Author’s Note: WARNING!!! This is a heart breaking scene and may not suite for you reading preference. Please be aware. Thank you and enjoy reading.
I’ve been staring at Lileth’s body for how many hours. The doctor and nurses are beside me waiting for my decision. It’s been a week since she fell into a coma and like Dylan told me the last time — the doctor said Lileth donated her organs. I have here with me the copy of the consent paper with her sign.
I am alone here right now because everyone is in another hospital with Dane. She just gave birth to her and Wallace’s second baby.
“Sir?” For the nth time, the doctor call me but I did not answer.
Am I ready to let go of my wife? Am I ready to be alone again? Am I ready to accept that she will be gone? Can I do it without her? In the more than three years we have been together she has never failed to care for and understand me. Even when we weren’t ok and I was always hurting her.
Then now I am alone. Literally alone because she was going to leave me. Because this time she will leave and will never return.
“Sir?” And again, the doctor calls me.
When Lileth fell into a coma, the doctor was about to turn off her oxygen support to give her organs to the receivers. Her heart was still beating and her brain was still active but her oxygen had already dropped so she was in a coma.
When the oxygen support is removed, she also needs to get his other organs, especially her heart, while it is still beating. I asked them to give me at least a week and today is the seventh day.
“Can you please give a time to talk to her?” I did not hear anything but a soft footstep walking away from me.
I stare at her again. Right at this moment our happiest memories I think. But then I remembered how I tortured and hurt her. How I made her cry, beat, insulted and kicked her out. How I made her look like she didn’t important to me. How I abused her being a woman and being her husband.
And during these times I feel nothing but pain and remorse for what I have done. Remorse that I will never be given another chance to recover from her and fulfill our dream.
I approached her and stood beside her. Only a machine makes her heartbeat and gives her life. She looks tired. I can see in her face how exhausted she is battling her illness. Even though she slept peacefully, her body was undeniably very tired.
The door opened and I could smell his scent. I heard no footsteps so I’m sure he was just at the door.
“Can I do it?” I ask.
“You have to. Even if she disappears, she will have lives to save and new hope for the parts of her body that she will leave behind.”
“Will you accept that she will no longer be seen?”
“I have to accept because that is what is destined for her.”
“Should I let her go?”
“She’s tired. Don’t let her suffer for long.”
“But I do believe in miracles and I believe that she will wake up.”
“Then ask her for a sign if she still wants to stay or you need to release her. Talk to her and God will help her to give you the sign that you wanted.”
One thing that I admire in Dylan is his faith. He may be an ass, amongst us. But when it comes to faith, you oppose all his beliefs, not just his belief in God. Judge him all you can, but never judge his faith. Because for him, whatever he did is between him and God. He is not perfect and he knows that. But his faith is untouchable.
“Should I blame God for everything?”
“No, whatever His will is — there is a reason behind it all.”
“Why is your faith so much when so many pains have gone through you?”
“Because someone taught me to believe in Him. And it can’t deny that whatever I am right now, whoever I am. God never leaves me. Still, I do believe in His will. God knows better than us.”
“But He hurts me? Now, if He takes Lileth from me I will be hurt.”
“But your faith in Him will be strengthened if you understand well what He wants to happen.”
“How can I understand that He let my wife die? And now He will take it from me?”
“Dave, God doesn’t want us to suffer, He wants us to learn and believe in Him. I understand that you are hurting but we are only humans, He’s creation and we have no right to question Him. We maybe suffer now, but this is not real life. Real-life is up right there.” And he pointed up.
“And God gives us a chance to go there to have eternal life by taking us from here. It just so happened that Lileth was ahead of us. But we have to be thankful because her earthly body will be at peace and so does her soul will be peaceful. We have to be thankful that he was lent to us and given the opportunity to be a part of her life here.”
“But I will be hurt, you will be hurt, we will never see her again, we will be together.”
“That’s life, acceptance is the key.”
