Onika’s Pov….
I looked at the divorce papers infront of me.
“I have signed the papers, your turn” Agustin said, his voice surprisingly void of any emotion.
That was quick, Agustin was discharged from the hospital yesterday itself, though I was still unsure of what will be Agustin’s decision, he could be so unpredictable that I won’t ever bet on anything when it comes to Agustin, but somewhere I kind of knew this is what he will do, or at least I prayed, what I didn’t expect was he will be this quick to take the decision.
So this was the moment I have been waiting for, I am just a signature away and every thing will be over.
I eyed the papers for too long as if expecting it to vanish in thin air.
“You can read the papers before signing,” he said, mistaking my lack of response with with my lack of trust.
“Of course,” I said.
A pained expression crossed his eyes.
What did he expect me to say, ‘ it’s not needed, I trust you?’ if I could ever say those words again, we won’t be signing the divorce papers right now.
“Yes, of course,” he mimicked with a pained smile, sending chills down my spine.
He looked at me for two beats, his expression looked like he wanted to say something, but doesn’t know how to form words.
“Before you sign the papers I want you to know, you could have rather asked for my life, it would have been easier than this, it kills me to know that I won’t ever see you again. There isn’t any reason for me to live, life won’t be worth living without you, but then again dying and putting the guilt on your head isn’t worth my pathetic life either, you have already been through enough trouble because of me than I will ever deserve in my hundred life times, so it ends here, I think.” He said, forwarding a pen from his pocket.
“Life won’t be worth living without you,” I repeated his word, looking into his eyes, “that was what I thought when I agreed to marry you, but living without you, I did. I learned how to do that, you will learn that too, it’s just a matter of how long it takes, but a time will certainly come when I will be just in your past.”
I saw plain denial in his eyes, he opened his mouth to say something, but I continued, ” nonetheless I wish you had realised it earlier.”
His expression looked like as if I have stabbed him”I wish that too with every breath I take” he whispered in a broken voice.
I hardened my heart, took the pen he was offering and started going through the papers thoroughly.
My eyes widened in disbelief as my eyes fell on a perticular paragraph.
” 3 million dollars?! Are you out of your fucking mind, I don’t want a penny for you!” I shouted in disbelief.
“Read it carefully, it’s not for you it’s for Alex…”
“Oh yes it is, because you knew I will refuse to take even a cent from you.” I stated.
” Onika I am just trying to make sure Alex doesn’t have to compromise with anything, you can use the money in anyway you see fit for Alex, or he will get the money when he comes off age, what is the problem with that?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, “the problem is, I don’t understand why will you do this, why would you do something like this, he is not your own child.”
“I just want that Alex is well taken care of, and don’t ever have to…”
“You don’t trust me to be capable of doing that?” I seethed in anger, at his lack of faith in me.
“No! God no, please don’t misunderstand me, I know he has got the best mother out there, I don’t doubt that, not even a bit, not for a second, but you don’t know what may happen in the future, god forbid, but what if something happens to you? He has no living relative, nothing…” he hesitated before asking, “will you want his life to be like it was yours?”
He asked softly, leaving me completely speechless.
“I don’t understand this, why would you care about him.” I finally voiced my suspicion.
“I don’t know how to explain this… but I owe him something so big that maybe all I own will even be not enough to repay him back.”
His words were followed by complete silence, silence that was clawing at me, tearing me apart, my heart beating haphazardly, melting at his words.
I took the pen and signed the papers before I completely breakdown infront of him.
“I will soon move out of here, I have to apply for job somewhere else..”
“No! You don’t need to, I am the one who forcefully entered your life, so it’s me who should leave…” I cut him off.
“Agustin please don’t argue with me on this, I want to start afresh somewhere far away from here.”
After a few minutes of silence he finally replied, “okay, if that is what you want.”
Before I can leave I asked him the question nagging at me, “how did you come to know I was pregnant?”
He visibly paled in colour and just gulped the saliva down his throat Instead of answering.
“I asked you something Agustin.”
“I.. I, I read your entries, and got a clue about that you were hiding something and investigated into the matter” He said, looking ashamed.
Anger started bubbling inside my chest like lava as it clicked what he is talking about, ” How could you?!” I shouted.
“I am sorry.” He whispered looking away.
“Did you read all of it?”
He moved his Adam’s apple up and down, looking frightened, “yes.”
I clutched my hair in frustration.
“I am so sorry please don’t be upset.” He pleaded.
Upset! I am infuriated!
“You had no right to do that.”
“I know,” he mumbled in defeat. “I just wanted to know the extent of damage I have done.”
I sealed my lips into thin line, I just wanted to know the extent of damage I have done, and this was the only way you could think of.
“Tell me what I need to do so that you will forgive me.” He asked looking defeated.
Right at that moment somthing clicked in my mind, I have a way to even this, I cleared my throat and mustered my courage, I know this could go wrong, very wrong, Agustin is not very forgiving when it comes to betraying his trust, ” I umm.. have to confess something..”
He arched one brow and said, “go on, I am listening.”
“First promise that you won’t be angry.”
“I don’t think I can be angry with you even if I want to.”
