I looked around to see where I was. I am still in my room. But the last time I remember is I’m pointing the gun at my head. I pull the trigger and everything went black. And now, I woke up as if nothing happened.
Am I dead?
I heard the door open followed by a voice. “Dustine.” I looked away and couldn’t believe what I saw. I quickly ran closer to her and hugged her tightly. Damn, I miss her so much.
“Lileth, Lileth, my wife.” I broke away from hugging her and stared at her to make sure she was real. “It’s you.” And she really is. Lileth, my wife.
I kissed her and then hugged her again. I feel her hug me back. Oh God, thank God she’s here. I thought she had left me. I don’t know what happened but I don’t care. What matters to me is that she is with me. I can finally recover as well.
When we parted in a hug I looked at her and caressed her face. I still can’t believe she’s here with me. I really thought she was gone and left me. That dream was ugly and scary.
I started to cry while caressing her face. I can’t still believe that she’s here with me. That we are together. That I had such a dream. It’s a bad dream and I don’t want it to come true.
“Lileth, are you really here?” I ask and she gives me a smile. “I had a bad dream, a nightmare perhaps. You left me and I couldn’t handle it so I committed suicide.”
“Dustine, let’s sit down first,” she said smiling at me so we sat on the bed.
“I am so sad, I can’t stand what happened. Thanks, God it’s all just a dream. I am sorry for what I did to you. Promise I’ll get it back, that fucking dream serves me a lesson. It hurts so much that you will leave me.” But she didn’t answer and just held my hand. “Lileth?”
She tapped my hand while looking at me. “Everything will be fine.” There, I realized that this is not the reality. Because it doesn’t seem like a dream that happened to me but it’s the truth and it’s what I can call a dream or not.
My tears fell one after another because of what I had realized. So is it true that she’s? Is it true that she left me?
“Am I dead? Are we together yet?” I would rather think that I was dead than in a dream and wake up alone again.
“No.” I feel disappointed with what she said. I just sighed in frustration. How did that happen while I shot the gun in my head?
“Dream?”
“Possible.”
“Lileth, take me with you,” I begged and cried again. “Take me with you. I’m tired of being alone. I can’t be alone anymore.”
“Not allowed. You need to wake up and there are people waiting for you.”
“But you are what I need. You are the one I want to come back to waiting for me. I don’t want to wake up without you. We are just here where we are. Let’s just be here together.”
“Erika needs you more, Dustine.”
Erika? I smiled as I shook. Yes, I love her and she is important to me. I could have chosen her then over my wife but now —–? I shook my head and bowed at what Lileth had said.
“I need you and not her. You are the one I want to be with, Lileth.”
“Dustine.” She lifted my face and caressed me. “Don’t blame your guilt because what happened can’t be changed. I am no longer by your side and I will never return. I’m happy to leave because I know Erika is there to be with you. I left you to him.”
“But, Lileth —”
“Dustine, I’m gone. I will not return. Live and remove remorse from your heart. I’m not angry at you. I’m not upset. Even if our marriage goes well, it will still happen. Dustine, I was sick before we got married. I only married you because I want to be with you. So don’t be tied to our memory because you still have a long way to go. Relive the happy memories of the two of us and not the painful ones. Dustine, don’t swallow remorse and pain like you swallowed anger. You will not be happy if you are purely negative.”
“Lileth.”
“I love you, you love me, that’s all we are. Dustine, find her and I’m sure you’ll be happy.”
“But you are my happiness.”
“Believe me, you will be happier with her and your dream will come true. Damon knows everything.”
“Dylan?” She smiled at me and held my hand.
“You have nothing to regret because Damon knows everything. Believe me, Dustine. All I want is for you to be happy. But I can’t give it to you. I was the one who really became selfish in our relationship because first I tied you up even though I knew I would leave you too and second, I cheated on you.
“Lileth, I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”
“It can’t be done.”
“Why? I still have a lot to do with you. I still have many dreams that I want both of us to fulfill.”
“Even if I want to, I can’t.”
“How about me?”
“You need to wake up because there are many waiting for you.”
