It has been almost a week since Landon has been home. He has been sleeping most of the time. His body is attempting to catch up on everything that it has lost. I’ve been working with Mary and I don’t want to do what she wants me to do. She wants me to confirm Ivan as my mate and make him my second in command.
I’ve been trying to put it off, but I’m not sure if I can any longer. I haven’t even spoken to Ivan since that night. With Landon coming home, I’ve only been focusing on him. I haven’t gotten very far figuring out about Jayden. I want to follow Mary. But every time she leaves, I can not pick up her scent to follow her. It frustrates me so much, but I try to hide it as best as I can.
As I am getting ready for the day I am nervous that today is going to be the day when Mary makes me make everything official with Ivan. I’ve been putting it off, and I know that she is not going to let me put it off for very much longer. Not sure what my excuse is going to be this time, I can’t really think of anything else, I can’t tell her the truth that I’m in love with her son when he’s not my rightful mate.
I wanted Landon to be set up in my cabin, so I could monitor him and make sure he’s OK But Mary had other plans for him, she took him to her house where he has his own bedroom, so it made sense but what scares me is what if she’s planning something or much worse she hurts him. She already has taken what means the most to him in this world, so it’s hard to identify what else she would do.
I go to check on him as frequently as possible without it making things look suspicious that I care about him more than what I should, to be honest I don’t even think Landon notices how much I really care about him and I sure won’t tell him I can’t. I’m aware that Landon once loved me, but I’m uncertain if that love is still there, knowing the love I feel for him is so strong I don’t think it will ever disappear.
As I finish up getting dressed, I grab my brush look into the mirror and begin to brush my hair losing myself in my thoughts I can just picture the life that we could have together it would be a remarkable life the best life, but that is all imaginary It’s just not possible to make it reality as my thoughts get interrupted By a knock I hear at the door.
I set my brush down on my dresser, I look at the door and put my strong face on. “Who is it?” I ask?
“It’s Ivan, may I enter?”
I want to say no, but I know that I can’t he’s my mate, and eventually, I’m going to have to make it official and everybody will know that he is my mate if I like it or not he is my destiny even if I want no part in it, I can’t change what is already done. He has been chosen for me for what reason. I have no idea. I don’t want to give him a chance, but I have to get this over with it and just maybe it will get me a step closer to finding Jayden.
Scared that even if I go through with that it’s possible I won’t find Jayden will this all be for nothing, I don’t want to be with this man, but I will if it means that I will find what I am searching for. I would live a life full of unhappiness for Jayden, I would do anything for him. If it meant that Jayden and Landon could run away from this life and be happy, I would do it in a blink of an eye.
It is so quiet until Ivan speaks,” I’m certain that you do not love me, that you love someone else. The feelings that we should have for one another we don’t for what reasons I do not know.”
I am surprised he does not feel for me either. How can we be mates but not have that? connection, it makes no sense? All the people that I have met have found they’re mates obsessed with each other, it’s hard for them just to be apart. But to find that, my mate and I don’t feel the same for each other at all. He doesn’t love me like I do not love him. So maybe this will work, maybe I can fool Mary. I need to stop filling myself with doubt, and maybe it will work.
“Ivan I’m sorry that I don’t feel for you, I wish things were different, but they’re not. But I have to find a second in command and with you being my mate, it has to be you. Do you accept my offer.?
“The only thing is Lilly, once we complete the ceremony, the only thing that will separate us is death. Even if we don’t feel for each other, we cannot be separated.”
Listening to those words cut a knife into my heart, knowing that the love I have for Landon will never be more than just a feeling that will never be able to be expressed. A life without love to save the one I love the most. I know that it will be worth it knowing that he is safe. But I will not be able to run away with Landon and Jayden like I planned. I will have to stay, and they will have to go, disappear and never return.
My soul will be hollow, with no meaning without them. I wouldn’t be living any longer. I would only be an imitation that I will never escape. Hating the truth of it, knowing it changes nothing. I look at Ivan, “The ceremony will be Friday. We have no time to waste.” I walk out of my bedroom walking through the crowd of wolves, just feeling blank knowing that this will be my life.