The first night, we don’t really do much beside from play cards, eat food and chat. I figured we’re all exhausted from travelling out here but I’m grateful for the comfortable silences. I surprise myself at how social I’m becoming and feel proud for finally coming out of my shell.
I mean I’m not about to become a social butterfly attending wild parties every night but I’ve certainly stepped up my game.
I’m freshly showered and changed into my clean pyjamas before I head back to my room. When I walk in, Jedd is already fast asleep on the right side of the bed, looking completely lifeless. I pull the covers over him, noticing how he hasn’t changed out of his clothes. He must be exhausted.
I don’t feel tired due to my car nap so instead I pull out a book from my suitcase. The cabin is silent as I make my way to the kitchen. I reach for the fridge and pull it open, searching the contents. Some leftover cheese pizza stares back at me and I lick my lips, pulling it out. When I turn around to head for the living room, I almost drop my book and pizza in surprise.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I squeak, one hand resting on my heart. I can still feel it thumping underneath my clothes. Brody is sat in his wheelchair a few feet away from me, looking as causal as ever.
“Oh, I get it. I’m dreaming, great.” I mutter, placing the pizza down on the countertop. He doesn’t respond and tilts his head slightly, an amused expression on his face. I let out a heavy sigh, leaning on the counter and closing my eyes.
“Do you not want me here?” Dream Brody asks me, his voice neutral.
“It would make my life easier if you weren’t here. It’s too painful to be around you.” I say truthfully, hoping I’ll wake from the dream soon. Brody often plays the starring role in my dreams but this one feels so lifelike, I barely remember falling asleep.
“It’s too painful?” He questions and I nod, glancing up at him. He looks good, really good and I have to remind myself that he’s just a figment of my imagination. There’s no way he’d actually be here, Tia wouldn’t allow that.
He’s wearing a plain white shirt, the cotton sleeves stretching due to the muscles in his arms. His dark hair is messily ruffled on top of his head and his eyes are just as enchanting as ever. For a few moments, I stare at him, wondering where it all went wrong. I really love the boy and he’d broken my heart without hesitating.
“Sometimes I wonder if you dream of me too.” I murmur quietly, running my hand through my hair. I feel it tickling my shoulders, the strands free and loose. Dream Brody’s jaw tenses and his eyes wonder over my body, filling with longing. I feel a flutter fill my stomach —
“I do, every night.”
“You shouldn’t look at me like that.” I blow out a breath, closing my eyes and rubbing them furiously. I want to wake up before it’s too late. If I wake up soon, the dream will be easier to forget.
“Look at you like what?”
“Like you miss me, want me.” I mutter, taking hold of the pizza and biting down on it. Considering I’m dreaming, I don’t have to worry about eating disgustingly in front of Brody. I chow down on the pizza, savouring the taste.
“I do miss you and I do want you, like crazy. I want you back Bella, do you not see that?” Brody says, his face twisting with pain. I drop my pizza back down onto my plate, his words causing a stir inside my stomach.
“When you first broke up with me, I would have done anything to hear you say those words. It took me a long time for me to stand on my own two feet after I realised I was too dependant on you. It was unhealthy and no-one should completely rely on someone else. We need to learn to love ourselves before we can love others properly.” I say, my every word truthful.
Dream Brody listens carefully, his head bobbing up and down to show me he was listening.
“You hurt me Brody. You were the first person I fell in love with and you were my first friend. I opened my heart to you and you trampled all over it but you know what? I forgive you. I know how confusing and painful that crash was for you. I understand that you wanted to push me away, block me out. I can forgive what you did but I can never forget it.”
A silence falls upon us and I breathe deeply, unable to believe I’m being so truthful. I have nothing to lose and the relief I feel when I let him know of my forgiveness is irreplaceable. I feel like I’m finally free from the darkness that invited itself inside my life. I smile at the feeling, wanting to revel in it forever.
“I can’t believe the person you’ve become, it’s fucking amazing.” He breathes out, pushing himself forward until he’s closer. His green eyes are layered over with fresh tears, full of emotion.
“I made a mistake, I didn’t realise I had something good until it was gone. Not just something good,
something phenomenal. I had you Bella and I didn’t feel good enough for you once I lost my legs. My Mum — ” I stopped him there.
“Please don’t tell me your mother had something to do with our break up.”
“She made me believe that you’d eventually leave me, breaking my heart because I’m disabled. I know I should have been stronger and not believed her but at the time, I thought she was right.”
I feel like a heart has twisted itself in my stomach, churning away at my feelings. I slowly stand up straight, my face the definition of confusion.
“Your mum h-hates me that much?” I whisper, the words choked and hard to pronounce. “God, your mum is a Bitch.”
Brody blinks a few times but I know I’m allowed to call her that because I’m dreaming. I can be completelytruthful and not care in the slightest of the consequences. The thought dawns on me that my own imagination made up Brody’s revelation about his mother and our break up. He never actually told me in person so how could I be dreaming this entirely from my imagination?
