Zanaya’s POV
“Zanaya, please open the door…”
I curled up even more as I hear Cali’s voice from outside of the door.
I was seated on the floor, my back leaning on the corner of my bed, my knees bent covering my entire face.
My eyes scanned the room. Everything is a mess.
Like my life.
After I came back from Seth’s dorm, I went directly to my room. As soon as my door closed, my vision darkens and before I knew, I was trashing inside my room.
All of the figurines on my table were broken on the floor, my teddy bears scattered on the ground.
I bit my lower lip, tears still dripping down my cheeks.
The image of Seth lying down on his bed with a girl beside him flashed in front of me.
Why? Why did he cheat on me?
I was willing to listen to his explanation after that little pep talk from Storm but I ended up seeing much worse.
Seeing him on a date with another girl is nothing compared to what I saw.
My heart shattered into million pieces and I feel like thousands of needles were pinned on my whole body. I felt numb. My insides felt heavy like a dozen brick was put in my chest.
Is this how married life should be?
I love him. And he told me he loves me as well. I believed him, trusted him purely.
I trusted him because I love him.
All those times we were together, those moments where he smiles at me like I’m the only person worth looking at, those moments when he would pull me in a hug like he’ll die if I’m away from him, are those all lies?
The memories that we had together, was that all nothing to him?
I’m getting tired of all this.
He will tell me he loves me but he will always do something to hurt me.
“Seth Devon, why are you doing this to me?” I whispered, my voice hoarse from all the crying.
Storm told me Seth loves me.
I balled my fist in anger.
He is clearly lying.
But then, images of Seth hugging me like there’s no tomorrow keeps on flashing on my mind.
The way he kisses me, the longing, his love, I felt it.
I felt everything. But why?
My body shivered as I felt a breeze of wind past through.
“Leave him, or I will make his life a living hell. The world will know your relationship and I hope you’re ready to see your husband’s career going downhill.”
I close my eyes as I remember the words which that stupid MC slash Mr. Creep told me the other day.
Apparently, he heard me and Tokyo talking about Seth and now, he knows that we’re married. For days, he had been threatening me about it.
I tried to brush it off but after the incident earlier on Seth’s dorm, I received pictures of me and Seth during our wedding.
I don’t know how he got those but I’m starting to get scared.
I’m not even sure what his intentions are but he’s so angry with Seth. He specifically told me that he will happy as long as Seth isn’t.
I wanted to puke just seeing his ugly face.
Not a single soul knows about it. Not even Seth.
“Don’t utter a word or you’ll find both of your faces plastered on every site in Korea.”
What do I have to do? I have been ignoring his messages and he’s getting frustrated.
I planned on telling our boss about it but he’s overseas and I can’t trust anybody in our company. Only our boss knows about my relationship.
No matter how hurt I am, I can’t let that fucker ruin both mine and Seth’s career. Both our fans will be devastated and our members will suffer. This isn’t just about us anymore.
As if my problem with that fucker isn’t enough, here is my relationship, on the verge of getting wasted and I can’t do anything about it.
I guess it’s best if we break up now. At least I won’t have to lie and break his heart for leaving him. I thought to myself as I think of what I have to do.
Another set of knocking on the door broke me from my trance.
“Zanaya…”
My body stiffens at the sound of his voice…
He was sad, hurting. I can feel the pain in his voice.
“Please, open the door and listen to me my princess, please…”
The beating of my heart quicken.
No, he will just lie to me.
I can’t let him hurt me over and over.
“No…” I whispered. I’m sure he didn’t hear me but I can’t stop myself from responding.
“Zaya, you know I love you, right? Please just listen to me first.”
He was crying.
My chest tightened.
I want to rush out of my room and hug him, tell him that it’s okay, that I love him. But why does it still hurt so much?
Fuck.
Why does it hurt to love you, Seth?
“Zaya, I know you can hear me. I can hear you crying. Stop, please. I can’t bear to hear you crying because of me.” he painfully whispered.
I glanced at the direction of my door and I can see his shoes underneath.
