Everything Didn’t Matter Anymore
BLAINE
Disappointment swamped over me like a strong wave. Xandry held my call and chose to answer Sunshine. I hated the feeling of being affected when it was my idea to be just his friend. It was harder than I thought. Jealousy slapped me like a bitch.
We talked over the phone almost every night and he never forgot to tell me how he missed me. It was like a broken record, but it made my belly flutter despite our friend-zoned status. He reminded me of his relationship with Sunshine, but I couldn’t help to think of the possibility that he was going to choose her when the baby came. It scared me to death. My feelings were stronger each day, and I already prepared myself for losing him—of breaking my heart again because I knew how much I loved Xandry.
“What’s with the stony expression?” Olive pulled me back to reality.
“More like she just swallowed a bitter pill,” Charlie countered, “I thought you talked to Xandry earlier.”
Pressing my lips together, I nodded slowly to confirm.
“Then what’s wrong? Isn’t he excited to see you?” Charlie queried.
“I’ll be with Bianca all the time and not gonna see Xandry,” I admonished, inwardly groaning of my stupidity because let’s face it, I didn’t have to call him if I was just going to see Bianca. Honestly, I was excited to see him even as a friend.
“Liar liar,” Olive snorted, “You don’t have to say anything because it’s pretty obvious, Blaine, you are just excited as him,” she intoned.
“It’s been like three months?” Charlie asked.
“It’s only two months and a week.”
She rolled her eyes, sipping her hot beverage. “What really happened with the call? We’re not here to guess.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “We’re not done talking when Sunshine called, so he kept me on hold then I waited until like ten minutes, then he just hung up on me. He didn’t call back until now.”
“He will call tonight, darlin’, trust me. And you shouldn’t be annoyed if he won’t call, just friends remember?” Charlie taunted.
“In love with a friend? Well, that sucks,” Olive pointed out.
“I am not,” I countered stubbornly. “You two are not helping. I should go and find new best friends.” I stood from my chair dramatically.
“Just accept it, Blaine Noelle. You are in love with Xandry. You wished you never let your ego skyrocket. See? Now you are hurting,” she reiterated, and my face heated. I hated to admit it, but they were right.
I glared at them for good seconds and walked out of the café, ignoring them seething. Regret was not the best option, but I couldn’t help it. I was a grown woman who could decide and stand for my own words. If they would start a new relationship for the sake of their child then I had to accept that Xandry was not the right one for me. It was better this way, though my feelings were already too late to ignore.
Xandry had nothing but so kind and real. He showed me the true meaning of a relationship no matter how far the distance was. He was passionate and never judged me. He cared for my son, but I chose to be selfish and didn’t give us a chance. It just, nothing could change the fact that Xandry and Sunshine shared something—a bond through their child. Stronger than anything.
“Blaine, wait!” Charlie yelled from my back.
My heart ached fiercely, vision clouded with unshed tears. Sighing, I stopped and turned to face her. “I never regretted my decisions, Charlie. If you can’t accept it then leave it that way. It’s done.”
“I’m sorry, we were just messing with you.” She gave me a guilty grin, shrugging. “Half-messing, okay? We know you love him whether you admit it or not. I bet Xandry does have an idea of how you feel toward him, but when the storm slows down, don’t waste the time telling him, Blaine. I know he feels the same way toward you.”
I stared down at my feet, nodding gently. “Thanks.”
“You should go and pack. We’ll send you tomorrow, okay? I love you, Blaine. We love you.” Olive kissed my cheek and so as Charlie.
***
“Call us as soon as you land, Blaine,” Daddy reminded, and I kissed him on his cheek.
“This is not the first time I travel with Ben, Daddy.” I gave him a reassuring smile.
“I know, sweetie.” Daddy knelt down in front of Ben. “And you little guy, kiss Aunt B for me, okay?” He ruffled Ben’s hair that already reached his collar.
“Okay, Dada. I tell Auntie that Nana loves her and the baby.” Ben wrapped his arms around Daddy’s neck.
“Okay, enough of the drama. It’s just a three days trip.” I walked towards Charlie and Olive who were standing outside Olive’s car.
“Tell us the details on your first meet after like nine years. Every. Details.”
I rolled my eyes. “Wait until I come back then I’ll think about it.”
“I can do that, I don’t wanna disturb you while moaning underneath Xandry’s hard body and hot abs,” Olive whispered in my ear made me giggle.
“See? That’s what I wanna see. I’ll expect you walking limply, rosy cheeks, twinkling glassy eyes when you come back.” Charlie kissed me on my cheek, finally letting me go.
The two hours of flight felt like an eon. Its good thing, Ben was not grumpy when he woke up from his nap. My phone rang as soon as I turned it on and I thought it was Kyland who might be waiting already outside. My heart leaped into my throat. I was grinning like I just received a precious gift.
“Hey, just arrived,” I answered out of excitement. And I completely forgot the thick of bitterness inside my heart that he didn’t call back.
I waited and didn’t hear anything other than deep breathing. My brows joined together. “Xandry, what’s wrong, baby?” It caught me by surprise that I just called him baby. It was my first time, though I imagined calling him a thousand times already.
“Blaine, I’m finally a dad. I’m a dad, sweetheart, and that was the best feeling I’ve ever had.” He sounded grinning as he told me the good news and continued babbling. “She was so tiny, Blaine, so cute, so beautiful. I’m so excited to touch her, but the doctor didn’t allow me yet, said to keep her in the incubator for a few weeks.”
My eyes stung, watered, and blurred my sight while he was babbling about his child. How did I feel suddenly bitter, jealous, and hurt? It felt as if someone stabbed me right through my heart repeatedly, and it didn’t hit deep, but it still hurt like hell. What kind of person had I become? I should be happy for him, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t fool myself either.
“Sweetheart, did you not hear me? It’s earlier than I expected, but thankfully, God! Sunshine made it through. She had to undergo a cesarean section and she’s in the recovery room right now. The doctor said, she will be okay—” He sounded so excited and happy while I was hurting in vain. So, this was why he forgot to call me last night because he was with her? With his new family.
Tears fell from my closed eyes. I bit my lip to stifle the sob that I was barely holding. Why did it have to hurt this way?
“Um, thanks for calling. Congratulations, Xandry! I’m so happy for you.”Am I?”Anyway, I really have to go. Um, I’ll call you soon,” I rushed out my words before I cried out from humiliation and mourning, then hung up.
“Mommy, why are you cryin’? Is that Sandry you talk to?” Ben pulled my hand, staring at me with confusion in his eyes.
Wiping my tears, I knelt down and pulled Ben into a hug. I nuzzled his neck, inhaling his fresh baby scent deep into my soul, and clung to him.
Ben is all I need. Everything didn’t matter anymore.
“I’m just happy to see Auntie again, big guy.” I kissed his forehead, cheeks, and nose, and he giggled sweetly. Yeah, that was what mattered most. “I love you, baby bunny. You are the only one I need.”
After pulling myself together, I took a deep breath and walked with Ben out of the airport’s door. I can do this. I always did this and now, I was stronger than before. I knew I couldn’t avoid listening to B and Kyland talking about Xandry, and I knew they might hear the news that Xandry was already a father, but I could do this.
A bitter chuckle escaped my throat. Unbelievable!
I gasped. My jaw dropped. Abruptly, I stopped mid-stride with wide eyes. My silly heart did an erratic beat and a stupid fluttery feeling in my belly escalated.