Daniel
The past week have been both fulfilling and surprisingly proactive.
At first I thought I was just being grateful to Ms Xiang for saving my life- and even though she took what I said literally, I couldn’t help but admire her cuteness and sense of responsibility.
The longer I spent with her, the more I wanted to be with her. The attraction between us was becoming undeniable, but I didn’t want to be disappointed again, so I tried to ignore my rising feelings for her.
But Heather finally called me and she encouraged me to fight for Penelope if I think she’s really worth fighting for- and she is more than worthy to be fought for.
I mean she’s bold, selfless, beautiful in and out, responsible and kind- I want to make her to be truly happy.
I see her wear a fake smile and pulls it off so naturally it hurts to watch, but she never hates nor blame the people who have made her live this way all these years.
For her to be put in such position even before she was able to decide, but still picks herself up and attempt to be happy even if it’s for a limited amount of time- is just beautiful.
I owed her my life, and wanted nothing more than to add my heart as a bonus.
Finally, I was able to fix the puzzles in my life. My experiences with Livy and Markian were preparing for these, so I was grateful I have crashed so I could be able to learn how to truly love and grow in that love.
About a week ago Markian called me and turns out he found out the whole truth behind Livy’s actions, and he was shocked to the bones.
I could tell he was confused and also disappointed in himself. He was falling into depression and distress, because he thought of himself wasn’t able to protect her when she had to fight a battle all by herself.
“Were you aware that Livy was being threatened and hence the reason of her change in attitude and behavior towards everyone few months ago?” He asked carefully like he was really hoping I’ld say no.
“I knew… she told me about it…” I replied, and I could sense his sudden frustration.
Livy had these maternal instincts that she doesn’t manage well, and would prefer to fight everyone’s battle and get hurt if it would keep everyone safe from impending danger.
She would literally step in front of a moving bullet and get shot than to see anyone else go through such pain.
And since Markian is the most important person in her life, her natural instinct was to keep him away from all truth that could cause him incredible pain. Therefore, she would rather tell everyone else about her difficulties but not Markian.
“So, that’s how useless I am to her?” he questioned tiredly.
“that’s what you’re asking?…” I threw back heavily.
There is no call for self pity or demoralization here, and he needed to know that. If he falls apart, so does everyone around him especially Livy.
“What else can I ask? No matter how hard I try, no matter what I say to get her to trust me and share her pain, her anger or sadness with me, she would rather let everyone else know what’s in her heart except me. So… what else can I ask?” he questioned completely demeaned.
“I think what you really should be asking is how an angel like her fell for you?” he replied sternly.
He’s lucky to have met a selfless woman like Livy who loves him even with her own life. But, her nature does not complement his personality of being in control, protecting and being the hero all the time- even if she’s a blessing to him.
He is not used to being shielded and taken care of as he perceives it as demeaning and demoralizing.
“Then I guess that makes me the demon- the problem that needs to be solved. What kind of a man am I if I can’t even protect the woman I claim to love? How can I call myself a husband when I’m not even aware of the battles my wife is fighting? What exactly does that say about me if she never comes to me for help?”
I knew he’s disheartened and for Markian, this was a new feeling for him.
I’ve admired my cousin all my life and never once have I seen him defeated, but Livy’s secrets have hurt him so much he feels very low.
And I don’t know how to console him because, Markian doesn’t know how to handle strange feelings well and usually makes grave mistakes.
“I never should have left, now I regret giving up on Livy. You know what? I’ll return to Minnesota for good, because it’s obvious she’ll need me to be by her side when you go ahead and fu’k things up with her” I replied provocatively, in an attempt to make him jealous.
I don’t think there is anything I can say at the moment to stop Markian from wallowing in self pity and uplift his spirit, except to make him jealous and it worked- I think.
“Do you want to die? Or I can make it so you never have to speak again, how about that, huh? Don’t you dare act like you’re closer to my wife than I am, unless I’ll make it so you’ll never be able to step your feet back here in Minneapolis.” He warned aggressively.
“I don’t really care about your threats, Markian. I thought since you’re her husband and whatnot, that you’ll be more patient and understanding- but you’re just a lousy, impatient copout excuse for a husband. I’ll come right back and take Livy away from you, right under your nose” I threatened playfully.
“Copout?! You dare to address me in such manner? Have you suddenly forgotten what I’m capable of?” Markian asked very upset.
I could sense he was back to being his brute old self again and that was all I intended for. He was motivated again and I was relieved about that.
“I haven’t, which is why I can attest that you have grown more these few months you’ve been with Livy. Markian, you learned to love again and apologized for your mistakes, so I’m confident you’ve learnt patience too. Because Livy loves you, more than her own life or happiness and all that matters to her is that she knows you’ll never give up on her no matter what. You really are a lucky bastard landing a woman like her, so be her husband and protect her by believing in her and giving her the strength to keep fighting- even if you’ll be doing all that from the background. You won’t always be celebrated as the hero, but she’ll know the really reason behind her victories was you. The best heroes are the ones that don’t seek credit anyways” I floated at the end and heard Markian gave a humble scoff.
“I really I’m lucky aren’t I?”
“Yes you are… just keep believing in her, it’ll go a long way” I added.
“Thanks bro, I’ll do my best to be the best listener she’s ever met- way better than you” he joked right before he ended the call.
Only after the call ended did I recall how fiercely Penelope had fought off those goons for me, and I knew I too was just as lucky as Markian to have someone who’s willing to protect me in a heartbeat.
So today, I decided to put my thoughts into action and take my relationship with Penelope Xiang to the next level.
First, I offered to take her home, which she agreed to- thankfully. It’s been quite a busy week and unlike the previous week I was with Penelope at my place, I rarely saw her at the office all week.
On getting to her family house, I opened the door for her and helped her out. I felt like giving her a kiss just like every single time I see her, but above all Penelope’s qualities I admired she was quite reserved and modest.
So, I plan to play strictly by the books- taking it one step at a time. And even though the attraction between us was getting stronger by the day, I plan to give her the upmost respect.
But as she was about to go inside, I couldn’t help it so I pulled her back gently and was about to kiss her- but I stopped myself somehow.
“Penelope… would it be alright if I asked you out on a date?” I requested with a soft smile, but my heart raced rapidly within my chest.
“No… It won’t be. Let’s face it Mr Winfrey, after a year all of these illusions and feelings will disappear and I’ll have to return to my real life. And when that happens, I don’t want there to be any lingering feelings between us.” She replied, shutting me down in a heartbeat.
“So, you’ll choose Zhin Feng? How can you just decide to be with someone you don’t even like?” I asked repulsed by the thought of that.