I couldn’t take my eyes off the test. I was pregnant. We both were. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed I ran a hand down my face.
I wasn’t ready, we weren’t ready for another child.
“Ava”. She whispered.
I laughed.
I laughed until I cried.
“I’m not sure I can do this again”.
“Are you not happy?”. She asked taking a seat beside me.
“Overwhelmed”. I sighed. “This wasn’t part of the plan”. I laughed wiping my cheeks. “We’re not ready Ally”.
“And you think I am. Have you seen who my boyfriend is?”. She grinned. “I’m having a child with a man child”.
I laughed. “You’ll be an amazing mom”.
“And you are an amazing mom”. Taking my hand in hers she pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go get a fresh cup of tea and get Everleigh something to snack on. Trust me A we’ve got this”.
She was right. I wasn’t unhappy about being pregnant I was just scared. This time would be different because I wasn’t on my own. Blaze was here, he was with me.
“When is Blaze home?”. She asked.
I was still in shock a little. I was sat at the table desperately wanting a cigarette. I was overthinking everything. What if he didn’t want another kid?
“Ava?”.
“Sorry”. I sighed. “He should be home in the next few hours”. I wasn’t ready to tell him yet. Truth was I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep it a secret a little bit longer. “He’s only coming home because Everleigh has her induction tomorrow”.
“Why is he at Markos?”. She asked placing a hot cup of tea in front of me. Everleigh was in the living room watching YouTube on her iPad. “I’ve made her a ham sandwich and cut up some cucumber. Is that okay?”.
Everleigh wasn’t fussy as long as you weren’t trying to feed her broccoli.
“Marko needs him. Could say he’s clearing his head”. I sighed. “Yeah, there isn’t much she won’t eat”.
“Are you two, okay?”. She asked taking the seat across from.
I still wanted a cigarette. Would it be so bad if I smoked one?
“As far as I’m aware we’re fine. I want a smoke Ally”.
“Then have one”. She shrugged.
“I better not”. I sighed holding my cup tighter. I wanted it to be bedtime. I felt exhausted. “Are you telling Cage tonight?”.
“I’m going to meet him at the clubhouse soon. I’ll stay here until Blaze comes in”.
“Ally”. I sighed. “You don’t have to wait with me. We’ll be fine and he’s already on the road. Go and tell your man he’s about to become your baby daddy”. I grinned.
She laughed pulling me in for a hug. “I love you A, always”.
“I love you too now go”.
…..
Everleigh was fed and bathed waiting for her dad to come and put her to bed. She was shattered but she was fighting it, desperate to see him. I could hardly keep my own eyes open. It was nearing half 8 and I was ready for bed, we both were.
“Mommy”. She groaned. “I tired”.
“Want mommy to come read you a story?”. I asked just as my phone started ringing. “Two minutes baby”. Sliding my finger across the screen to answer it I held it to my ear.
“Hello”. I already knew he was nowhere near home.
“Babe”….
“I’ll be in bed by the time you come in. She’s been waiting up for you Blaze”. Sighing I ran a hand over my face.
“Not my fault darling. Ran into a bit of trouble”.
He didn’t sound like he was in trouble. I could hear the music and the chatter. Had he even left Markos?
“Where are you?”.
“I’m heading out just now babe. I’ll be home in the next hour. Wait-…”
“Still haven’t told me where you are”. I was crabbit and getting ratty and I knew I was probably going to cause an argument. It took a good few hours to get home from Markos, it wasn’t an hour’s drive.
“Like I said I ran into some trouble-…”
“Maybe best you just stay at the clubhouse tonight then”. I was causing an argument. I was annoyed at him, and I had no idea why.
“Ava, what the fuck is with the attitude?”.
“Bye Blaze”. I hung up. I was blaming my mood on being pregnant.
The first thing I did was lock the front and back door. Everleigh had given in; she was fast asleep on the couch. Ignoring his calls, I shoved my phone into my back pocket. I wasn’t interested in what he had to say. I wasn’t angry I just couldn’t be bothered with it anymore.
He needed to realise Everleigh was as much his as she was mine. He couldn’t just jump on his bike every time he needed to clear his head. We were here, his family were here.
“Come on baby”.
Lifting her into my arms I carried her upstairs and into her bedroom. First night in her own room. I just hoped she slept all night. Placing her in her bed I made sure she was warm enough before turning on her video monitor. Closing the door behind me I made my way back downstairs and curled up on the sofa.
I couldn’t keep my eyes open I was so tired. I had been trying to watch TV for the last hour but couldn’t concentrate. Every so often I would nod off and then jerk myself awake. I heard the engine before I saw the headlights.
I guess he didn’t take my advice about staying at the clubhouse.
Sighing I rubbed at my eyes. I was ready to go to bed, but I knew an argument was coming. He wasn’t going to like that I hung up on him or that I told him to stay at the clubhouse. Men like Blaze didn’t like to be told what to do. They had to feel like they were always in control.
He cut the engine.
I wasn’t going to argue. Everleigh was asleep and I wasn’t going to wake her up by having a screaming match with her dad. Walking towards the front door I turned the key and pulled it open. He was stood smoking a cigarette. Shades still covering his eyes, his helmet still in place.
