We stayed for three days in the hospital. For three days Enrique and I still haven’t talked much. Although he helped me with Ixora, he didn’t offer me anything else, so I didn’t ask either. I don’t even need his help so why should I understand him? I can move without him, I can stand on my own.
Enrique and I were in the car on our way home from the hospital to the mansion. I was in the back with Ixora. As usual, we don’t talk and I don’t plan to talk to him either. Who he is, diamond to pay attention to? I’d rather go home alone than talk with him.
I just look at my daughter who is sleeping peacefully in my arms. Her face is peaceful and innocent. She’s so cute and fluffy.
We stopped at a stop light where many children were playing on the side of the road. Some of them knock on the cars while asking for something—-money for sure. I couldn’t stop hugging my daughter while looking at them. I was suddenly afraid of what I saw. I don’t want my daughter to be like them. And I won’t let it either because I will do everything for her.
I don’t know where I got the idea that my daughter would be like them. I just suddenly got scared and nervous. I can’t explain what I feel.
When we reached the mansion, I went down first and didn’t wait for Enrique. I immediately went straight to the room and put Ixora in the crib that Enrique bought for her. Enrique also entered and then put the things to the side. He came closer to us and stood opposite me.
I suddenly thought while looking at my daughter. If you ask me, I want her to grow up with a complete family. I want her to experience being happy with us. I don’t want her to see that her father and I are not ok. Or how we threaten each other. I want her to see only joy and peace as she grows up.
It added to my thinking that Enrique did not know that Ixora was his daughter. I don’t know how to tell him or if I should tell him. Before, I told myself that no matter what happens, Enrique will never know that he is Ixora’s father. But now that I’ve seen my daughter, it’s different.
I can’t think of myself anymore and I just want to be for her. Everything that is good for her. I want her to be the happiest child.
“I informed Ervic that you delivered,” Enrique said. I didn’t answer and just looked at my daughter as I continued to think. “He doesn’t know when he will come back but he said he will talk to you.”
“I don’t care about him.”
“He should have seen his daughter.”
“Send a photo if you want.”
“Dandelion.” He mentioned my name with a scolding. “See Dandelion, now that you already have a baby, can we be ok even in the eyes of everyone? Everyone here knows that I accidentally got you pregnant but it doesn’t mean that we will always fight.”
Why, did he think I wanted to fight with him? He was the only one who did nothing but fight me. He just doesn’t listen to me and makes a big deal out of what I do without asking me what the truth is.
“I don’t want to see Ixora see us like this,” he added.
“We will also separate.”
“What?”
“This marriage is for the meantime. We will also separate.”
“And who told you?”
“Me, because we both know that’s where it’s going.”
He shook his head at my answer but did not object, unlike before when he said that no one would separate. Why is what I said true? We will also separate when he is ready to settle down with someone else. So, what’s the issue if the two of us are not ok. Then he didn’t agree so for sure that’s what he wanted too. He also thought that was better.
“What’s the arrangement now?” he asked.
“What arrangement?”
“Now that we already have Ixora. What are our arrangements for her?”
“Well, she is still my child and Ervic’s. And you’re still the father on paper.” His eyes narrowed at what I said. I even saw him holding his grip on the crib. “When she is at the right age I will tell her the truth.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He emphasized every word. “What I mean, is how can we both watch over her? Then that’s what you’ll answer me? That it’s that easy for you to tell her everything and just ignore me?” he asked with annoyance.
“Why what do you want?” Am I wrong again? Or it’s just that he asked the wrong question and then he’s turning me around. Because he really just wants to make me an issue.
“You’re going to tell her I’m not his father? After I marry you, accept her, and put my name on her identity, will you tell her that?”
“My fault?” Even I was shocked. “Is it my fault that you married me? I’m sorry but you’re insistent, aren’t you? You stood in your brother’s position and you played his role even though I didn’t want to, so don’t blame me.”
“I’m not blaming you.”
“You criticize me. You blame me for standing up for what should have been your brother’s responsibility. Why don’t you blame your brother for running away? If only he hadn’t left and run away from his responsibility. I hope you are not in his position now.”
Turns out he’s a scumbag, he’s a big devil to blame me. I don’t want him and then he insisted and now he will say that he stood up. Hero after feeling oppressed acts like he is the victim.
“What I am saying is at least have a little consideration on me.”
“Yes, of course.”
“You know—”
Ixora cried so we both stopped. He was going to take my daughter but I got ahead of him.
“Shh!” I danced to calm her down but he only cried more. “Stop crying, baby.” But she kept crying. I’m getting a little annoyed because she doesn’t want to stop. When Ace at her age she is easy to please.
“Give me.”
“What?”
“I said give me.”
“I’ll make her stop.”Ixora did not stop crying and her crying only got louder.
“Give me.” I didn’t do anything so I gave her to his father. Enrique slowly swings her and she stops after a few minutes. I looked at them badly. Even now, my daughter seems to be siding with him. I shouldn’t let them be too close to each other and maybe when the time comes my daughter will leave me and choose her father over me.
“Put her back,” I said.
“What?”
“Put her down.”
“Her sleep is not that deep yet. She will feel that no one is carrying her and may cry again.”
“Then give me back.” He looks annoyed while looking at me. “Give me and I will continue her sleep.” I forcefully took my daughter on him. I know he doesn’t want to give me my child but he also doesn’t want to hurt her if he doesn’t give it to me so he let go.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Get out of here.”
“What?”
“My daughter and I need to rest. Go away so we can rest.”
“You know what Dandelion, I thought that when you have children you will mature enough to handle things. But you keep disappointing me.” He said shaking his head.
“I don’t care about your feelings and your point of view. Think what you want to think of me. Go away, and leave my daughter and me alone. Don’t look for an arrangement because you’re not the father.”
He left the room shaking. I know he’s disappointed but I don’t care. His opinion is not counted. My concern is more important than his. I am still the mother and he will remain an uncle.
I put my daughter back in her crib. I look at her while thinking if I can take care of her just like how ate Dane takes care of Ace and King. I know that I shouldn’t compare my sister’s and I’s capacity but compared to her—-she has a supporting husband while I feel like I am alone.
I have a husband but he is my opponent. I have a husband but every now and then we argue even over a small thing.
And now that my baby is born. I admit that right now I feel like I can’t take care of my child anymore. I’m also afraid that I won’t be able to raise her properly or that something might happen to her under my care.
I am starting to overthink negative thoughts. And I hate it because I don’t want everyone will judge me, including my family. I don’t want them to think that I’m a useless mother. I especially don’t want Enrique to blame him for being right—–I’m not a good mother and I don’t do anything good for my daughter.