A chill runs down my spine.
I snap my head towards Brody and take a slow step forward, my leg wobbling underneath my weight. My hand slowly reaches out and he sucks in a breath as I place it on his cheek. It’s warm and soft and he leans into my palm, his eyelids fluttering closed. I stare at his dark lashes, the contour of his sharp jawline and the light stubble covering it.
“I’m not dreaming, am I?” I whisper, my eyes welling up with tears. When he opens his eyes, the green flames inside them are staring at me intensely. I already know the answer and it makes me want to be sick.
“No, you’re not.” “Holy hell.”
“Don’t freak out Bella.” “Holy fucking hell.” “Bella.”
“Holy shit, why didn’t you correct me?!” I snap, pulling my hand back in surprise and shock. I turn around, my hands tugging at the strands of my hair. “Oh god, oh god.”
“I wanted complete honesty from you.”
“You ass!” I yell, turning around to glare at him. He tricked me into breaking down my walls of security, unleashing my vulnerability. I can’t believe what he’s done and I simply stare at him, my breathing heavy. A hundred and one thoughts rattle around in my head but I can’t make clear sense of any of them.
“Is the thing about your Mum true?” I eventually say, breaking the silence between us. Brody bows his head before nodding slowly. I frown because I don’t understand what this means. He broke up with me due to the pressure from his mother? To protect his own heart?
I know it wasn’t the right thing to do but I understand his actions during a confusing painful time. His mother manipulated him at the weakest point in his life and he was trying to protect me and himself from being hurt. Although I didn’t agree with his actions, I understood them.
“I can’t believe you called her a bitch.” Brody comments, his lips twitching up into a small smirk. Amusement flashes through his eyes and I stand back, shrugging.
“It’s the truth.”
“Yeah, it sure is. What she did isn’t cool Bella but what I did because of her is even worse. I broke your heart and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I want you to know that I’m happy for you, I really am. I can see you’ve found peace and happiness.” Brody says, reaching out to take hold of my hand. His touch is warm and soft and I stare down at our hands, my heart lurching at the sight.
“Not quite happiness.” I whisper, the lump in my throat making it hard to speak. He pauses, his intense stare forcing me to look at him.
“Can you take a step back?” He whispers, his voice low. I numbly nod my head, dropping his hand and moving back. Brody inhales sharply before his hands hold onto the kitchen counter, gripping on tightly. I watch in amazement as he pulls himself up, letting out a small grunt of effort. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him stand up tall and instantly, I’m sucked back into the memories with him.
A small smile lights up his face as he stands in front of me, abandoning his wheelchair behind him. Once he’s standing up tall, I can now see the difference in his posture. His shoulders have grown broader, the muscles underneath his clothing strong and defined.
“How are you doing that? This is amazing.” I laugh quietly, unable to believe he’s supporting his entire body weight on his own. I remember helping him down the steps in school, wondering if he’d ever learn to walk again.
Brody shrugged as if it was casual, an everyday accomplishment to learn how to use his legs again. “I wanted to hug you without the wheelchair.” He mutters sheepishly, his eyes dropping to the floor. His words knock the breath out of me and the smile on my face vanishes. I hold his stare, searching his eyes as I subconsciously take a step closer towards him.
“You want to hug me?” I mumble and he nods, holding out his hand for me to take. I drop my gaze down onto it, hesitating at his outstretched fingers.
“Bella, it’s just a hug. I promise I won’t rip off your clothes.” He says firmly, humour dripping from his voice. I roll my eyes at him but the idea of Brody doing that to me flashes through my mind. The images of it causes my throat to dry out and I blush deeply, blood rushing to my cheeks.
“Unless you want me to?” He smirks, his eyes dropping to my cheeks that are now blushing beetroot red. I narrow my eyes playfully at him and he chuckles quietly, his chest vibrating as he drops his eyes to the floor and back up again to meet mine.
“Too soon?” He says and I nod, placing my hand in his. “Yeah, way too soon.”
As soon as my fingers are wrapped in his, he yanks me towards him with confidence and strong force. I’m instantly pressed against his chest and his hard body and I forget how to breathe. His arms wrap around my
shoulders, pulling me close. I make the mistake of inhaling his scent and as soon as I do, my legs wobble underneath me. Brody notices and one of his arms drop, snaking around my waist. His fingers glide across the naked skin along my waist and I inhale sharply, my breath quivering.
“Brody,” I whisper.
His tight grip doesn’t loosen but I feel his hand move away from my bare skin. “Sorry, too soon, right?” He mumbles down my ear. I don’t respond but nod, sinking into his body as he holds me for what seems like an eternity.
I don’t protest because for the first time in months, I feel a fire light up inside me, bringing me back to life.