I stayed in the hospital and hardly went home. Lileth has been asleep for a few days now. She woke up for a while and then went back to sleep but the doctor said it was normal for someone like her to be sick.
I just go home to get her clothes and get dressed but come back immediately and she is left with Dylan. When I came back once she was awake and they talked about something but I ignored it and I didn’t ask because I am sure it is something about her.
My family already knows what happens to her. No one blames me, not even dad, I have their support and sympathy. They always ask how Lileth is. Is there progress in her situation? I can’t answer because I don’t want to lie. Because as time goes on her illness gets worse.
“Dustine.” I woke up when he called me. I slept on the sofa last night because I went straight to the after office yesterday. And now I didn’t go because I wanted to stay with her.
“Lileth, do you need anything? Does anything hurt?” She shook and slowly stood up so I supported her.
“I’m fine, let’s go home.”
“But you need to check up. The doctor said you need to have chemo.”
“I don’t want to, it will only destroy my body even more.”
“Lileth, that will help you. Some that undergo chemo prolong their lives.”
“I don’t want to ruin my body. If I die I wish I was whole. I don’t want to chemo.”
“Lileth.”
“I want to go home, Dustine. I want to go home to our house and be with you at our place. Please let’s go home.” I saw her tears shed so I quickly agreed.
“Ok, I’ll fix our bill.” I just call a nurse and let her arrange everything. While waiting for her I arranged our belongings.
“Dustine?”
“Hmph?” I let go of everything I held and approached her. “Is there a problem?”
“Can we have a picnic when I come out?”
“Sure. Where do you want?”
“At sea, then take your guitar.”
“Sure, is that all?”
“Yes, I want to be with you every hour before I die.”
“You won’t die.”
“Dustine,”
“You will not leave me.”
“Dustine, please prepare yourself.”
“No, I don’t, I’m not ready yet.” I held her hand and then burst into tears. “I’m not yet ready. I haven’t recovered from you yet.”
“You can move on.”
“Lileth, please, don’t talk like that.”
“Dustine, always prepare yourself, ok? And you will always remember that I love you. I love you.”
“If I am only preparing for your death, better I will die with you. And if you really love me you will never leave me.”
“Dustine, there’s more tomorrow waiting for you.”
“There’s no tomorrow if you’re not with me.”
“Be strong, you can overcome everything. You are brave so I know you can do everything.”
“Lileth, please, don’t say that.”
I heard a knock so I wiped away my tears. I also wiped her.
“Come in.” When the door opened the nurse entered.
“Sir, this is the bill.” I took the bill from here and give her my card. When she got out I picked up the cellphone and called Dylan. I informed him that Lileth was coming home and he said he was going to our home. I also told him to have dinner with us. I also called the maid to cook dinner for us because my brother will have dinner there.
Just a few minutes later the nurse came back and brought my discharge clearance and card. She also helped me get Lileth in the car. I ask dad to give me a vacation leave and he approved.
I want to take care of my wife. I don’t want to accept, even if I’m in denial but I know, and from what I can see, she might leave me. And I want to be by her side before that happens. I want to be her last companion.
Lileth sleep in the car while I am driving. Even when I was driving my eyes were blurry as if anytime I wanted to cry. I don’t want this to happen and I don’t know what I will do when she leaves. I don’t want her to leave me and I might not be able to cope. Even more so, I got used to her presence again and saw the smile on her lips.
When we arrived I never woke her up. I carefully picked her up and then carried her to the bedroom. When I put her down, I immediately put a blanket on her and then sat down next to her.
I took her hand and then kissed her. I can’t control myself anymore. I could only imagine that she would leave me as my tears flowed one after another in pain. I could not control myself and my conscience and pain were engulfing me.
Lileth’s cellphone flashed so I looked at it. It was as if someone had sent her a message but it wasn’t that that grabbed my attention but her wallpaper. I picked up her cellphone without noticing who was texting. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw a girl on display.
If I’m not mistaken this is the girl she looked at in the past. I remember it because of the mole on the side of the eyebrow. I think the baby is five or six months old. I sigh while looking at the child. She still dreams of having children so she put a girl on her wallpaper.
If I hadn’t killed our child they would have been with us today. Even if I get angry with them and at least I can recover when I find out the truth. It’s not like now that all I can do is blame myself.
I look at the baby again and I keep crying. I wasted everything out of anger. I lost my children just because of my stupidity. If only I could bring back the past —- justification of people full of guilt like me.
I approached her and hugged her.
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper. “Please don’t leave me.”
What will happen to me? How do I get up? Can I afford it? Will I be able to afford to lose my wife?
I heard a series of knocks on the door. I got up and left her then went to the door. When I opened it, Dylan was carrying a plastic bag.
“Where is she?” I opened it immediately.
“Sleep, wanna come?” I enlarged the door to let him in.
“No need. Just let her rest. I would like to use your kitchen so I can cook spaghetti.”
“Sure, I’ll help you.”
“No need, just watch Lileth.”
“She’s fine, she’s fast asleep because of the medicine.” He did not answer and at the same time, we went to the kitchen. He prepares the ingredients and I just let him. Dylan loves to cook. Even at home, he is like that.
“Want me to help you?” I ask.
“No, I’m good.”
He arranged what he would need. Dylan never used spaghetti sauce, instead he used fresh tomato as a sauce. He also added condensed milk as sweetener. So his spaghetti is sweet and sour because of the fresh tomato and condensed milk. Just like how Lileth cooked also.
“Did you learn that from her?” He only smile at me and continue what he’s doing.
“Yes, this is our bonding back then, and this has also been my favorite since she cooked it on my 10th bday at the mansion.”
I remember that day because that was also the day we first had a visitor to the mansion from the orphanage because we often go there. It was also the first day Dylan and I fell in love with a woman for the first time from the orphanage even though we were still young. Dylan’s birthday is valentine’s day.
“Dylan, are you still hoping?” He stopped cutting and then smiled.
“Yes.” I didn’t answer either and then took a knife and helped him slice the tomato.
“I’m happy to see you two are ok and getting along.” Dylan and I once looked at Lileth who was standing. I immediately let go of the knife and helped her to sit.
“You woke up early. Why you did not call me.”
“You two take care of each other, ok?” Dylan and I looked at each other and at the same time avoided. There was only one in our eyes before we averted our gaze. Tears – because we know what Lileth is saying that for. “You are both important to me so take care of each other.” At the same time as I was crying, I could hear Dylan’s faint cries.
“Damon?”
“If you’re really leaving, send my apologies to my son,” Dylan said then looked at her and smiled. “Will you take care of him there?” Lileth give her a smile so I cried too. Will she really leave us? Will I ever lose my wife?