“Dylan.” I look at him because of what he said. He leaned on the door while looking at me. “How did you manage to remain calm?”
“If you complicate everything and focus on all the negatives. You will end up lonely and alone. Even if you are surrounded by someone who loves you, you are still sad and you feel alone because your mind is focused on negativity and pain.”
I could not answer because what he said was true.
“I want to ask Him to send me back Lileth with me.”
“You can, but I do believe that He has a greater plan. Let go of her, so you can claim His reward.”
“Dylan —”
“Talk with Lileth, ask her and for sure she will give you an answer.” I turned my gaze back to Lileth.
“Lileth.” Almost nothing came out of my mouth when I called her name. I heard the door open and feeble steps followed by a few doctors and nurses standing next to me. “If you hear me, give a sign. When I see your tears that means you agree to remove your support. But if there are no tears that means you want me to wait for you.”
I hold her hand and her forehead.
“I love you and I am sorry for everything. Please don’t leave me, my wife. I’ll wait for no matter how long, just come back to me. Let me atone with you for all my sins. I will take care of you and serve you. I will do everything for you as long as you stay by my side.” I did not see any tears from her.
“I want us to form a family in the future. We had many dreams then and we will fulfill them. Just tell me to wait and I will stay. But if it’s not really even if you don’t do anything, even if you don’t say anything as long as you’re there and I see you I’m happy. I won’t let anyone take you away from me, Lileth.”
I started to have hope. Not a single tear dripped from her. “You heard me right? I will wait for you, you will come back ‘won’t you?” I kiss her hand and smile only to disappoint me.
“Lileth.” My tears flowed one after another when I saw the tears flowing from her eyes. “Please don’t do this.” But her tears did not stop. I bent down and held her hand as Dylan approached me and held me by the shoulder.
“Set her free.”
“I can’t.”
“She gives you a sign.”
“I’m not yet ready.”
“You have to be prepared.”
“I do not want.”
“She will never wake up. Give her a rest.” I hugged Lileth and kissed her forehead. I put my mouth to her ear.
“I love you so much, please ask my forgiveness to our kids and I am sorry for everything. I love you. I love them so much. Just stop crying and I will fight not to take away your support. Stop crying please, please.” But her tears continue to shed.
“Dave, that’s enough. Don’t hurt yourself more.”
“Dylan.” He cocked his head to one of the doctors.
“I’ll do it.”
“Dave?”
“Just tell me which one I will switch off.”
“The red for oxygen, sir.” I cried as I approached the doctor and removed the cable. I heard Lileth’s loud gasps. “We need to take her to the operating room, sir. The donor is already waiting.”
“How long does it take before we can take her body?” Dylan ask.
“Three hours.”
“Thanks.” The doctor left with Lileth’s body. It wasn’t too painful because even though the doctor was carrying her body, I still hoped she would wake up. I hope —- I hope she wakes up. I hope they bring my wife back intact and alive. Hopefully, she will wake up in the operating room.
DYLAN AND I wait for the doctor to come back. The two of us didn’t have a clue as we sat down. I crouched down as he leaned over and kept his foot on the floor. I still try to sink into my mind what happened. I am hoping for Lileth to come back.
After three hours the doctor came back so Dylan and I stood up and faced him. He handed me something I didn’t know what but I still took it. He gives me Lileth medical tag. I looked at him questioningly when he spoke.
“Her body is in the mortuary.” I bowed when he said that. I felt Dylan grab me by the shoulder and squeeze. I looked up and faced him then cried when the doctor spoke again. “The operation is successful to the receiver, her body accepted your wife’s heart.” I didn’t listen to him because I just cried and cried while looking at Dylan.
“Dylan?” Dylan pulled me and hugged me.
“I am here.” He hugged me while patting my back.
“My wife is gone.”
“I am here, you can do that.”
“Lileth is gone. She has left us.” Dylan continues tapping my back.
“You can do it, we can do it.”
Can I really move on? Because right now I just want to follow her and die with her.