“How is school going?” Brody asks me, pulling himself onto the sofa and settling back against the cushions. I take a seat opposite him, wary of the fact that I have to put space between us. For my own state of mind, I don’t think I’m fully ready yet to be close to him all the time.
“It’s going good, I’m a little nervous about exams but I’ve been studying all the time.” I explain, fiddling with a loose string on my pyjama shorts. I glance up at Brody from under my lashes to find his eyes set on my legs. He notices me looking and tears his eyes away, clearing his throat sheepishly.
“You’ll do fine, you’ve always aced school.”
“I know, I’m a little worried about my career after school. I have no idea what path I want to go down.” I mumbled truthfully, the thought still niggling away in my head. The uncertainty on my future was beginning to irk me but I know I still have plenty of time left.
“Give it time Bella, things will naturally fall into place.”
“Patience isn’t one of my best qualities.” I laugh dryly. A small smile stretches across Brody’s face and we both sit in silence for a few moments.
“What are you doing sneaking around here anyway?” I ask him casually, desperately wanting to know his answer. It seems like he appeared out of nowhere and Tia never mentioned Brody would be at the cabin either.
“Trent invited me and I didn’t arrive until late. Sorry if I scared you.” He smirked, his tone playful. I nibbled on my bottom lip —
“So you’re staying the entire weekend?”
Brody nodded before frowning, eyebrows knotted together as a thought crossed his mind.
“I know you don’t want me here because it’s too painful for you Bella but I’ll keep my distance, I promise. I still want to be friends, more than anything.” Brody says firmly, searching my face.
I breathe deeply, running a hand over my face before I nod. I can’t ask Brody to leave just because it will make my life easier, that would be selfish of me. It isn’t fair for me to shut him out when he could be hanging out with his friends and having a good time. I also don’t see why we can’t both remain friends because it’s inevitable that we’re going to run into each other. I’d rather we be friendly and on good terms than inwardly cringe every time we come face to face.
“Yeah, of course.” I choke out, waving my hand in the air as if it’s no bother. I see his shoulders slump in relief and his smile returns.
“It’s pretty late, are you not sleepy?” He asks me and I shake my head, lifting my book in the air for him to see.
“I had a long car nap so I’m wide awake. I was going to do some reading but it’s nice to catch up with you.” I say truthfully, my eyes dropping to the floor.
“Sorry for making you think you were dreaming.” Brody says, amusement dripping from his voice. I roll my eyes, an embarrassing blush creeping onto my cheeks.
“I don’t dream about you, don’t flatter yourself.” I lie. His eyebrows raise high at my words and his eyes flash with humour.
“Please. We both know you’re lying to me, your nose always scrunches up adorably when you lie.” Brody says, surprising me. I gasp and slap a hand over my nose, unaware that my lies could be seen so clearly by him.
“No, it doesn’t!” I protest, my cheeks burning intensely. Brody chuckles, the laughter filling the room and bouncing off the walls. His entire face lights up, green eyes sparkling in my direction. “Should we test it out?”
I shake my head but he’s already leaning forward in interest, a wicked smile playing on his lips. “How many chick flicks do you watch a day?”
“One or two.” I respond, trying my best to keep my face straight. Brody’s lips twitch up into a smirk — “That’s a lie.”
“No way!” I laugh, pulling my knees into my chest. “Okay, I watch three or four if I don’t have anything else to do.” I correct myself. My lips stretch out into a wide smile and I can feel the ache in my cheeks.
“Okay, next question.” I say firmly, masking my face over so that it’s emotionless. “Have you ever stolen anything?”
“No way.” I laugh nervously and Brody gasps, his eyes widening. “You liar!” He whoops, fist pumping the air. I groan and mentally slap myself.
“Okay, let me explain! I was five and I stole a penny sweet from the shop as a dare. That’s it!” I explain and Brody pauses before bursting into laughter. It isn’t long before I’m mirroring him, mine more of an embarrassment laugh. His laughter dies down, the crinkles around his beautiful green eyes disappearing.
“Do you miss me?”
The question knocks me back and takes me by surprise. I blink once and then twice, my eyes permanently set on Brody. I don’t answer at first because I don’t feel like I’m able to process the words. Finally, I speak in a hushed tone —
“Yes, I do.”
I can see his chest rising and falling as his eyes remain locked onto mine and I suddenly feel vulnerable, almost as if he can see straight through me.
“That’s the truth.” Brody murmurs, tearing his eyes away from me. I swallow the thick lump in my throat, not wanting to stay on this subject forever.
“Next question,” I say cheerfully, my voice chirpy and fake. Brody nods slowly, pushing the strands of his hair back with his fingers. I want to walk over to him and run my fingers through his hair, feel his heartbeat against my chest as we lie close together. Even though I want to do that, I don’t. I remain rooted in my seat, waiting for Brody to ask me another question.