I wasn’t sure if he was pissed or not.
“Get out here”. He growled removing his helmet.
Defo pissed!
I didn’t move.
As I watched him flick his cigarette to the ground and remove his shades my stomach dropped as he stormed towards me. Grabbing a hold of my chin he pulled me towards him a cry falling from my lips. He was being anything but gentle. Pushing us inside he slammed the door shut.
I didn’t speak. Right now, I knew better than to say anything. He was glaring at me hard.
“The fuck was that all about?”. He snapped. “Telling me I best stay at the clubhouse. Is my old lady at the clubhouse?”. He barked. “No, she’s fucking here with my kid. Don’t you fucking dare not let me come home Ava”.
“I-I’m-…”
“I need to come home darling”. Cutting me off he grabbed a hold of my hair and placed his lips upon mine. “You don’t fucking do that Ava; you don’t fucking tell me I can’t come home”.
“Okay”. I cried. “I’m sorry”. Relaxing his hold on my hair he brushed his nose against mine. My eyes closed a sigh escaping my mouth. I wanted to go to bed. I didn’t want to do this right now.
“What’s going on darling?”. He whispered.
“Can we just go to bed?”. I asked.
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong, I don’t want to fight babe”. Brushing his thumb over my cheek my eyes connected with his.
“I’m exhausted”. I whispered. He needed to start helping me out more than what he was. I couldn’t always depend on my mom.
“I’m going to help out more with Everleigh, I won’t be going on the road as often as I have been. Fuck I’m sorry baby”. Wrapping me up in his arms I rested my head against his chest.
“I need you here Blaze. I know things happen and you feel like you need to get away from it all but every time you leave, you’re leaving us behind”.
I didn’t want him to feel bad I just wanted him to realise his family was here. I wanted him to share his feelings with me. When the job got too much, I didn’t want him running away to Marko’s.
“Let me in”. I whispered. “Keep letting me in”. Grabbing his face in both my hands I brought his lips to mine. he kissed me back before pulling away.
“Gonna get cleaned up babe. You coming up?”.
“Soon”. I smiled. I wanted to make sure all the doors were locked, and our house was tidy.
..
I was sat at the kitchen table in a world of my own. I didn’t hear him come in.
“The fucks this, you gonna wait another 3 fucking years before telling me”. He snapped chucking the test onto the table in front of me.
Shit!
“No”. I glared. “I just-…”
“Not gonna tell me about it”. As he lit up a cigarette, I felt his glare. I was too tired to argue about this. I was going to tell him just not the now.
“Of course I was”. I hissed as I got to my feet. “Now I’m going to bed”. As he reached out to grab my hand I moved back. “I’m not in the mood Blaze”.
“You don’t wanna be pregnant”. His words stopped me in my tracks. “Or is it because it’s my baby you’re carrying”. His comment caused something inside to snap. Turning on my heel I stormed towards him and pushed against chest.
“Are you fucking serious right now”. I yelled slamming my hands against his chest. “Being pregnant wasn’t part of the plan Blaze. We aren’t ready for another baby”. As he grabbed my hands I fell against his chest. “This wasn’t supposed to happen so soon”.
“Babe it’s not a bad thing. It’s a baby”. He shrugged. “So, we have another one”. Grinning he held me tight. “Everleigh becomes a big sister, it’s not a big deal Ava”.
Nothing fazed Blaze. I sighed.
“Babe you’re overthinking this way too much. Do you want to keep it?”. He asked.
Of course, I wanted to keep it.
“It’s something we created. Of course, I want to keep it, Blaze. Do you?”.
Chewing my bottom lip, I watched as he grinned. “Damn right I do darling. I wanna see you round with our child. I missed it the first time. I ain’t missing it this time”.
“So, we’re doing this then?”.
He smirked. “Aye sweets we’re having a baby”. Wrapping me up in his arms I slipped my arms around his neck. He was right, I was overthinking this way too much. We could do this; we could bring our second baby into the world.
“Ally is pregnant too”. I had checked on Everleigh before slipping into bed. Resting my head against his chest his arm wrapped around my shoulder. “We’re pregnant at the same time”. I yawned.
“Aye good luck to Cage. That bitch is crazy”.
“Blaze”. I scalded.
“I’m kidding”. He laughed. “The kid has been wanting to be a dad for so long now. Fucker always thought it was him, always thought he was firing blanks”.
“Oh, I know”. I sighed. “Always asking for advice but never taking it. I wonder if she’s told him”.
“Aye darling”. A squeal fell from my lips as he moved us, so I was pinned under him. “To much talking”. He smirked placing his lips against mine.
“I’m dead-beat Blaze”. I couldn’t have sex even if I tried.
“Not even a quickie?”. He smirked burying his head in the crook of my neck. “Too tired for me to lick that little pussy of yours”. I gasped as he slipped his hand down my side and around to the front of my panties.
“Blaze”. I groaned. I wasn’t denying him sex I never would, but I was struggling to keep my eyes open. A cry broke through the air.
“I’ve got her baby you get some sleep”. Rolling off me he slipped his boxers on.
“Are you sure?”. I yawned.
“Aye babe”. Feeling his lips against my forehead my eyes closed.
“I love you”. I whispered.