“Am I going to wake up? Can we just stay here? This is our house. We have your things on our bed. We are just here where we are.”
“Dustine,”
“All I want is to be with you? Why don’t you?”
“Because we are both in different worlds. Accept that so you can move on.”
“Lileth, hug me, hug me before you disappear beside me.” She did what I said and let me cry while hugging her. “Lileth.” I sobbed as I hugged her.
I just don’t want to wake up. Hopefully, I am comatose and they kill my body. So that I can’t get out of here.
“I’m still with you, Dustine, in your heart and in your life.” We parted hugs. “Wait for me and I’ll introduce you to something.”
She came out of the room so I peeked. I was afraid she might never come back. But later she had with her two children who I think we’re both two years old.
“Who are they?” I ask. She carried the two children.
“The child is growing up here. Even though they have only been missing from their mother’s womb for a few months, they are growing up to wait for their parents here to be with them.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched the two children. I bent down and cried. I felt the two children’s hands simultaneously touch both of my cheeks. They lifted up and looked at them both with no emotions on their faces.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry my babies.” My heart almost broke in pain when they both smiled at me. They both caressed my face and both had a smile on their lips. I cried and hugged my wife and my babies.
I am very dumb. This is the family I wasted. This is what I lost because of my stupidity.
I felt them hug me too. Why, why can’t I stay here with them? My family is already here so we will all be here together.
“Don’t cry, Dustine. You will also know the truth.” Gradually they disappear from my arm.
“Lileth.” I was afraid to call her name. “Lileth.” I was worried because they were slowly disappearing.
“We love you so much. Be happy for us and don’t waste your life. We are happy here as we see you happy.”
“Lileth.” I panicked when I saw that they were about to disappear. “Lileth, I love you so much. I love you all very much.”
I tried to hold on to them and but they gradually disappeared. I don’t want to lose them. They cannot be lost. I want to stay here with them. This is the only place where we can build a happy family.
“Lileth.”
“Daddy.” The two children said at once and they were completely gone.
“LILETH!”
I get up and look around. “Lileth!”
“Dave.” Someone holds me but I ignore them. I also heard a lot of voices around calling me.
“Lileth!”
“Dave!” Someone shook me. “Dave.”
“Dave.”
“Dustine.”
“Lileth!”
“Dave!” A loud slap I received. I woke up and saw Dylan standing in front of me.
“Why did you slap him?”
“I’m sorry, mom, she doesn’t stop.”
“My older brother is stunned. I think he really hurt by what you did, Dylan?”
“He goes wild.”
“Dave?” I held my head with a bandage. I looked around and here I was in my room. Mom, Daze, and Dylan are here also. I felt a little dizzy so I lay down while holding my head.
“Son, are you ok?” I cried when I realized that I am still alive. “Look what you’ve done, Damon?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to stop him.” Then he stretched. “You’re going wild and the only option to stop you is to slap you.”
“Dave, son. What are you doing?” I didn’t answer and I just stared blankly. “You almost left us if your brother didn’t come. Son, will you leave mommy? You don’t love me anymore?”
“Sorry, mom.”
“Son, sorry if I failed to be a mother. I’m sorry if I haven’t been a good mother to you that’s why you’re like that. I’m sorry if I neglected you and didn’t ask you about your feelings.”
“No, mom, you’re the best. I am the problem and you are not. I’m sorry if I have shortcomings as your child.”
“All of you have no shortcomings. You have all fulfilled your role as your children. You are all perfect for me because you are my children. Please son don’t say that. I love you and I need you all.”
“Sorry, mom. I am sorry.”
“Shh! I should be the one who’s asking sorry for you, son. Because I no longer have the times when you need me. But believe me, I love you so much and I am the first to be hurt when something bad happens to you.” Mom and I cried while hugging each other. “Please, son, don’t do it again. I can’t afford to lose one of you.”
“Mommy, I love her so much.”
“I know, I know. But please don’t do it again. I am here for you always if you need someone to talk to. I am here, son. I love you.”
“I’m sorry, mom. I am sorry for hurting you.”
“Promise me you won’t do it again.”
“Yes, mom.”