White light, white walls.
Where am I?
I tried to remember what happened before I lose consciousness.
My eyes widen when I remembered what happen.
I touch my belly and shake my head.
NO!!!
“Baby Tanya!” I shouted.
“Mara!” Maru hurriedly went to me.
He immediately click the buzzer to call for a nurse and doctor.
“My baby Tanya! Where is my baby?!” I ask him with fear.
“Calm down wife, calm down.” Maru said trying to calm me.
I shake my head and my tears started to come out.
“How can I calm down? My baby Maru! We is my baby?!” I ask him again while trembling.
“Calm down Mara. Its stress is not good for you.”
I just let myself to cry hard.
“Mara-”
I cut him off. “WHERE IS MY CHILD?! WHY CAN’T YOU ANSWER ME?!!” I shouted at him.
“S-she is in the nursery.” He said almost a whisper.
I brow creased.
“Why is she there? She’s only on her 30 weeks. How come that she is in the nursery?!” I said with so much confusion.
“You lost a lot of blood. That’s why the doctors need to do a caesarean or else you and the baby might die.” He explained.
I stared at him coldly.
I can see sadness and remorse in him.
I know that I should pity him but I can’t feel anything.
“How is she?” I just said.
“S-she’s in the incubator. Since our baby Tanya is premature, she needs to be in the incubator to serve as her oxygen. ” he said then he look away.
“Until when will she be in the incubator?” I ask him seriously.
“Until she can breathe on her own.” He said softly.
I remain quiet after that.
Few moments later, nurses and doctor came in to check me up.
“How are you feeling Mrs. Ottave?” The doctor asked me.
“I’m okay.”
He check me and ask some questions.
After my checkup, I ask him about my baby.
“Since your baby is a premature baby, she may neither look nor behave like a full-term infant. While the average full-term baby weighs about 7 pounds at birth, a premature newborn might weigh 5 pounds or even considerably less. But thanks to medical advances, children born after twenty-eight weeks of pregnancy, and weighing more than 2 pounds 3 ounces , have almost a full chance of survival; eight out of ten of those born after the thirtieth week have minimal long-term health or developmental problems, while those preterm babies born before twenty-eight weeks have more complications, and require intensive treatment and support in a neonatal intensive care unit.” The doctor explained.
I am a bit at ease after hearing what the doctor have said. Though I still feel sorry for my baby for experiencing this.
I rested after the doctor’s visit.
I did not talk to Maru all dat.
I just remain quiet while thinking about my baby.
I feel so nervous when I found out what happen to baby Tanya.
I’m still thankful to God because He did not make me lose my child.
I long to have a child of my own. I don’t know if I can take it if I lost her.
***
My room looks dark when I woke up.
I open my eyes and I saw Maru with Jana.
I felt pain in my chest.
I chose to close my eyes again and went back to sleep.
I don’t want to see them now.
I’m still too weak to see them together and that close.
“Maru stop blaming yourself.” I heard Jana’s voice.
“It’s all my fault. If I did not fight with my wife, this things will not happen!” Maru said.
“Still you didn’t mean what happened.” Jana said trying to comfort him.
“How will I do if Mara gets mad at me?! She did not talk to me the whole day.”
I furrowed from all the things I’m hearing.
“Mara is just shock because of what happen. Your relationship with her will be alright. Just remember that I’m just here for you.” She said in a sweet voice.
I want to rolled my eyes and cover my ears.
Can’t they talk somewhere else? They are so noisy!
Few minutes later I heard the door open.
“What are you doing here?!” Maru ask.
Who came? Why is Maru sounds angry?
“To visit my friend.”
Its James! I’m sure that was him.
“She’s resting. You can visit some other day.” Maru said forcing him to leave.
My brow creased.
Why is he asking James to leave?
I pretended that I just woke up.
I saw Maru’s shocked face.
I look at him and Jana coldly.
The I look at James and gave him a weak smile.
“James” I called him
He came to me.
“How are you feeling?” He ask worriedly.
I smiled at him. “I’m feeling fine. Thank you.”
“What really happen? You look fine before you went home.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know also. As per the doctor it was because of stress.”
“Maybe because you are working too hard for you family’s business that’s why this thing happened!” He said scolding me.
I pouted. “Its not that.”
“Then why are you stress?”
I shake my head and look away.
I don’t want to answer him right now. Especially when Maru and Jana is here.
I look at those two.
My eyes stop on Jana’s hand that clings in Maru’s arm.
I think Jana notice where I am looking that’s why she slowly remove her hand.
“Why are you here?” James ask Jana.
I saw her eyes widen from James’ question.
“She’s my visitor. You don’t have a say on it.” Maru hissed.
I furrowed.
“Visitor? Why? Are you also a patient that needs a visitor?” James said in a serious tone.
Maru look at me and our eyes met.
I smirked. Go! Answer James!
He look away from my stares.
I felt pain again in my chest.
Maru is about to answer when Jana already gave an answer instead.
“I’m sorry. I’m just here as Maru’s friend. I’m just here to comfort him because I know that he going through something. I will take a leave then.” She was about to leave but Maru stop her.
I feel irritated from his action.
I look away from them.
“You don’t need to leave. Don’t mind my brother.” Maru said to her.
Jana gave a forced smile. “I’m okay. I also need to leave.”
“Are you sure?”
How sweet
She nodded and said goodbye.
After Jana left, Maru immediately went to James.
“Why did you do that to Jana?” Maru angrily said to James.
“What are you saying?” James ask innocently.
“You insulted her!”
James furrowed. “How did I insult her? I just ask her what is she doing here. You said she’s your visitor, I’m just quite confuse because you are not a patient who needs to visit.”
“Your attitude towards her is not right.” Maru hissed.
“What is the right thing then? To act sweet in front of your wife? And what’s worst is that your wife is hospitalized!” He voice is almost a whisper but the seriousness in his voice is still there.
“What are you saying?! Don’t put malice on my friendship with Jana!”
“Don’t put malice your face! If I only knew that you will treat Mara this way, I should have come back earlier and I did not let you marry her!” James shouted.
“What did you say?!” Maru asked.
“Why did you not do it?” I ask softly that made the two shut-up.
“Why did you came back so late? Why did you let me marry your brother?
“M-mara” Maru called me.
I just look away from his stares.
“If you just come back earlier, maybe this thing will not happen. Your brother will not be oblige to break with her girlfriend. He will not be oblige to marry me. I don’t need to marry him and I will have a safe and normal delivery! Baby Tanya will not experience all this!”