“Mute.”
“Freak.”
I clench my jaw tightly, blinking back the tears as I push past the crowds in the hallway.
“Hey Bella!” A voice calls out and I spin around immediately at the mention of my actual name. My eyes meet with Clayton who is another one of the popular guys in school. He’s known for his gorgeous looks, cheeky smile and blonde surfer like hair. He smiles at me, weaving through the crowds until he’s stood inches away. I suck in a breath, my eyes wide as I’m unable to believe that Clayton is talking to me.
“Hi Clayton,” I squeak out, my voice barely above a whisper. I glance over his shoulder briefly, my eyes landing on his friend’s who are watching us carefully. I frown, signalling towards them.
“Aren’t they your friends?” I ask Clayton quietly, clutching my books tightly to my chest. Clayton doesn’t check to see which direction I’m pointing in before he grins, waving his hand in the air.
“Don’t worry about them,” he smiles, showing off his perfectly white teeth.
“So Bella. . . I was wondering if you wanted to grab a burger with me after school?” Clayton says smoothly, leaning against the locker and hovering over me. He grins down at me, eyes shining brightly. My eyes widen further and I feel my throat instantly dry up.
“A b-burger?” I stutter, my hands shaking nervously.
“Yeah? You know it’s that meat thing they put inside a bun with a side of chips?” Clayton says sarcastically, teasing me. I frown and take a step away from him, my back hitting the lockers.
“You want me to go get a burger with you?” I ask in disbelief, my voice wobbling. Clayton chuckles quietly, his chest bobbing up and down as he laughs.
“Yep, like a date?” Clayton explains, running his hand through his long blonde hair. An invisible stone suddenly lodges itself deep inside my throat and my eyes widen further.
A date?
Clayton is asking me out on a date?
“A date?” I squeak out, my voice rising to a high pitched tone. My hands began to sweat and I can feel my books threatening to slip from my grasp.
“Great! I’ll meet you outside the gate after school.” Clayton grins at me before turning around and signalling two thumbs up at his friends. He walks towards them as they cheer, slapping his back one by one as a reward. I stand there in disbelief, wondering what the hell just happened . . .
I look back over at Clayton and his cheering friends, unable to believe he asked me out. Clayton Matthews asked me out on a date?
No-one has ever asked me out on a date. No male has ever taken an interest in me. Now one of the school’s popular boys asked me out on a date?
Un-frickin-believable.
I watch in awe as Clayton and his entourage disappear down the corridor, leaving me standing there speechless.
*****
I decide I’m going to ditch Clayton and his burger date. . . I simply cannot do it.
I barely focus on school the entire day and feel completely on edge. Every time I catch a glimpse of blonde hair in the crowd, I feel sick to my stomach with nerves. Because of that, I haven’t eaten any lunch which makes the nauseas feeling intensify. I didn’t exactly agree to the date but I didn’t reject it either — Silly Bella!
I can’t possibly go on a date.
What do regular people even do on dates?
I don’t know anyone off screen who’s been on a real date with a real boy.
The bell rings throughout the school signalling the end of the school day and I feel my hands grow clammy with nerves. I push open a bathroom door and race for the mirrors, placing my bag down onto the floor. Glancing at myself, my hair is a total mess and needs to be re-done back in its ponytail. My cheeks are red and blotchy from my nerves and I don’t have any makeup on, at all.
I tug self consciously at my hoody that suddenly feels disgusting on me and I silently wish I’d worn a little something more shapely. I immediately turn the cold water on and fill my palms up before bending down and splashing my face with it. The icy temperature of the water calms my nerves down slightly and I inhale deeply, closing my eyes.
Okay Bella, you’ve thought about this moment for the past four years of your life. Your very first date.
“You deserve to go on a date Bella, especially since the rough time you’ve been having in school.” I mumble, giving myself a pep talk.
I open my eyes and blow out the breath I’m holding as I realise I’m right. I deserve to have my very first date and the fact that it’s with someone as beautiful looking as Clayton makes it special.
Does this mean Clayton. . . likes me?
The thought alone completely baffles me however I can’t ignore the butterflies fluttering away inside my stomach. A small smile spreads on my face and I notice a little sparkle in my usually dull and lifeless eyes. I pull at my hair tie, letting my hair fall around my shoulders so that I can re-do my ponytail.
Brody’s words from the other day suddenly flash into my mind, making me pause.
“You look really beautiful with your hair down.”
Is Brody right?
When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see someone beautiful looking back at me. I see my insecurities, my flaws in every corner of my face screaming out at me.
An uneasy feeling settles inside my stomach as I ponder over Brody’s words. If he thought I looked beautiful with my hair down. . . maybe Clayton will too?
With that thought in mind, I suck it up and throw my hair tie in the bin, feeling fear grow inside me. Having my hair run freely down my shoulders exposes me to the world and I feel the terror begin to increase inside my mind. With my hands shaking, I comb through my hair and take a step back from the mirror to study myself.
“You’ve got this Bella,” I whisper, my voice breaking up in vulnerable cracks. I grab my bag off the floor and pull open the bathroom door, merging myself back into the crazy world of high school.