Every set of eyes are trained directly on me. The news that I’m going on a date with Clayton has spread throughout the entire school. As I’m walking to the entrance, I hear the hushed whispers in the background. The judging eyes follow my every movement and because of that, my chest feels permanently tight. I inhale deeply, trying to even out my breathing.
It doesn’t help.
I shakily walk to the entrance of the school where I hope Clayton will be waiting for me. I still can’t believe I’m about to go on a date with him. . .
“The mute is trying to be pretty.”
“Does she seriously think Clayton wants her?”
I turn and glance at the culprits, a group of giggling girls. They narrow their eyes at me before laughing and turning away. Don’t listen to them Bella. Clayton wants to go on a date with me.
I push their hurtful comments to the back of my mind and remind myself that everyone deserves to be taken on a date. With that new found motivation, I head for the exit of the school with a spring in my step. The closer I get, the faster my heart begins to race. I remind myself of all my breathing techniques because gasping like a fish out of water in front of Clayton Matthews is not attractive. I push open the doors, the wind blowing through the strands in my hair.
My eyes scan the crowd outside before they land on Clayton and his friends. He’s leaning against his midnight blue car and upon noticing me, he nudges his friends and they all turn towards my direction. My eyes briefly flicker over to Brody who’s leaning against the wall a few feet away from them, eyes trained directly on me. His face is unreadable yet his green eyes pierce straight into mine. I shiver a little, focusing back on Clayton who’s striding towards me confidently.
“Hey Bella! You look great.” Clayton smiles, motioning towards my hair. I smile at him, fiddling nervously with my fingers. I can feel my palms begin to sweat and I hope he doesn’t try to hold my hand.
“Thanks Clayton,” I whisper, my voice trembling with nerves. Clayton clears his throat before leaning down, his eyes flickering across the crowd staring at his. His arm suddenly drape around my shoulders and my eyes widen from the sudden contact.
“Are you okay?” Clayton asks me, a lopsided smile on his face. I nod quickly, unable to hold eye contact with him. My hands shake uncontrollably and I clutch them tightly, forcing them to remain still.
“S-Should we get going?” I ask him, trying my best to avoid the burning stares from every direction. Clayton pauses, hesitation written across his face before he glances around for the millionth time.
“Hey mute! Over here!”
I freeze at the voice, knowing it very well. Beatrice. When I turn to my right, I see her storming up to Clayton and I, a disgusted expression on her face. Her heavily made up eyes land on Clayton’s arm around my shoulder and she scoffs, letting out a small laugh. I feel my stomach twist and turn nauseously as she stands inches away from me.
“Cute hair mute,” Beatrice mocks me, reaching out and flicking a strand. The blond strand floats in the air before falling back down and resting on my shoulders. I keep my eyes trained on the floor —
“Go away Beatrice.”
Beatrice leans forward, clutching her ear dramatically with one hand on her hip. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you with you being mute and all.”
Beside me, Clayton sniggers before masking it over by clearing his throat. My entire body stiffens and I suddenly have the urge to yank his arm off my shoulders. I glance up at him, my cheeks burning with flames once I notice his amused expression.
“Clayton?” I ask him, unsure of what’s happening.
At this point the students have formed a circle around us, caging us in as they watch the drama unfold. An uncomfortable silence settles in the air and I take a step back, Clayton’s arm falling from my shoulders. I frown and glance up at him, unsure of what his intentions are. Seconds pass where he and Beatrice exchange silence glances between one another before finally Clayton bursts into laughter.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. It’s pretty painful to watch.” Clayton chuckles, standing beside Beatrice. She rolls her eyes at him —
“Aw babe, you could have carried it on a little longer!” Beatrice giggles, snaking her arm around Clayton’s waist. He looks down at her, adoration filling his eyes.
“It’s killing me B. I mean . . . look at her. The false hope on her face.” Clayton laughs, his usual attractive face turning spiteful. Confusion washes over me and I feel my features twist with hurt.
“W-what’s going o-on?” I stutter miserably, my cheeks burning red raw from the stares surrounding me. Beatrice sighs dramatically before spinning around on her heel.
“You didn’t seriously think my boyfriend would want to go on a date with you, mute? He’s so not into the freaky type.” Beatrice laughs loudly, her nose scrunching up in disgust.
