Onika’s POV…
I stared at Agustin’s pale figure laying on the hospital bed, IV line attached to his wrist, his eyes closed, a small frown on his forehead. Even with his eyes closed he looked troubled. I took few calming breaths to remind myself that he is fine now. I have been sitting beside his bed since past five hours now, and he haven’t moved a muscle.
He is looking so lifeless at the moment…. my heart cringed at the thought. I think this is why Jacob didn’t take me with him, he already knew how it’s going to be. Thank God Jacob reached there on time, if not for him… I don’t even want to think about it.
I have never wanted something so desperately as I want for him to open his hazel eyes and look back at me. I brought my hand to his cheek, tracing a large bruise at the side of his cheek with my finger ever so lightly. He didn’t flinch, didn’t moan in pain, nothing.
I know I should have been the one to tell Agustin the truth, I was wrong to think that I can hide it from him for forever. Initially I used to blame him for everything that happened, maybe he is to be blamed… maybe not, I don’t know anything anymore, though I know one thing, nothing will ever be same again.
With my child gone, nothing will ever be fine between me and Agustin, no matter how much I want to move forward, a part of me will always blame Agustin for what happened.
I know he didn’t know that I was pregnant back then, otherwise he might have not done what he did, but every time I think about my baby all I can think about is, how I used to starve for days, being beaten near to unconsciousness, laying on the cold floor, with me, it was my baby as well who was dying with me every day bit by bit, it was not just me, the baby was always there inside of me, surfing with me, and I couldn’t protect her,
I failed her and so did Agustin, and there is no repentance for that, there can only be immeasurable amount of guilt… which will never be enough.
I couldn’t explain how it felt to know that you had a miscarriage the same day you came to know that you were pregnant, I will prefer to die a thousand times then witness something like that ever again, it was just in that small moment that I had know that there was a baby inside of me…. and then she was gone, bead infront of my eyes. And I couldn’t do a thing. Sometimes I feel like I am actually cursed and… Agustin is the curse.
Whenever I recall that day it sends shivers of anguish and pain through my spine, I could never get the sight of my dead baby out of my mind, no matter how much time passes, I will never be able to move forward, a part of my soul will always be trapped in that dreadful moment. I could never set it free again, never. Nothing Agustin can ever do will change that. Nothing I can ever do will change that.
Though that doesn’t mean I want to see Agustin dead. I have lost count how many times I have prayed to God to punish Agustin in the worst way possible, at times going as far as wanting to see him dead, but I never thought it would be this painful seeing him lying unconscious infront of me, maybe it would have been easier if he was still the same unfeeling bastard, and not the one who is grieving like this, grieving for what he had done, grieving at the loss of my baby, our baby.
I was shook out of my chain of thoughts as I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, I turned back to see Jacob staring back at me, his eyes finding mine and softening a bit.
He forwarded a glass of juice towards me, before I can open my mouth to argue, he narrowed his eyes in warning.
“he is fine Onika, your continuous stares isn’t going to wake him up any earlier, he is under effect of medicine.”
I sighed in defeat and took the glass from him. He brought another chair and sat beside me. “You can go and freshen up, I will be here with Agustin, if there is any progress I will call you right away.”
“No! No, it’s okay I am fine… I-I—” I couldn’t complete, feeling ashamed of myself for still caring.
“Don’t want to leave him here like this, even after everything he has done to me because I still feel for him?” He completed for me, but there wasn’t any mocking edge in his voice, it was like he was just stating facts.
I averted my gaze, not being able to hold his intense one, maybe I actually am pathetic. I felt Jacob squeezing my hand softly. Mustering my courage I looked back into his eyes, searching for any trace of disappointed, or disgust, but there where none, if anything his eyes still held the warmth that I always sought for.
“It’s okay, I already knew it.” He confessed. I just looked at him in confusion.
“Remember when I asked you if you still love Agustin?” I nodded my head, urging him to go on, because I very well remember I clearly said no.
“You said no, but I could see the struggle in your eyes, you said no, but every muscle of your face was saying otherwise, I wasn’t sure if it’s love or not but I knew you still feel for him.” He said in a small voice, his voice flatting a bit, as if it’s paining him to admit it. While I was completely shocked, my mouth ajar as the realisation suddenly struck me,
“what were you thinking suggesting me to act like his loving wife to procure his signs on the divorce papers–” I eyed him suspiciously.
“–Oh My God! How can I be so stupid, how can I not realise it earlier?!” I narrowed my eyes at him dangerously.
“Jesus, No! What do you think of me! It was not so that you can reconcile with you abusive husband.” He looked at me in disbelief and hurt before he continued,
“The day I realized Agustin is not even fucking worthy to kiss the earth you walk on was the day I just wanted to keep him far away from you, he was given chance again and again, and every time he proved himself incompetent.
