I thought that after that night Enrique would change his view of Ixora. But no, his relationship with my daughter didn’t change. Even though he doesn’t talk to me, he just keeps coming into my room to check on my daughter. He kisses my daughter before he goes to work and when he gets home. And when he’s at home, he takes my daughter and takes her for a walk around the hacienda.
Sometimes he asks the assistant to get it. I couldn’t say no because once I did that, he came in here to take my daughter. And every time our eyes met, I can’t deny how angry he is. It was as if he was reprimanding me for my sins.
Every time he took my daughter I became anxious. I wonder what he might do to her. He might take her somewhere to be adopted or he might hurt her. He might do something to her because he hates me. Although Enrique is not that kind of person, I still can’t get rid of the worry. Especially now that he thinks Ixora is not his blood.
I was thinking that he might be angry with my daughter. Sometimes I secretly look for them and watch them. And every time he brings my daughter back to me, I immediately check if my daughter has any bruises or wounds. When I see that she’s ok, that’s when I’m relieved.
Sometimes I think of just telling him that he really is the father. But every time I remember how he insults me even before, my mind changes. I thought he had no right to know that my daughter was his. It’s up to me what happens and where it all ends.
I will stand on this fucking mess that I started. I hate this fucking life. If I had known that it was going to be this messy I would have stopped chasing him before. I didn’t regret having a child, but what I regret is that I got into this situation. I love Enrique, I love my daughter too. I love them both but I’m confused.
Sometimes I just thought about dying because I didn’t care that no one understood me. I have no sympathy, no allies. The person I thought would never leave me—-well, I guess he’s in hell. It was really wrong for me to trust that gay.
I had just finished changing Ixora’s diaper when I heard her cry so I stood up. I took her and danced to make her stop but she still didn’t want to stop. Her cries only got louder. I have noticed for a while that she did nothing but cry when she was awake.
“Shh! Mommy is here. Stop crying, baby.” But she continued to cry. “Do you have a poop again?” I put her back in the crib and check her diaper. It is empty and it is not full either because I just changed it.
I took the bottle and heated the milk. But she didn’t accept and just cried and cried. She moved while still crying.
“Baby, please stop crying.” I took her again. I almost went around the whole room but he still didn’t want to stop. She keeps crying and is almost hoarse. I don’t know what to do with her or how to stop her.
“Ixora stop, what’s wrong with you?” But she just answered me with tears and got cry harder.
I started to get irritated so I put him down again. I’m annoyed because she cried so much. I’ve done everything for her but nothing happened. I put her back in the crib and she did nothing but roll around inside.
“Stop crying!” I shook the crib hard to make her stop. “I said stop crying!” But no matter what I do, her crying just gets louder and she really doesn’t want to stop.
“Stop! You’re annoying.” I cover my ears. My head hurts because of her crying and I heard voices too that go along with her crying—-and I hate it.
These fucking voices say that I am not good enough because I can’t stop my child. Saying that I am a useless mother. That I am not worthy to be called one. The door suddenly opened and Enrique came in at the same time as I shouted loudly.
“Stop!”
“Hey!” Enrique screamed too and walked faster towards us. “What’s wrong with you?”
I pulled back and sat on the bed. I bit my lower lip while bending down. These fucking voices even whisper louder than earlier. Ixora’s cry also got louder.
“Stop!” I don’t know who it was for. If it’s for my daughter or for the voice I hear.
“Stop screaming!” Enrique’s voice was dominant so I looked up at her.
“She doesn’t want to stop.” He took Ixora to the crib and carried her. He froze my daughter while looking at me evilly.
“For fuck’s sake, she’s only 6 months old and you want her to understand you? Even if you use a megaphone, she won’t understand you.”
“She doesn’t want to stop!”
“Stop screaming.” He said with emphasis. He froze Ixora as he leaned towards her. But I noticed that he stopped and his forehead furrowed.
“Why?” I ask. But he didn’t answer and he put Ixora back in the crib. He touches my daughter and looks at me with surprise.
“Why, what’s happening? What’s wrong with my daughter, Enrique?” Even I was surprised. I was suddenly nervous at the reaction on his face because he was still frowning.
“Are you aware that she’s hot and maybe she has a fever?” he asked without taking his eyes off me.
“Huh?”
“What huh? I ask you if you are aware that she’s hot?”
“I-I think.”
“What do I think? Are you not observant of your child?” I wasn’t sure before but I knew she was pretty hot. I thought maybe it was because of the hot weather that she was also hot.
“What’s the—”
“How careless you are.” He took Ixora back and then walked out.
“Where are you taking my daughter?” But instead of answering he ignored me.
“Melai, take all Ixora’s things and put them in the car. Hurry up.” He ordered the maid who couldn’t answer because she rushed into the room.
“Enrique?” He went straight to his room and took something.
Where will he take my child? What will he do? Is he planning something bad? Will he send him to the adoption center? Give away? Oh God, why doesn’t he want to answer?
“Enrique, where are you going to take my daughter?” I cried while following him.
“Melai!” The assistant crouched down while carrying the bag and placed it in the back of the car.
“Enrique?”
“Get inside the car and we will bring her to the hospital.”
I quickly followed and sat in the passenger seat. He put my daughter on top of me who had settled down a bit.
When Enrique got in, he quickly started the car.
“Enrique, she’s not crying. Is she ok?” I am so damn worried. It’s like my daughter doesn’t move. “Enrique.” I cried while calling him.
“She’s sleeping.” His eyes are on the road. He was calm while I was shaking. I immediately thought about what would happen to my daughter.