I’m a Pain in the Ass
XANDRY
Cursing under my breath, I saw how the time slowly moving by on the wall clock. These past nine weeks of my life I’d been to heaven and hell. Hell as I drowned myself with work when Blaine had friend-zoned me. The pain seared through my heart was hard to ignore. And heaven— we still talked, but I was a greedy asshole. It wasn’t enough. And I still missed her terribly.
Thankfully, Sunshine and the baby were healthy. Last week, she asked me to watch an erotic movie with her. It wasn’t new to me, but the hardest part was watching the egotistic jerk male lead fucking a woman on his own terms. It made me think of being balls deep with Blaine and my aching attention-seeker of a cock hardened like a rock before the scene got to the best part. My body was buzzing with the desire to taste Blaine, to be between her legs, and to be buried deep in her sweetness. The heat of lust spiked through my veins. And it was embarrassing that Sunshine was aware of it. What had gotten into me agreeing to watch that movie with her?
Then she made a move, and I almost kissed her. Reality slapped me right through my senses that it was wrong. I bolted out of the room before things got awkward between us.
Though Blaine and I were just friends, it felt I was betraying her. And damn it! How did I survive with my cock secured in my pants for nine fuckless weeks? Because I’d rather spent time talking with Blaine over the phone, and thenjackedoff than sleeping with someone else. It was hard—painfully and awfully hard not to see her and touch her like I used to do, but I had grown patience in me. I know she’s worth a wait.
My phone buzzed. A smile curled up on my lips. “Hey, sweetheart, miss me already and can’t wait until tonight?”
“Uh, I shouldn’t have called.” I could feel her eyes rolling. “Bye, Xandry.”
I sat straight. “Sweetheart, don’t you dare. I was just joking.”
“I know, silly. Um, I’m just calling because I and Ben are coming tomorrow—”
“Wow! You and Ben are coming to see me, that’s wonderful. I know you can’t friendzone me any longer. You missed me so much, and I do too, it aches.” Holy shit! It didn’t sound right.
She laughed carelessly, and my smile widened. My heartbeat raced just to hear her voice. “No, Xandry. We’re coming because I have to see Bianca. She had cramps and begged me to come.”Of course.
I rubbed my forehead and slumped my back to my chair. Disappointment made me frown. “Oh, I see.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Just so you know, I keep my promise not to visit you. You know how hard it is for me, but patience is one of the virtues, right? Blaine, I miss you so much—”
“Xandry, we already talked about this—”
“I know, I’m sorry. I’m terrible at shutting up. It’s just… I really miss you and staying away from you tore me apart, then I can’t make a move becausewe’re friends, but I-I like you a lot.”I love you.
My heart stopped.
“We’ll talk about it after a few months, Xandry. If you still into me when you already have a baby, then we’ll see it from there.”
“We are good together, Blaine. You know it.”
“I know. Anyway, I don’t want you to be surprised when we bump into one another.”
A laugh rumbled in my chest. “I was actually hoping. Now I know there is a chance of seeing you and Ben, I might plan it out.”
“Is that so? Now I regret telling you. I shouldn’t have called.” The joy in her voice was obvious.
“I’m glad you did. Tell Ben I said hi.” A warmth filled my chest. I missed that little guy a lot. I always thought of him smiling down at my baby when the time came.
“I will. Got to go, Xandry.”
“Sweetheart, wait!”
“Yeah?”
“Aren’t you expecting us to meet?” I closed my eyes, bit my lip, and readied for her answer.
She sighed. “I wanna see you—”
“But?”
“There is no but, Xandry, because it is normal to meet a friend,” she answered cautiously. Now I started to hate the word friend.
Fuck. It sucks.
I cleared my throat. “What if we kiss?”
“Then I won’t see you again.”
“So, do you think you can keep your hands off of me after nine awful weeks of not seeing my gorgeous face, my cleft chin that you love, my arms, my abs, and my…?” I teased, smirking.
“Of course, I can—”
“But I surely can’t.”
“Then I shouldn’t—”
My phone beeped for a waiting call, I checked it. “Hold on, sweetheart, Sunshine is calling.”
Blaine muttered okay. I kept her on hold and answered Sunshine. She might need something. Lately, she was a little bit anxious, but she didn’t complain other than constant sighing.
“Shine?”
Labored breathing reached my ear. “X-Xandry, I-I n-need you. Oh, God!”
“Sunshine, what’s going on? Are you okay?” The sound of my heartbeat thrashed in my ears, making my thoughts scatter.
“X-xandry, I’m not feeling so well!” A primal scream echoed from the other line, and that gave me more panic.
“I’m on my way, Shine. Stay calm, and I’ll call 911. Just relax, okay?”
“I can’t. I-I t-think I’m gonna die. I-I can’t breathe, X-Xandry.” The breathing through the earpiece of my phone showed she was gasping for air.
Christ!
Quickly, I stood up and grabbed my keys. “I gotta hang up, Shine. I need to call an ambulance. Hang on, please. Help is on their way.” I hang up the phone, dialing 911, and rushed out of my office.
I ran my jerky fingers through my hair most of my drive after talking to Mom. Panic seeped through my veins when I thought of something that happened to Sunshine and my child. I was not a devoted type of person, but I remembered and prayed to God and angels to save them both.
