trust me.” He came closer and held my hand while staring at my eyes. The way he looks at me is full of concern. “Do you trust me?” I nod to agree. He touched my face and smiled at me when the door suddenly opened.
“Sir, maam Daze’s things are here.” I looked at the assistant who had just entered carrying my suitcase.
“Keep it there. I will fix that.”
“What is that?” I asked as I put the suitcase to the side.
“Your things. As I said earlier, you will stay here with me. Change your dress now. We will eat later.”
“But—”
“You won’t stay alone. Just do what I said. I will wait for you here.”
I did nothing but follow Enrique. Even if I wanted to fight, I gave in. I will put my trust in him. My life has no value anymore and I had planned to end it so I will leave it to him.
After I got dressed, I immediately left the bathroom. I caught him talking and looked at me. He smiles at me so I smile back.
But the truth is I was wondering who he was talking to. Is it daddy? Did he report me? Did he say what I did? He nods while listening to other lines. When he finished, he put the cellphone in his pocket and walked towards me.
“It’s doc Keisha. I set an appointment tomorrow.” Just nodded in response to him. “We can do it. Trust me you can do it.” He held my hand and squeezed it.
I put all my trust in him. My life has no value to me anymore. So go ahead, I’ll entrust him with what will happen.
“Thank you,” I said and started crying again. But he pulls me and hugs me.
“You all just cry, I’m here to sympathize with you.” So I cried while hugging him.