“Dengue?” Enrique and I asked the doctor together.
“Is that bad? What will gonna happen to my daughter?” My hand shakes and so does my knee. Ever since they took my daughter and left us here outside, I have been restless. I felt like I couldn’t breathe while waiting for them to come out. I feel like I’m going to faint, my chest is pounding, and I’m cold and shaking.
I feel like dying just waiting. I don’t know what to do. My mind is full of negativity. I’m afraid they will come out and say something bad happened to my daughter.
“Good thing you noticed right away and bring her here, or else it may be got worse.” I look at Enrique who is looking at me. If he didn’t come in there to check on my daughter, we wouldn’t be able to know and bring her here immediately. “But she needs blood,” the doctor added.
“Blood?”
“Yes. Although we gave her first aid, his platelets dropped quickly because she was still a baby. So we need to find blood that will match her.”
“Then take my blood now to transfer it to my daughter,” I grabbed immediately.
“What is your blood type, ma’am?”
“I’m AB+.”
“Your daughter is B+ ma’am.”
“Means?”
“You can’t be her donor.” I frowned because of what he said. What is he saying I can’t be a donor. That’s my daughter, and I give her my blood.
“Are you saying that she is not my child?” I said annoyed.
“No ma’am, what I am saying is that you and your daughter are not compatible. Your daughter’s B+ means the only donor she will accept is O-, O+, B-, and B+. Sometimes it really happens that the child is not compatible with the mother because he or she is compatible with the father or he is not compatible with the father because he is compatible with the mother. We can call one of your family members if someone is compatible with your child, it can be an uncle or aunt, or even grandparents. If not, we can ask the blood bank or anyone with B+ blood. Strangers can be a donor too as long as they have the blood type I mentioned earlier.”
“I am B+.” Enrique’s said so I looked at him. Damn! I forgot he was here. He was quiet and did not intervene in the conversation.
“And you are his—–?” the doctor asked him.
“The father.”
“Oh, I’m sorry sir. That’s what I meant earlier ma’am.” I didn’t answer anymore. “Let’s go, sir.”
“Wait, I will come.”
“Just stay here.” Enrique gave me a warning look so I stopped walking.
“But I want to see my daughter.”
“STAY. HERE.” He said with emphasis.
I don’t want to be left here but I can’t follow them either. I don’t want to fight with him here even though I’m annoyed and still worried about my daughter. I just sat on the side while they entered a room.
I don’t know what’s happening there but I’m still nervous. I am very worried for my child’s safety. I don’t know what I would do if something bad happened to her.
I felt so useless right now because I couldn’t do anything for my daughter. I almost ruin her because I wasn’t observant that she was feeling something. Now the only thing I can give is blood, which I cannot do. And her father was actually her donor.
Maybe Enrique won’t doubt it. The doctor said that strangers can be compatible so for sure he will think that is the only reason. Why are they the same type? I am the mother and carried her for nine months so everything about her should also be about me. Not her father that doesn’t like her.
They spent some time inside. When the doctor went out, Enrique was able to follow. He was holding his arm that still had cotton while talking to the doctor. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about but I immediately stood up and approached them.
“How’s my daughter?”
“She’s ok now ma’am. Your child is out of danger. Just need to observe for a few days.” I breathed a sigh of relief because of what the doctor said.
“Thank you doc, if there’s anything that needs just let us know,” Enrique said.
“No problem Mr. Locsin.” When the doctor left, Enrique just looked at me and then turned away. I didn’t even ask where he was going.
I’M SITTING by my daughter’s side. It’s like my heart is pierced because of her appearance. She’s six months old but she already has dextrose. I am so hurt by what I see. I wish I was the only one there. I deserve her situation more than her.
I wiped my tears. Is this my karma, because I’m bad that’s why my daughter is being punished and not me? It hurts more when karma hits those you love more than you. You can ask that better if it happens to you.
I must be bad because my daughter is being punished like this. I am being hurt by using my child. I failed to protect her, even though I did everything for her but I still failed.
“I already informed your family. I called your dad and informed them about what happened.”
“What did you say?” My nervousness got stronger because of what he said. I immediately thought that maybe he told the truth to them. He thought Ixora was not his daughter.
“I told them that we are in the hospital.”
“You said my daughter is sick?”
“They need to know the truth.” I sighed. For sure, they will blame me again. I will be scolded because I am careless. That I didn’t take good care of my daughter.
“I call the pest control team to disinfect the mansion preferably your room. I already asked the maid to clean the whole area. I make sure everything is fine when we come home.”
“It’s my mistake that my daughter got sick.” I did not hear any answer from him. Silence means yes and I think I heard his agreement. After all, it’s true that my child got sick because of my negligence. There is no one else to blame but me because I am the one who guarded her.
I did my best for her. But I think my best is not that good enough to keep her safe. Whatever I do for her I am ended up a failure. I’m always disappointed when it comes to her. My daughter is always in trouble. It’s only now that she’s six months old and I failed her, what if she’s grown up?
I simply wiped my tears. I feel sorry for my daughter. She did not deserve a mother like me. I hope I won’t be his mother. I hope I don’t have children because I can’t take care. I can’t do it.
“What’s with the tears?”
“Nothing.” He can’t understand me either. He is even the first to judge me. He’s even the first to say bad, hurtful words to me.
“That won’t help Ixora. You need to be strong for her.” I didn’t answer and just looked at my daughter. “I’ll go home to take what we need. Do you need something to bring me for you?” I shook my head in response.
I just heard the opening and closing of the door to Ixora’s room. When I looked behind me, Enrique was no longer there, and I began to cry.
‘I have never been a good daughter, I have never been a good mother. I wish I could die instead of people around me suffering more than me. Especially my daughter, because she doesn’t deserve a mother like me.’