Agustin’s Pov….
“Take legal action against me, I am ready to confess my crimes, Every. Single. One. Of. Them” I said sternly, even though I don’t feel even legal actions will be enough, nothing is enough anymore, but that can be a start.
Her lips parted in disbelief and she kept looking at me incredulously.
“Prove it Onika.” I repeated again, I want this, I need this, desperately.
She recovered from her shock.
Her nose flared, breathing quickened, she closed her eyes forcefully, clenching her fist to her sides and before I can blink she slapped me, slapped me so hard my head turned to the other side.
“Are you trying to mock me?” She said.
“Is it still me who needs to prove things to you?” She sneered through gritted teeth, her eyes flushing with anger.
“How fucking dare you?” She clenched her teeth, I have very rarely seen her this angry, the last time I remember, it was when I told her to dance infront of the servants.
My heart clenched in disgust, all towards myself as I recalled that day.
“Why don’t we turn the table around,” she said, a cruel smile playing on her lips.
“I give you two options Agustin, the choice will be yours, The first one is, I take legal action against you, and you get to redeem yourself, as you seems so eager to do that. The other one is you give me divorce, I will disappear from your life, completely, it will give me my freedom back, and that is what I want.”
She tilted her head closer to me and said, “the choice is yours, you choose and I will act on it, no questions asked. Choose wisely Agustin, you have twenty four hours.”
“Why are you doing this.” I asked brokenly.
She looked into my eyes furiously and said, “why am I doing this? You think I can live in peace knowing that you are rotting somewhere in jail? You think that is what I want? This is not about vengeance, I. Am. Not. You.”
“I know this is not about vengeance.” I said in a pleading, for her to understand how much I need this.
She took a deep breath and said, “Let us make it simple, the choice is between what you want, and what I want let’s see how much has changed, let’s see what matters more to you.” She said in an emotionless voice.
Saying that she stood up walking to the door, but before she left the room, she turned towards me, there was an emotion so intense in her eyes that it made ever hair at the back of my neck stood erect with a feeling of… fear.
Looked straight into my eyes, her eyes softened a bit, I can see guilt there, with a resolved expression on her face, she said,
“I have once loved you Agustin, I truly have–” she paused for few moments, blinking back tears, “–like nothing else in my life… like no one else can–” she said and her hold tightened on the door knob, knuckles turning white as sheets.
“I remember those days Agustin, I haven’t forgotten anything, how I used to wake up wrapped in your arms, you looking down at me, lost in your own daze, like I am the most precious thing to you.
I still remember the look on your face, the satisfied smile on your lips. I remember how it used to make my heart flutter, I remember how it’s used to quicken my breath, how it used to make my lips curled in a smile, I remember everything. They were the most beautiful moments of my life and I will carry them with me till the end of my life.
How many times I have wished I could go back in time and lock both of us in that time. Many nights I have cried myself to sleep wishing that, but it doesn’t work that way.” She said in a grim disappointed voice, “how I wish it did, but it doesn’t.”
“Every single second I have spent with you, both good and bad, I remember it all. I tried agustin, god knows I tried, tried so hard to make it work between us, I tried it way too far, for the sake of all we had, for all we vowed.
But those days are never coming back, we need to accept that, we can’t cling onto the past that is shredded to dust, no matter how hard or painful it is, that is the truth, those are just in our past now.”
She took a step back to exist the room, making me react instantaneously.
“Wait Onika, can I ask one thing?”
She nodded her head, and said with a sad smile, “ask, this is the only change you get.”
” Do you still love me.” my voice wavered, as I could feel the shame rise in me even for asking this to her, but I will need the answer.
“I want an honest answer..” I added after seeing the reluctant and distressed look on her face.