We will see that, I thought. I took a deep breath and said, “I planned on wooing you into signing the divorce papers and full custody of Alex.” I said crossing my fingers, waiting for his reaction.
As recognition drowned on him, to my surprise he smiled and said, ” Ah, that explains the sudden change in your behaviour, no wonder even while plotting against me all you gave me was happiness… and well I actually had my doubts, you changed your behaviour way too suddenly, I kind of already figured that out. I would like to give you an advice though, this planing and plotting thing is not for you, you will always get caught, you wear the truth on your sleeves, Onika” He said teasingly.
I wear the truth on my sleeves, do I? Then why didn’t you see it when I was shouting for you to believe me, I wanted to retort back but decided against it. Let’s not test his patience.
“So you want me to let it go for you to forgive me.”
“Yes” I said, not looking into his eyes, maybe I am not playing fair.
“Okay” he simply said.
“Okay?” I asked a bit unsure.
He arched his brow mockingly “well, do you want to be punished for it.” He asked suggestively.
“No, no, I will pass.” I said immidiatly, making him smile, which reached his eyes.
All I could do is stare at him, his smile, every bit of him, as if my eyes has a sense of its own, trying to memories his every feature, every minute details. There was a serene silence prevailing between us. He looks good when he smiles, it’s so uncommon now, that I realized I was somewhere craving for it without realising.
” Can I ask something of you, Agustin?” I asked.
“Anything.”
“Please complete your course with the psychiatrist and do as she says, she is quite good, there was a point when I really gave up on my life, I was simply breathing but I wasn’t alive anymore, but it changes believe me it does, it will get better. Face your issues, accept them and work on them, be a better person.”
He looked at me intensely before finally nodding his head in affirmation, “I will.” He said, his tone holding a hidden promise.
“And one more thing, I know I don’t have any right to say this, but can you please try to move on with someone else when the right time comes.”
He gave me the looks that says ‘have you gone insane’
“No.” he said through gritted teeth with an edge of anger in his voice.
“Just please, atleast try..”
“Do you want me to ruin someone else’s life as well? Is that what you want? ” He asked harshly, his tone making me cringe.
He pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself.
“Look Onika, I am not ready to move on, I am not ready to love anyone else who is not you, not now, not ever. I won’t promise you something I can’t fulfill and this is something I don’t think I can, please don’t argue anymore I don’t want to talk about it.” he said almost in a helpless voice, his tone softer this time.
“Agustin I am not demanding that you simply go out and find someone else to love, I am just asking that if you ever think that there could be any chance just don’t hold yourself back, don’t let your past get in your way, You never know what the future hold…”
“Do you have any identity twin sister?” He asked mockingly.
“What, No!” Where did that came from?
“Then I do know what the future holds for me.” He said sternly as if proving his point.
I shook my head, “leave it, there is no use talking to you.”
He huffed in frustration and said, “Fine! I will try, but no pro..”
“No promises, I know, I know, that’s enough,” I said smiling at him, even though the thought of him being with someone else isn’t exactly enticing, I realized as I felt the familiar ache in my chest, but knowing that there is no future for us it would be selfish of me not to want so.
“So that would be all I think.” I said, recollecting myself, giving him a small smile.
He tried to form a smile in return which wobbled immidiatly.
He suddenly started moving closer to me when he was just few inches away he stopped and said, ” I was the luckiest man to have you in my life and the stupidest one to loose you, you will always be in my memories, no matter how far you are, or how much time passes in between, I promise you, Onika, the face I remember before dying will be yours, the last thing I will wish to see will be you, whether it is today, tomorrow or fifty years from now. It will always be you, Onika”. ” Saying that he pressed a kiss on my forehead his hands wrapped around the back of my head, pulling me to him.
I don’t know for how long, it could be second, it could be minutes, I just stood paralyzed in my place, holding my breath, moisture forming in my eyes. As soon as he backed off, I took two steps back, desperate to leave.
I didn’t turn back until I reached the door, when I was about to turn the knob, I decided something.
I need to do this, he deserves this.
“Agustin, I want to take you somewhere.”
He looked at me, bewildered.
~~~~
Iris Deluca, the unborn child of Onika and Agustin Deluca, I will love you always, you will always be a part of me, I will find you again in another life and be your mother, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many life times it takes, I will always be waiting for you, always. If possible please forgive your mother for not being able to protect you.
“I had her buried in a cemetery, I was not ready to let go of her, and I don’t think I ever will be” I inserted into the ear piercing silence.
Agustin didn’t move a muscle, he just kept staring at the cemetery, I am not even sure whether he heard me or not, he didn’t show any sign even if he did, then I saw a lone tear escaping his eye, I realized he stopped breathing
“Do you come here often?” He finally asked, his voice hoarse.
“No, this is the first time I have come here after her burial, I wasn’t ready to face the truth before, but you can come here whenever you miss her.” I said and started backing away giving him some time alone, when I stopped dead in my track by what he said next.
“Do you know, Jacob was the be who helped you escape, ” Agustin said still not looking at me.
I was completely stunned at the revelation.
“I wish you be happy in your life with the one you truly deserve.” He said.