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks in the chest.
I take a step back, feeling the breath knock out of me within a second. My throat tightens up restricting my ability to breathe properly. Panic and fear rises inside my body and I find myself rooted to the spot. I’m suddenly unable to walk or even speak. I feel empty, hollow but hurt as hell all at the same time as I stare at Beatrice and Clayton blankly.
“It – was – all – fake.” Beatrice says slowly speaking to me like I’m unable to understand simple English.
Her patronising tone finally causes me to snap out of it and I feel my bottom lip wobble unsteadily as the tears in my eyes threaten to spill. I glance around at the students who are watching me silently, some giggling behind their hands. Others stare at me sympathetically but don’t say or do anything.
My stomach tightens in knots and I let out a little sob, rotating in circles to try and find an exit route. Everywhere I turn, another set of eyes is staring at me and I whimper quietly, feeling trapped. I have to escape and run away from the sound of Beatrice’s taunting laughter.
I feel stupid. . . A complete idiot.
I’m a first class idiot for thinking someone like Clayton would be interested in someone like me. A mute, a freak and a loner.
Of course it’s all just a joke. . . How could I have been so stupid?
I feel stripped of all my securities and I’ve been left bare with nothing but humiliation and hopelessness, my body burning with shame. Panic grows inside me and I stare wide eyed, tears running down my cheeks as I desperately tried to find a way out. My brain shuts down and I’m unable to think rationally. Through the blurred vision, I make out someone coming towards me and I instantly back away from them.
“Bella?”
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel my knees weaken underneath me, my body breaking down due to the lack of oxygen. In my daze I feel arms circle around me securely, lifting me up in one swift move. I’m unable to speak and the words are trapped inside my throat as I realise I’m having a full blown panic attack.
“That wasn’t fucking cool.” I hear the voice say firmly, dripping with anger.
“Jedd,” I whisper, my hands flying to my face in shame. He’s the only person I want right now, the only person I don’t feel embarrassed to panic in front of. I try to remember everything he taught me but my brain is on strike.
Silent tears stream down my cheeks as I feel myself being carried away from the laughter and humiliation. Warm breath tickles my ear and I freeze —
“Shh, you’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”
His tone is calming but I sense the anger behind each word. Thankfully, I know the anger isn’t directed at me. I continue to shake uncontrollably but I manage to calm myself down slightly, my mind clearing from the fog.
I feel myself being lowered into the back seat of a car and the arms suddenly leave me, making me miss their security. I whimper softly, curling myself up as small as I can into a ball.
The car suddenly jerks to life underneath me, the smooth motions of it helping calm me down. My eyelids flutter closed for a brief moment and I feel the fog lift from my mind. Tears stains my cheeks and I glance into the drivers seat to find Brody’s back turned to me.
I breathe in sharply, watching him silently for several minutes. His jaw is clenched tightly and his fingers are tapping on the steering wheel as if he’s thinking deeply about something that’s troubling him.
“Brody?” I call out, deciding to break the silence between us. He gradually turns to face me whilst keeping his eyes on the road.
“Are you okay Bella?” He responds softly, glancing at me. His green eyes are dark yet hold a glimmer of sadness and I know that he witnessed my humiliation. I don’t reply to him and instead lean back against his leather seats, letting the cool material press against my cheeks.
The car rolls to a slow stop as we meet a red light and Brody sighs, turning around to look at me. His eyes quickly scan over my body before flickering up to meet my eyes. I can’t continue looking at him, feeling like the humiliation is going to consume me.
“I think you had a panic attack back there.” Brody comments. From under my lashes I see him reach up, running a hand over his face. I vaguely remember being unable to breathe, my world growing hazy as I struggle to escape the crowds of students. My head nods once, knowing he’s right.
“Where are you taking me?” I mumble, the invisible walls around me building back up to prevent myself being hurt further.
“A burger place.”
My head snaps up at Brody’s words and he continues driving, acting like I’m not staring at him with the most confused expression. When he doesn’t elaborate, I speak again —
“A burger place?” I question and Brody nods, turning around to give me a small smile. His green eyes lighten up considerably, the darkness and anger in them slowly fading away.
“I’m taking you on that date Bella Winters.”