“I–” she started,
“there is no ‘I’ Onika, I just want a simple yes or no, I know I don’t have the right to demand any answers from you, but please, just this last one,”
“you, don’t–” she again started with the wrong answer before I cut her off,
“Yes or no Onika,” I urged her pleadingly,
She took in a deep breath and said in a small voice, without hesitation, “Yes, I do, ” her lower lips trembling, there was a glint in her eyes I have never seen before, as she continued,
“But I don’t love you enough to forget our past and make it work between us, I just love you enough to not let you rot in a jail,” she said with a small humorless laugh, as if it was supposed to be a funny joke, when to me it was like a blow to my heart.
She continued,
“I just love you enough to forgive you, but not enough to forget what happened, that is not in my hands anymore, but I can try to move forward and to let go of the past, letting go of the past means letting go of you Agustin, and I am letting go of you.” She said in a pained voice, but her voice was steady, betraying the look of vulnerability in her eyes.
“I still love you enough to wish to see you as a better person if we ever meet again, enough to wish your happiness. . . with someone else,” she added, her voice barely a whisper.
” I am sorry, but that is as far as it goes.”
Time stilled for me as I stared back into her eyes to see if she is holding something back, anything, to give me any hope, but there was nothing, her blue eyes staring back at me, holding me captive, the same blue eyes, I vowed will be the first thing I see in the morning, everyday of my life. I pledged to see nothing but happiness in them, now there is just faint memories of how it used to sparkle when she was happy.
Things could have ended so differently, she deserved so much, now I realise it was not Xavier who broke us apart, nor was it my mother, it was me, just me.
I went against every thing to bring her into my life, just to break her like this, what right did I have?
I made her go through things her pure soul should never even have known existed, that too after promising her all the happiness, and called her the cheater, what damn right did I have?
I filled her with the dreams of a bright future, with our child in it, only to kill that child, only so that she can’t mother a child ever again, what bloody right did I have?
She is right how can we ever get past something like that, no amount of love is going to be enough for a woman to forget the death of her own child because of the torture she had to bear in the hands of her own husband, the father of the child, the sworn protector of both of them.
I should have left her alone… alone for Jacob. He would have treated her like the angel she is, like the way she deserves.
I always loathed Jacob for being the vermin who loves his own best friends wife, considering him as a traitor, when it was me all alone, I am the traitor. I am the betrayer. I am guilty of destroying both of their lives, destroying the life of the most important people to me, them along with my unborn daughter, and the funny part is, I was so ignorant that I managed not to realise it until it was too late.
I kept looking back into her eyes to match the same intensity as of hers, neither she blinked, nor did I, blinking is too much of a cost to pay, we looked into each others eyes as if it’s the last time we are going to see each other, and we both want to savour each and every moment.
I never want this moment to end, even though it is painful, painful beyond measures, beyond anything I have ever know, but there is this daze, this aura right in this moment binding us together, maybe for the last time, and suddenly Onika’s voice rang in my head,
‘You remember Agustin, once I was reading the same book and you started making fun of me that I read child’s book and I said, my mother used to read that story to me and reading that book makes me feel closer to her, then you asked what is my favourite part and I told you where,
Alice asks White Rabbit, how long is forever and White Rabbit says: sometimes just one second.
And you started laughing saying that, that was the most nonsensical thing you have ever heard and you said I am so silly and innocent to believe that, and I challenged you that one day you will understand the meaning of it.’
I do Onika.
I can- want to die at this very moment, with her looking into my eyes, the love I can still see there.
This is my forever and this is the most painful moment of my life.
Her words tore my soul into a thousand pieces, pricing thousand of swords right into my heart, through and through, but the strange thing is, there were no tears in her eyes, nor was in mine.
Her lower lip was shaking slightly, still there was a finality in the way she said everything.
She says, she wants to see me happy with someone else, how do I do that, I can never love someone else, how can I? When the meaning of love for me is Onika, I don’t have any definition of love, I just have a person to represent it, and that is Onika. She is love, and I will never stop loving her.
I made my decision in that moment, I knew what I have to- need to do.
My trance broke as she averted her eyes, walking out of the door, shutting it behind her, not looking back, leaving me alone with the turmoil of thoughts, all ending up into just one conclusion,
‘This woman, who was standing right infront of me a moment ago, my soul belong to her, and it always will.’
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