“Onika, you go home, I will come latter on.” He said, his eyes never for once leaving the cemetery.
I nodded my head in understanding and left Agustin along there to give him the time he need.
Jacob Knights, what the fucking hell! Why didn’t he tell me that, a conversation with Jacob is on its way, I thought as I left.
~~~~
“Onika for god’s sake, will you tell me what’s the matter, instead of glaring at me like that?” He asked, throwing his hands in air in frustration.
“Are you hiding something from me.” I gave him one last chance to confess.
He furrowed his brows in confusion, “N–No, what are you talking about.” he asked, genuinely confused.
“Did you or did you not help me escape from Agustin?” I asked and saw his features change as my words sank into his head.
“Well is it a good thing or bad thing? Because your behaviour is certainly scaring the shit out of me.”
“You helping me escape might even be the best thing someone has ever done for me, but you hiding the fact is bad , very, very bad.” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
” So should I be worried.” he asked, amusement twinkling in his eyes by looking at my posture.
“No, I should be.” I replied
“Why is that?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Because I seriously have no idea how to repay you back.”
“Maybe you can kiss me.” He said, winking at me.
“Maybe I should marry you, how would you like that.” I said playfully.
“Oh, I would love that!” He said batting his eyelashes like a small innocent kid and we both started laughing.
“No, but seriously, if I ask you to marry me will you?” I asked.
“Umm, let me consider,” he said acting as if he is thinking hard, then replied “No ”
I looked at him in disbelief, acting as if I am offended, well I may actually be… a bit, okay fine a whole lot!
“Why so?” I asked narrowing my eyes into slits.
“what would it be, some kind of gratitude marriage?” He asked.
Before I can say anything, his face lightened up as if an idea suddenly struck him, “but you do want to repay me back, right?”
“Yes,” I replied, a bit unsure, as to where this is leading.
“Maybe not marriage but I would like to see you propose.”
My eyes widened in shock, “the fuck, you can’t be serious.”
“Do I look like I am joking,” he asked with a serious face, folding his hands infront of his chest.
I gulped the saliva down my throat, and tried for the last time, “tell me you are not seriously going to go through it.”
“I am.” He deadpanned, and looked at me expectantly.
When I didn’t make any move he said, “tsk, tsk, Onika Coulin, get on your knees, I am waiting.”
The fucker!
I slowly got down on my knees, taking a deep breath I took his hands in to mine and looked into his eyes I said, ” Jacob Knights, will you do me the honour of marrying me?” For few seconds he just kept staring at me without blinking as if spellbound, then he bit his lips the way one would do to control their laughter.
“That was the worst proposal I had ever seen!” He blurted out gasping for air as he burst out into a fit of laughter
I immediately got on my feet and slapped him on his chest mustering all my energy, “you bitch!”
“Oh god, that was a sight worth seeing.”
“Sure it was,” I said pouting my lips in dismay.
“Okay, okay, I am sorry,” he said throwing his hands in a gesture of surrender.
“Mark my words Jacob Knights one day a girl will come in your life and… beat the shit out of you,”
“We will see.” He said in a challenging way.
“You will see.” I corrected.
“A question though, if I ask you to marry me, will you?”
“The day you will fall for the girl actually ment for you and when she will love you back the way you love her, that will be the day you will thank me for not tying you up with myself in a loveless relationship.
“How can you be so sure about that?” He asked wriggling his eyebrows.
“Because God doesn’t make rare person like you to die alone, that would be a great loss for all the female population in the world.”
“Well I will agree with that.” He said his eyes dancing with mischief.
“I also have a question for you.”
“Okay, ask.”
” Can you forgive Agustin?”
” If you genuinely ask me, I thought I can never forgive him, not for what he did to me, but for what he did to you….”
“But I did forgive him Onika,” he confessed.
“After you talked to Agustin that day in the hospital, he called me in and I was ready to slap him as soon as he says sorry, but he never did, instead he said…. he is ready to be my best man when I marry you, he is ready to reciprocate the sacrifice I made for him,’
And I knew Onika it was harder for him to say that then bear the worst kind of pain that is known to the mankind… I could see in his eyes how he was dying from inside, I had to forgive him.”
Tears started dribbling from my eyes as I couldn’t control my emotions anymore.
I threw my hands around him and cried, cried till I had nothing left, till my tears ran dry, all the while he kept soothing my back.
I knew he was crying as well with me, I knew it in the way his chest shook with silent tears.
Finally gathering myself I said, “I don’t know whether I did wrong or right but I do know if I want to live with myself I needed to do this, but it hurts Jacob it so very hurts, and I know he is hurting as well, after me you are all he is left with, promise me you will help him move on, promise me you won’t ever give up on him, promise me.”
“I promise.” He vowed sincerely.
Before I can even realize what I was doing, I hugged him, he immidiatly wrapped his hands around me, and we just stood there like that, letting ourselves get lost in each others embrace without any word being spoken, trying to show him how much this means to me, how much he means to me, before I walked away.
That was the last time I saw Jacob Knights. And I knew one thing for sure, this person will always have a place in my heart, my shinning star.
****************