IT’S ALMOST FIVE A. M.
Mama Cha and I went inside after the two left. She cleaned up the smashed bottle I had thrown up earlier. This time, she’s quite different. She speaks and behaves properly. She appears to have healed quickly from our trouble earlier. I’m uneasy since she also speaks to me as if nothing happened. When we’re speaking, I can’t look her in the eyes. I felt guilty for my actions when I broke down her door.
I was sitting across from her on the sofa when I noticed she was putting down two cups of coffee on the small center table in the living room.
“Let’s have coffee, Clint.” She said softly.
Her voice has a gentleness. I was feeling even worse. What exactly is she doing to me? Why do I get the impression that she was quick to forgive me? She took a seat beside me on the small sofa. I gave her my full attention, and she returned it.
“Your eyes are swollen from crying, Clint,” she remarked softly again.
I couldn’t help but grab both of her hands as I continued to stare at her.
“Ma..”
She got up and walked around. I clasped her hands in my arms as she removed both.
“Clint. Let’s finish this.” She stated solemnly.
Once again, some sentiments cannot be explained. Even though I wasn’t yet drinking the coffee in front of me, I felt my heart start to race as I heard her say that.
“I went home to end this. Clint, we need closure. Let’s be practical, okay?”
“Ma, I know—”
“Clint, no need to explain. No drama please, enough! ”
Her eyes told me she wasn’t joking. At that time, I witnessed a different Mama Cha. I grew up with Mama Cha, with whom I am still in contact. Mama Chari, who’s known for making her own decisions,
“Ma… I don’t love Trina.”
“Well, you better love her now.” She said calmly.
“Ma..”
“You’re having a baby, Clint, so put those thoughts away. Grow up! You need to grow up! Life isn’t all about happiness and goodness, Clint! Grow up! ”
“Ma, why are you like that? Why are you giving me away? ”
“Are we going to share the same life, Clint? You don’t know who your parents are, and I do have one, but they don’t appear to be! ”
“What do you mean, Ma?”
“Don’t live our lives again, Clint; you’re going to have a baby; will you let that child grow up without a father?” She told me, looking straight into my eyes.
“But, Ma, I don’t love Trina; perhaps I should be responsible for the child, but we’re not together, and I don’t want to live with her! ” I replied.
“Clint, it doesn’t matter! Think about the child, not yourself! I believe it’s time for you to mature; perhaps we need to live our separate lives now! ” She cried out and then stood away from me.
I could tell she was serious. She was neither smiling nor crying.
“How about you, Ma?”
“Me? Don’t mind me, okay? I will be fine. ” She said, looking distant.
“Ma! No! Please, Ma, I can just be here with you; we’re just going to talk about the baby! I’ll do anything, but please, Ma, don’t stop!” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks once again. I was crying in front of the woman I loved so much and who I deeply hurt.
“Ma, please. Don’t do this to me! Hmmm… I love you so much, Ma. I know I made a mistake. I hurt you, Ma! I won’t be happy with her. Hmmm.. Ma, please..” I begged her. I kissed each of her hands.
“I won’t let it happen, and you won’t hold Trina responsible because it’s you who did that! I’m a woman, Clint, and I know what it’s like to be rejected by someone you care about.” She cried out.
When she stated it, I saw the strength in her eyes. I know that no matter how much I explain and plead, I will never be able to bring her back. Mama Cha is someone I know, and I know that she never takes back what she said… She’s a tough and responsible lady who keeps her word, but it never occurred to me that I might accept such difficult decisions from her one day.
“I’m sorry, Clint…” she said while releasing my hands.
“Ma, no.. please..” I uttered.
CHARI’S POV
When I entered the room, tears flowed uncontrollably, and I stood behind the closed door for a little while. I’m afraid I don’t want him to hear me cry if he’s out there. I could see the serious sadness in his words. He could hardly stop crying, which broke my heart so much, but I could not show weakness. Not ever!
I was also confused, but I couldn’t do anything about what happened. Even if I wanted to stop him, it’s not possible because the child has nothing to do with it. It’s not his fault, but why should he suffer for the mistakes of his parents? We are no different from our parents if we do the same. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow when we both wake up, but life goes on and can’t stop just because of what happened.
It was hard and painful for me to let go of Clint because I knew this would be the beginning of the end. But…
As always…
I’m his Mama Chari. I’m the one who has to adjust again. I am like his parents, so I must be the one to surrender for the good, that even my happiness will be his happiness. Even though I’m carrying his child, I will keep it hidden from him so as not to ruin the good relationship between my friends. And I know that Trina loves him so much that I’m sure she will take good care of him.
“Hmmmmn…” I cried as I sat on the floor, at the end of my bed. The bed that witnessed all the happy and warm moments that Clint and I shared.
“Clint, Hmmm… I’m pregnant. Hmmmmn… I don’t know what to do. I love you so much. Hmmm..”
I love Clint, but I don’t want to ruin everything. I will leave him even if it hurts too much for me because I am also carrying his child. As much as I avoided him, I didn’t even notice that I hadn’t had my period for almost two months. I just confirmed it when I did a pregnancy test earlier because I had been feeling that something was different. And so I find out that my suspicion is true. I was not mistaken. A few weeks of dizziness and vomiting are already signs of pregnancy.
“My God… What am I going to do? Please help me. Hmmm. Just calm down Chari, you can do this! ”
I wiped away my tears and then stood up.
I need to be strong. I can’t be overly emotional or vulnerable. He doesn’t need to know about the baby I’m carrying because I know he won’t take responsibility for Trina’s pregnancy if he finds out that I’m pregnant too. I don’t want Maggie to be mad at me. I don’t want to spoil anything. Trina’s feelings will be damaged as well. That is something I don’t want to happen because it will harm her pregnancy.
I looked in the large mirror on my wall.
“You can do it, Chari. He can’t know, so think of a way to get out of here and get away from him,” I said to myself.
I’m going to start looking for a house tomorrow, as well as sell the coffee shop and move away from Clint. Everything I do must be done with care. I’m simply pretending that everything is okay so that he won’t know my plans. I’ll have to be very careful not to draw his attention. I’m going to run away from here and start a new life somewhere far away from him. A new beginning with my beloved Clint’s future child
June_Thirteen