“Leave me alone!” I shouted.
I can’t deal with him right now. My judgment is being clouded with emotion and I’m afraid I might forgive him any moment.
“I won’t leave until you listen to me, babe. I really lost my phone and Demo took me there. I never wanted to be there, babe please!”
Liar!
“I went here last night but you went out. It’s my fault for getting drunk but I promise, nothing happened. I didn’t even know she was there, please.”
He is crying! Why are you even hurt after all you’ve done?
“Stop lying to me.” my voice cracked, unable to handle the emotions within me.
“She’s not lying, Zanaya,” I heard Demo speaking. “It was totally my fault and I’m so so sorry.”
“No…” I childishly answered. “You’re just telling me that so I will forgive him.”
“Babe, it’s the truth. Don’t you have faith in me?” Seth’s voice sounded hurt and my heart wavered for a moment.
I wiped the tears streaming down my face as I heard my phone beep.
Mara: Zaya, I’m sorry. Seth did nothing wrong. It was all my fault for asking Demo to meet him. Seth never agreed to meet us. And he didn’t know Chloe is in his bed. It was all a misunderstanding. We’re really really sorry.
I cried harder after I read what Mara had said.
“I’m coming in, Zaya. I will break this goddamn door if I have to.” he sounded tired and I had to refrain myself from rushing towards him.
My heart skipped a beat after I heard what Grey had said.
“Seth, you can’t. Your hand is injured.”
Did he injure his hand?
“Stay away from the door,” he said.
“Hey, Seth!” This time, I heard a commotion outside my door and I was sure it was Raze’s voice versus Seth.
“Grey, hold him!”
“Hey, Grey!”
I automatically stood up from the ground as I hear the noise outside, my heart beating rapidly.
What if Seth gets hurt?
My feet acted on its own and rushed towards the door. As soon as my door opened, I saw Grey holding Seth by the shoulder while the other was trying to break free.
“Leave him alone!” I screamed as I rushed towards Seth, pulling him away from Grey. I wrapped my arms around Seth and as I look up, I saw his shocked face.
Grey looked startled as he stumbled backward.
The room went silent.
“Zanaya…” the hairs at the back of my neck stood up as I felt his breath on my skin. I followed his field of vision and realized that he can see the broken glasses and other stuff inside my room.
As I turn my head back to look at him, I gulped as I realize how close his face is to mine is.
His eyes are red probably from crying and I felt my insides twisted as I realized he’s just as hurt as I am.
His hands reached my face, cupping it all over, his forehead close to mine.
“Don’t ever do that again okay. Promise me you won’t ever lock yourself in your room and do that. You got me all scared.” he whispered.
My body shivered as I felt him wipe the tears on my face. Before I even knew what’s happening, my body got lifted from the floor as Seth carry me towards my room.
My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. Soon enough, I felt him gently put me in my bed.
I turned towards him as he lie down beside me, our eyes met and I pouted as I felt his hand started brushing my hair.
“I love you, Zanaya, always remember that.”
A tear escaped my eyes as I look back at him.
But we can’t be together anymore. You will get hurt. I wanted to tell him that so bad but I refrained myself.
“I hate you so much Seth.” he looked taken aback but did not respond and listened.
“I hate you because you’re making me feel all kinds of emotions but I hate myself more because even after everything, my love for you is even stronger that I can’t help but long for you still. I love you so much that it’s hurting me every time. Fuck, why did I ended up loving you like this?” I started bawling my eyes out as I cover my face with my hands.
He reached for me and I felt him wrap his arms around me, allowing me to cry over his chest.
“I’m sorry Zaya, I’m really really sorry. Please stop crying, it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.” I felt his body shaking as we both cry in each other’s arms.
“I love you so much. Tell me what I need to do. I will do it. Just stop crying babe, please.” He pulled me closer and I can hear the beating of his heart.
Seth Devon, we’ve been hurt a lot of times. Now, I’m not really sure if everything is really working out.
And how am I supposed to tell you the mess I have gotten into?