Sofia’s pov
TWO YEARS LATER***
The sounds of soft laughter filtered through the screen of the television I was currently staring at and a small smile tugged at the side of my lips as I averted my gaze and took a glance at the wall clock situated at the top of the wall here in the room. It was past eight in the evening, which indicated that Luca was almost home, and an excited feeling coursed down my spine. It doesn’t matter that Luca has almost returned home to me every damn day, that giddy feeling still engulfs me every day.
Which is the best thing ever, said my therapist when we stumbled on that topic. It’s been over two years and till date, I’m still yet to stop seeing my therapist. She, a Middle aged woman, has made me feel so much love and comfort than my mother has done for me throughout the past two decades that I’ve been alive.
The sounds of cute giggles emitting from the television screen grabbed my attention and once again, I focused on it. This time, my breath hitched in my throat at the scene currently unfolding. A girl who’s probably four or five years old is cracking a little baby in her arms and rocking him from side to side while humming beneath her voice. The sight was so freaking cute, it made my heart ache so much that I reached for the remote and switched the television off.
I slumped into the bed and breathed out a long sigh with my eyes glued to the light hanging off the roof. My heart was still racing as I tentatively reached for my stomach, tracing a finger over it featherlightly.
It’s been over six months since I stopped taking those pills, and I was still yet to take in.
I hadn’t thought anything weird of it at the second, third and even fourth month of not using those pills. But, currently, it’s almost seven months since I stopped taking them, and despite how much I didn’t wanna panic about still not taking it, I couldn’t help the longing that plunges my mind from time to time.
Luca is still not aware that I wasn’t taking the pills anymore, which is why I’m stuck with panicking by myself instead of sharing my worry with him that I’d normally do.
I let out a sigh and rolled off the bed before exiting the bedroom, climbing down the stairs and heading straight to the kitchen.
Matilda was situated in front of the cooker, stirring something that smelled heavenly in a pot. She flashed me a smile and asked me if I needed anything.
“Would you like me to fetch Henry for you?” She inquired and I instantly waved her away while downing a glass of cold water from the tall fridge which is currently situated here in the kitchen since the time I half heartedly complained to Luca about how walking through the walk-in freezer can be sometimes stressful for me.
Henry is one of the two guards who now work in guiding me. Henry and Isaiah. It had taken me months to be ready to let guards guide me around like Ryan and Ethan once did.
Till date, it still hurts that Ethan had been killed just like that. I had made sure his family was compensated thoroughly got his loss, even though I know no amount of money could make up for the loss of a child.
As I exited the kitchen and head towards the sitting room, my mind was plagued with so many thoughts and worries. This worry which I carry around in my chest is starting to get to me as each day comes and goes, and with each passing day, I’m more tempted to table this topic to Luca.
I’ve considered what could be wrong with me, and each answer I get from google and my overthinking mind was only plaguing me into a sea of panic. Kayla, who had taken in as soon as she took out the implant in her arm, had suggested I get tested, but I was too scared to do that without Luca’s knowledge. Not because it would be without his permission, but because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to physically go through with it without getting emotional support from him.
Which was why I decided after pondering on it for over an hour, that I was gonna tell him about it tonight.
~~~
“You know I don’t actually care if you give me babies or not, right?” Was the first thing Luca said once I was done speaking as he reached for my hand.
“You know how the mafia is. They’re all definitely expecting to get an heir from you any time soon.” I reminded him, mind hurting from the thoughts flooding it.
This particular topic has been giving me sleepless nights because I still remember the reason why I got married to Luca. It was to give him an heir, that’s why men in the mafia takes a wife.
“They can all suck my dick, they can’t do shit about it if I chose not to provide an heir, so I see no reason for you to worry your pretty head off, hm?” He continued and I let out a small sigh, eyes glued to my fingers.
That aside, I loved children so much and would like to have one of my own. Although Luca’s words have helped with most of my worries, I couldn’t help but still be feeling extremely sad about the thought of not having a child of my own.
I have so much love and attention in me that i want nothing more than to have a child of my own to shower it on. I’ve always been a lover of babies since I could remember, that had been why I had easily fallen into a motherly role for Angelo at a very young age.
“But, you’d still wanna have a child of your own… right?” I asked tentatively while regarding him carefully.