But I didn’t want to hit on you knowing that you still wasn’t ready to let go of the past, it would have been easy if I had made a move then, but I didn’t want to have you by misleading you when you were at your weakest, if you ask me, I still don’t give two flying shits that you still feel something for Agustin, I can still spend my whole life with you without complaining for once, love or no love, you just standing by my side makes me feel complete. But it’s not about me, is it?
You needed to realise the truth, living in denial won’t do you any good and you were too stubborn to admit anything… I didn’t know how else to make you realise. Even though now that you have realised the truth, I won’t ask you to go back to him, how can I? And to tell you the truth I don’t even want you to, especially not after knowing the extant of loss you have suffered at his hands.
But of course the decision is yours, but if you don’t even know where you stand how do you expect yourself to take a decision, just think clearly before taking any decisions… and just know that I will always be there for you no matter what you decide.”
I looked at him completely dumbfounded, I don’t know whether to slap him for tricking me, or kiss him for being every thing I can ever ask for.
I decided against both of them.
“I need some time to clear my head..” before I can continue, I heard a painful groan and whipped my head in Agustin’s direction.
Agustin opened his eyes slowly, and it directly landed on me, an unreadable expression on his face.
I felt Jacob getting up from his seat, ” I will be outside, call me if you need anything.” Jacob said and walked out of the room, giving us some space to talk.
“Ahh–” Agustin tried to say something incoherent, I immidiatly forwarded a glass of water for him.
Our eyes were just locked for few moments, I didn’t know how to start, were to start. I could see various emotions flicker in Agustin’s eyes, holding me completely spell bound, I didn’t dare avert my gaze.
He was the one to brake the deafnening silence, ” can you tell me what happened that day.” His voice was completely hoarse. He kept his face stoic but his eyes were a complete contradiction to it.
I clenched my hands to contain my emotions, averting my eyes before speaking, not wanting to breakdown by the sheer pain I will witness in his deep orbs.
” You where in a meeting in LA with Jacob that day, I was starving for two days–and–and the night before, you hit me like a possessed man…” I paused for a moment to steady myself.
“I suddenly felt an excruciating pain in my lower abdomen, initially I thought maybe it’s just because I was hungry, but the pain just increased, I had never experienced anything like that, I thought it will go away in a while but then I started bleeding–in-in–between my legs, then it clicked I hadn’t had my periods in three months, I thought it was because of the stress but–” I took a deep breath and continued, as if, if I stopped here I will break down
“I called John to help me, get away from you, I didn’t tell him the details. It was like I didn’t wanted to accept it myself. He arranged for me to get out of your mansion and hired me a cab, I had to go to the hospital first, the bleeding and pain just intensified, it was excruciating..”his sharp intake of breath forced me to look at him.
My heart skipped several beats, as I took in his haunted expression, I am sure it was same as mine, when I came to know about the baby.
“At the hospital I came to know that indeed I was pregnant and had a miscarriage, the baby was bead by then. Even though I knew this was about to come, I couldn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe it. Hearing it completely broke me. I failed to protect my child. I didn’t even know there was a child grows inside me, if I did, I would have protected the child with everything in me.”
“Then my eyes fell on the wedding ring I was wearing and at that moment I was feeling anger so profound for you that I went back to your mansion, risking everything, risking getting caught just to–”
“Give me the wedding ring back” he completed my sentence.
His words were followed by complete silence for several beats, I took a deep breath deciding something, it’s time I do it.
“I forgive you,” I said, meaning it. I can’t dwell in the past anymore, so yes I forgive him for the sake of my own sanity if not his. Every moment I spend in hating him does nothing but just takes another bit of my peace away, and I want all this to end. I can’t take this anymore, I am tired of trying to be strong.
I looked at Agustin expecting him to be relieved, now that I had finally forgiven him. There was a sad and pained smile on his lips, as if every twitch of his lips is costing him something, giving me an ominous feeling. I saw his eyes darken with something incomprehensible, what he said next completely shocked me.
“You forgive me?” He asked, his voice completely emotionless but his eyes looking intensely at me holding my gaze.
I gave him a small nod, unsure of where this is going.
“Then prove it.”
I gave him a confused look. ” You want me to prove that I had forgiven you?” I asked, feeling utterly clueless, this is not how I expected this to go.
“Yes.” He said monotonously.
“How?” I asked, completely taken aback at the unexpected change of events.
“Take legal action against me, I am ready to confess my crimes, Every. Single. One. Of. Them” he deadpanned, enunciating each and every word clearly.
My jaw hung open in disbelief, for any number of flies to barge in.
“Prove it Onika.” He said again, his eyes challenging this time.
I was at a complete loss of words.
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