“Do you still love me?”
“Okay, what is with these questions?” I respond quickly, my heart rate increasing inside my chest. I can feel the nerves bubbling away inside my stomach, threatening to stir the contents. I stand up and turn my back on Brody, my legs feeling weak and unstable underneath my weight.
“Bella, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” Brody says from behind me but then another voice cuts through the air, causing me to freeze in place.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I whirl around, my eyes wide as they land on Jedd who’s entered the room, his eyes fixed on Brody. His shoulders are tensed, jaw clenched as he narrows his eyes, fists formed by his side. I’ve never seen him look so riled up before, so angry.
Brody turns around, his posture tensing as he comes face to face with an angry Jedd.
“I asked you a question,” Jedd almost spits in Brody’s direction, his voice laced with hatred. My mouth almost drops open in shock and I take a step back, surprised at the way my brother is acting. I’ve never seen him look so overprotective before, so threatening and dangerous. I have to remind myself that he’s my brother but it does little to calm my nerves.
“J-Jedd?” I ask a little uneasily, my voice wavering. His eyes briefly snap over to me and I recoil from the darkness of them.
“Stay out of this Bella.” He snaps at me, taking another step forward towards Brody. I shrink into myself, too stunned to react.
“I want to know why you’re here, laughing with my sister after you broke her heart. You promised me you’d look after her, you piece of shit!” Jedd yells, his voice booming through the room.
“It was a mistake, I understand why you’re angry. Can’t we talk about this like adults?” Brody asks Jedd, his voice confident. I’m surprised he’s not cowering away from Jedd’s violent behaviour.
“Adults?” Jedd scoffs, letting out a dry chuckle.
“You want to talk about this like adults? An adult wouldn’t drop my sister as soon as she tells you she loves you! You’re still a little boy Brody, don’t you dare call yourself an adult. It’s embarrassing.”
I wince for Brody, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole so I wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward confrontation. I didn’t realise how Jedd would react seeing Brody after all this time. He knows how heartbroken I was after the breakup, he watched me crumble and fall literally in front of his eyes.
“Okay, I deserve that.” Brody mutters under his breath, exhaling deeply.
I stumble towards Jedd before the situation can escalate and nervously place my hand on his arm. “Please, stop this.” I plead with him. He barely acknowledges my presence beside him, his eyes still burning holes through Brody.
“I’m not letting Bella anywhere near you, you should leave.” Jedd says tightly, his lips set in a straight line. “Its past midnight and it’s snowing.” Brody says bluntly, his eyes dropping to the floor.
“The roads are well lit, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Jedd snaps, his tone icy. I breathe deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“Jedd, stop it! He’s not going anywhere!”
“I’m not letting that coward break you again Bella! It’s not going to happen, ever!” Jedd argues with me, turning his attention away from Brody.
“Please. You’re embarrassing me.” I whisper, closing my eyes. I can feel my body beginning to tremble and I can’t help but wonder what Brody must think. I don’t want him to know how torn up I was, how broken he made me.
“Bella, its fine. I can go, this was clearly a mistake.” Brody mutters quietly, grunting as he pulls himself back into the wheelchair. I whirl around, shaking my head at him.
“You can’t leave now. It’s dangerous, do you even have a ride?” I question him. He pauses, his eyes falling to the floor in defeat. He doesn’t need to respond for me to know the answer. I spin back towards Jedd, my eyes pleading.
“Please Jedd, you can’t kick him out.”
“I can and I will.” Jedd snaps, his anger never once dissolving.
“Fine, you’re going to have to kick me out of here too because I’m not letting him go alone. I won’t do that to him.” I say confidently, holding my head high. Jedd glares at me, his eyes burning holes through me. I’ve never seen such anger and disappointment seep out of him and I wince knowing that it’s directed at me.
“Do you remember all the pain he caused you? Don’t be stupid Bella.”
“He made a mistake and he’s sorry! He’s human and he went through something that neither you or I can imagine or begin to understand. Give him a break Jedd, he’s still my friend.”
My words cause him to pause, his face becoming unreadable. I breathe deeply; allowing the oxygen to fill my lungs. I can feel the beginning of a panic attack settle inside my chest and the fear begins to grow. I let out a small whimper, lowering myself down into a chair and placing my head in my hands.
Without another word, Jedd turns around, storming out of the room and slamming the door as he goes. I’m left alone with Brody, breathing heavily and on the verge of a panic attack.
A hand is placing on my back, rubbing in circular motions and he keeps repeating one word in my ear over and over again.
“Breathe.”