“This place is still beautiful. It still hasn’t changed, what I first saw is still the same today.”
“Yeah.” I held her hand and gently squeezed.
“Damon is great and he didn’t neglect it. We had a lot of memories of this place.” We sat not far from the sea and we faced there. I could feel the coolness of the breeze from there as well as the pounding of the waves we could hear.
Her head rested on my shoulder as we watched the sunset. Dylan and I used to be here often when we were on vacation. Dylan also loves the sunset but he prefers to see the moon and stars.
“Hmph, it’s important to him so he won’t let it go.”
“And it’s also important to us, isn’t it? This is where you both proposed and this is also where your dreams for the family you want in the future were formed.”
My tears started to flow again because of what she said. I avoided looking because if I hadn’t wasted the time we had together we would have achieved the dream we both had here. Dreams that no one even came true because of what I did to her.
“But I wasted our dream. I wasted time being with you just because I sent out angry pure lies. And now……”
“Dustine, don’t blame yourself. We are here to create happy memories that I will take and leave with you. Can you just sing for me?” She said tenderly so I kissed her on the forehead.
“What song do you like?” I ask while holding the guitar.
“Whatever.”
I smiled and started. I also don’t know why I chose this. Maybe because of the thought that this song is exactly right for us. Seems meant for our situation today.
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leaving
Someone swept your heart away
From the look upon your face I see its true
I burst into tears after singing. I can not accept it. I don’t want my wife to leave me. I don’t want to lose her next to me. How about me? How else can I recover? How else can I build on our dream that I broke? I am ready for our dreams. I was ready to make up for what I had broken. But why now? Why now when do we want to start?
“Dustine, that’s enough.”
“I can’t afford to lose you, Lileth.”
“You can and you can handle it.”
“I can not do it. It’s all my fault.”
“Dustine, when I’m gone don’t blame yourself.”
“Lileth, don’t say that. I do not want to lose you. Don’t leave me as if you feel sorry for me.”
“Don’t live in guilt and sadness because you have no sin. You are the real victim here.” She held my hand tightly so I did the same. “If I had been honest and trusted in your love, I would have faced the problem together. We could have found a way. I hope we are not both hurt.”
“Lileth,”
“But Dustine, even if we don’t have a problem, it will happen and it will happen because it’s been a long time since I suffer for this. I hope you will forgive me for hurting you over and over again.”
I cannot answer what she said. Because no matter what else she says I still blame myself for what happened. Whatever her reason was there was no denying that I had neglected. I immediately sent in anger and pain and did not know the truth.
She loves me and I feel that. But I immediately believed and didn’t think right first. I just got angry and took action. So I’m guilty too.
“Lileth, are you really leaving me?”
“I don’t want, Dustine, but I can’t control my life.”
“Won’t you give me a chance to recover? Don’t you love me anymore because I’m at fault for you and I even ruined our lives? I’m sorry. I regret. Please don’t leave me.” I bend down while sobbing.
“Dustine, I love you so much.”
“If you love me why will you leave me? Shouldn’t we be together until the end?”
“Sorry, Dustine.”
“Lileth.” I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. “Lileth, please forgive me. Forgive me for all my sins against you. Forgive me for hurting ypu and for all I have done. Please don’t leave me.”
“You don’t apologize to me I forgive you. I love you so much, Dustine. ”
“Then why are you still leaving me? Lileth, everything you want I will do, everything you ask I will give. Just stay by the side.”
“Dustine, please enough.”
“I can’t, Lileth. I can’t afford to lose you. I don’t know how to live when you’re gone.”
“You have to be strong and be strong.”
“You are the strength that strengthens me.”
“Dustine.” She pulled away from me and lifted my face. “Dustine, I love you so much, remember that. That won’t change. Even without me, my love will not disappear. I’m sorry I can’t be with you in your dreams anymore. But believe me. Everyone has a reason and it is for the good of us all.”
“Lileth, don’t leave me.” Almost no voice came out of me because of the intensity of the crying while repeatedly asking her not to leave me.
“Even if I don’t want to, we’re only up to here.”
“Lileth, what will happen to me? What will I do if you’re gone? Who will take care of me? Who will understand and love me? You are the only one who perseveres with me. Continuing to love even when hurt. You are always by my side even when I push away. The only one who understands me even though I can no longer understand myself. If you leave me, what will happen to me? Who will do it all then? Lileth, my life revolves around you.”
“Dustine, you need to be strong.”
“Can I come with you?” She shook her head and kissed me on the cheek. “Can we be together until the next life?”
“No.”
“Why, I want to be with you.”
“Dustine, listen. When I’m gone, I want you to find Erika and come back to her.”
“What —”
“If there’s anyone I can trust to leave you, I know it’s her.”
“Lileth, I need you and not her. I promise I will never love her again and I will forget her as long as you stay.”
Yes, I love Erika and I admit it. But I love my wife more. I chose him then and I will choose him now. Not out of pity but because he is the one I truly love. And I will choose him over and over again even if I get hurt over and over again.
I don’t regret what happened to Erika and me and even more so I don’t think it was wrong because I had fun with her. But that’s only until then because I’m ready to stay with my wife. Erika is just a memory for me that I can consider one of the happiest things that happened in my life.
“I give you my blessing, Dustine. I know he loves you so much and I know you love her too. And I want that if you start a new life it’s with her. Fulfill and complete our dream that we did not fulfill due to what happened. With Erika, you can fulfill everything you want in a family.”
“Lileth.”
“Dustine, I’m happy to leave because, in the end, I will deepen our love. I carry your love and I will leave my love. Take Erika and take care of her, love her more than you love me.”
“Lileth.” I have nothing else to say but to mention her name.
“Promise me. Promise to find her and take care of her.” She wiped away my tears. “You promise you’ll love her.”
“You’re the one I want to love.”
“Please, Dustine, promise. I want to hear your promise to calm me down when I leave.”
“Yes, I promise.”
“I’m happy to leave, I hope — I hope you’ll be happy for me.”
“Lileth.”
“Always take care of yourself, huh?”
“I apologize to our children. Tell them I didn’t mean to kill them. I hope they will forgive me.”
“I know they have forgiven you.” She stroked my face and wiped away the tears. “Take care of yourself I want the next time we meet nothing has changed because you did not neglect. See you again, Dustine. When that day comes and we will never be separated.”
“I love you so much, Lileth.”
“I love you so much, Dustine.”
She slowly approached me and hugged me so I hugged her back. And as we hugged and both cried I see Dylan in the distance. Standing on a tree bent over wiping his face and steady shoulder movements.
‘Sorry, Dylan. Forgive me if I did not take care of her. I hope you will forgive me because I hurt her and now she will be gone.’
I saw Dylan turn around and slowly walk away as his shoulders shook.