As I rounded up my work, I couldn’t help sighing in relief a bit loudly, but he didn’t seem to have noticed. I packed my stuff into my bag, and since it was almost 6pm I had to leave.
When suddenly he placed the book on his chest and stared up into space.
What was he looking at or thinking about? I wondered as I stared up at the ceiling too.
“Why are you still engaged to Zhin Feng even though you know what an ass he is?” he asked to my surprise.
This was the first time he was asking me something so personal. Is this what he was think about? How long have he been think about these?
“I don’t really have a choice, our parents decided it before I was even 12.”
“So you’re not marrying him because you’re in love with him or something related to that?” he asked selfishly.
“No way. Just the mere sight of him annoys the hell out of me. He’s just insufferable” I replied repulsed by just the thought of Zhin Feng.
Not that I haven’t tried to like Feng or anything, i have. Over time I’ve even settled to the idea that I’ll be married to him someday, but I can’t seem to be able to get through to him or like him.
Neither him nor his family have respect for women, and often treat them as either slaves, trophies or assets.
“(Sighs)… wonderful. Now, I don’t have to feel guilty when deal with that clown.” He sighed in relief and suddenly laid his head on my laps.
I felt frozen for few moments by his action as our eyes locked in a familiar gaze. All the brain cells the my head were telling me to move, I mean that’s the logically thing to do right?
But I didn’t want to move. I liked the fact that his head was on my laps, I loved the fact that our eyes were familiar with each other and I liked the fact that he was breaking all my terms and conditions.
“Mr Winfrey… you… emm” I stuttered.
“Just a while longer… I know you have to go, but just let me stay here like this with you for just few more minutes” he pleaded sweetly and I could only help a nod.
He moved the book from his chest and placed it on his face, maybe to avert the lights from getting into his eyes as he just laid on my laps peacefully.
Few seconds passed in silence then he pulled the book from his face and asked,
“Can I tell you a secret?”
At this point cat’s already got my tongue and it was better that way, so I just nodded.
“I think I’m starting to fall for you and all my attempts to hide it are slowly failing” he confessed with a light smile, sending my mind into a spiral of emotions.
Was that a confession of love from Mr Winfrey? Oh dear, what now? What do I say in response?
“I like the look on your face right now, but this is not my love confession… yet. When that really happens, you’ll definitely feel the same way and you’ll know exactly what happens next.” He stated confidently and strangely enough, I understood every word he meant and I believe him.
I was extremely happy with not fear, doubt or worry. Everything was perfect until I overheard his phone call the next day as I was about to go serve him a glass of juice.
“I knew… she told me about it…”
“that’s what you’re asking?…”
“I think what you really should be asking is how an angel like her fell for you?”
“I never should have left, now I regret giving up on Livy. You know what? I’ll return to Minnesota for good, because it’s obvious she’ll need me to be by her side when you go ahead and fu’k things up with her”
She? Angel? It’s her. He must be talking about ‘Livy’. I can’t believe I fell for his niceness and got my hopes up.
I guess even if they broke up he still has feelings for her, so much so he regrets coming back here. Does he also regret getting involved with Zhin Feng because of me?
What was I imagining all these while? I should have been more professional with my boss these past few days- I shouldn’t have gotten all personal and romantic with him.
From now on, my growing feelings for Mr Winfrey would be kept as top secret- no more fantasizing or fraternizing.
It’s been almost 2weeks since the whole Mr Winfrey’s kidnapping incident, and nothing out of the ordinary had happened yet- thank goodness.
Personally, I’ve been keeping my distance and my presence have been only on a professional level. But today, he’s been nothing but friendly and even offered to take me home after work, which i agreed to.
He was such a gentleman and observing the chivalry of one.
When we arrived at my home, he stopped at the gate and I alighted from his car. The ride was pretty quite, I guess neither of us had anything to say to each other.
“Thanks for driving me home, Mr Winfrey… I’ll go in now” I said, then I gave a slight bow and turned around to leave.
But he grabbed my arm gently and turned me back around.
“Penelope… would it be alright if I asked you out on a date?” He requested politely.
Oh, those blue eyes hit me again and I wanted to say yes without apologies. I mean, who would want to refuse such a request from a handsome, rich, well-mannered gentleman like him? a stupid person that’s who.
“No… It won’t be. Let’s face it Mr Winfrey, after a year all of these illusions and feelings will disappear and I’ll have to return to my real life. And when that happens, I don’t want there to be any lingering feelings between us.” I answered sadly.
“So, you’ll choose Zhin Feng? How can you just decide to be with someone you don’t even like?” he asked surprised and slightly upset.
“I don’t have a choice. It’s not like things just simple for me with varieties of choices to choose from. I’m not like you who can just decide one minute to do something and then have the privilege to regret it the next minute. I can’t have regrets- ever, it’s too costly for someone like me. I can’t live or die for myself, I can’t even be selfish enough to love for myself because I have my family to think of. Even though I’ve got a year to live and act as though I can afford to be selfish or to have regrets, but it’s all just a dream. Starting next year, I’ll have to do right by my family and get married to Zhin Feng, because that’s my reality- one I can’t escape from. So, I don’t have the privilege to just live as I please, leave promises unfulfilled or have regrets.” I ranted sadly.
Fine! I exploded alright?! I’m hurt, sad and angry but this is my reality. I can’t let my heart get swoon by the gentlemanliness of Mr. Winfrey, especially since I know where and with whom his heart belongs to- while I’ll just get hurt in the end.
This is the right thing to do, right?- even though it feels like my heart is breaking in two, it has to be the right thing to do.
I made a deal with my family- and despite the fact that it angered Feng, they still indulged me this once. But if I turn around and go behind their backs, breaking my promise to them, that would be a betrayal my family might never recover from. So, this is the right thing to do.
“I wasn’t expecting this to be easy in the slightest, seeing that I myself I’m not a simple man either. But I’ve fallen for you Ms Penelope Xiang, and I don’t plan on losing you to anyone- not even your family. Do have a wonderful night- and if you ever think of me tonight, do give me a call” he replied boldly.
He was disappointed, I could tell but he wasn’t upset. And thought his promise was stern but strangely they left me with hope- so much hope I couldn’t sleep all night thinking about what he said.
Have I found the one? Will he protect my honor and prestige? Is it even right for me to be hopeful?