Stomping my foot to the brake pedal, the tires screeched as I parked in front of the apartment building, but I couldn’t see an ambulance around. Panic struck me again. Haven’t they arrived yet? It’s impossible.
I strode right into the lobby and relief washed over me to see my mother standing there. My stomach quivered. “Mom, where is the ambulance?”
“Oh thank, God!” She pulled me into a hug.
“Mom, please tell me they’re okay?” I asked in a shaky voice. The chill wrapped around my skin despite the warm embrace of my mother.
Mom pulled away quickly. “Let’s go to the hospital. The ambulance arrived early, Jun opened your apartment to let them in. They’re leaving when I arrived, so I got her things before I came down.”
She rubbed my arms repeatedly. Pain flooded in her eyes. “According to the EMT, she was unconscious on the floor, barely breathing, cold, and profusely sweating, honey. Did she missed taking her meds?”
“Not that I know of, Mom. H-how about my baby?” My eyes watered, and I barely saw Mom in front of me. My world slowed down in an instant. Emptiness swallowed my chest.
“They will be okay, Alexander. Stay strong for your child and Sunshine. They both need you. Now let’s go to the hospital. You need to be there in case Dr. Higgins wants your decisions, you know that right?” Mom nudged me, and I hardly nodded. Her words had not sunk in well. Then she dragged me towards the revolving door.
My body numbed throughout the ride with Mom, and I barely saw the street as we rode to the hospital. It was all blurry. I never thought of how important Sunshine was until today when she was on the brink of death. I thought she was just a friend, but she was more than that to me—she was a part of my daughter, and my daughter was my life.
I loved my daughter just like how I love Blaine—more than anything. I loved Blaine so much that I thought it hurt less to rip my heart out of my chest thinking of living without her, and now it doubled the hurt knowing I could possibly lose my daughter before I even got a chance to see her.
I followed Mom’s quick pace inside the hospital and still feeling lost and shock. I knew this was real, goosebumps wrapped around me like a fucking fog. It made me feel claustrophobic. My skin turned clammy and the sweat dribbled down my forehead.
The two doctors approached us as soon as they recognized us and explained what happened to Sunshine. And to be honest, I didn’t understand anything. It was like they were talking in a foreign language.
I brought my shaky hand to my forehead and wiped off my sweat. I closed my eyes.
Please.
Please.
Breathe, Xandry. Breathe. I opened my eyes and looked at them.
“Your girlfriend’s blood pressure fluctuated that’s why she suddenly collapsed, Mr. Williams. The baby is already in distress as of now and we need to save the mother and the baby by performing an urgent cesarean section, but the patient is unconscious and we cannot explain and obtain informed consent from her.” A male doctor explained, and I didn’t even care to correct the girlfriend part.
“I explained to Sunshine that this could possibly happen, Xandry,” Dr. Higgins recalled.
I licked my dry lips. “I am a legally authorized representative on her behalf. I have a copy of the power of attorney signed by Sunshine and I can call our lawyers to confirm it.”
Mom gave me the papers tucked on the clipboard, and I took it without uncertainty. I got a pen from the doctor. In a moment like this, I needed strength, butmy strengthwas not here with me. I shut my eyes closed and took a deep breath.
Focus…
Breathe…
I glanced down at the paper, it was a general consent for medical and surgical procedures. It stated the doctor who explained, the proposed procedure, the risks and benefits, the complications, the witness, and the date—meaning my baby and Sunshine would be okay. I signed and gave it back to them.
“Please do everything to save them,” I pleaded.
The doctor said, “We will do our best, Mr. Williams.”
Then that was all, they left me and Mom, and I almost collapsed like they forcibly took all the strength I had left.
“They will be okay, honey. You might not understand what they said earlier, but though your baby is preterm she will be able to make it. She has to stay in the neonatal intensive care unit for a while, but she will be okay.” Mom kissed my cheek. We both sat down on the cold bench outside the green door of an operating room.
“Your dad and Saph are on their way.” Saph is still not on good terms with Sunshine, but she stayed civil during our family dinner when I invited Sunshine to join us.
“Thank you, Mom. I don’t know what will I do without you.” I smiled at her no matter how hard to do it right now. The fact that my two girls were fighting for their lives scared me to death, but there was still hope left and I was holding onto it.
“We will always be here for you, honey.”
“I love you, Mom. I know I’m a pain in the ass and a huge disappointment to you and Dad, but I’m on my way to playing a part of a grown man.”
“I love you so much, honey. You made us proud, and don’t ever feel ashamed of standing to your own decisions. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and it won’t be easy and it always scares you of might doing the right decisions for your child, of not being able to provide what’s good for her, but that’s the best part because it makes you a strong person, Xandry. We were once in your shoes, it scared the heck out of me when I found out I was pregnant, but when I first held you and Saph, I cried a river of joy.”
I chuckled. “So, is that why you slept all the time, and Dad had to move your appointment?”
“Yes, part of that and your dad was so excited and pushy. I kept on denying that the pregnancy tests I bought were expired, though I had checked it many times and they all gave me the same result. Then when I felt the first kick, I cried and felt overwhelmed because I couldn’t believe there were babies inside me. I was the happiest mom in the whole world, Xandry. You and Saph are my life—”
“And how about me, Princess?”