Few Days Later….
Agustin slowly got down on his knees and rubbed the top of his daughter’s grave with his palm, ever so slowly as if touching something very fragile, as if brushing off some imaginary dust which might have found its way to his precious daughter’s grave, almost in the same fashion as he would pat the head of his child if she were alive.
He did it again, and again… and again, the motion becoming vigorous with every passing second, with every stroke, in a state of trance, he kept doing it till his hands were completely tired and he can’t move it anymore. He stopped and looked at his palms it was a deep shade of red, he furrowed his brows as he realised he can’t feel anything.
Taking a shaky breath, he took out the orchids and placed it over the top of the cemetery, with the same frailness and tenderness as someone would show while dealing with their most loved possession, most precious possession, his hands trembling badly, with exhaustion, with the emotions he was feeling, he didn’t know.
It was his daily routine, to come here and just go back home, without uttering a single word, just keeping the orchids there and staring at it for an indefinite time, as if it was something he needed to do to keep breathing, almost like a robot programmed to do so without fail.
But, today there was something that kept him rooted to his place, as his counsellor’s words rang in his head, ‘you need to let your emotions out, if you want to move forward, you can’t keep it bottled up inside you.’
He stared at the orchids almost absentmindedly, as if some memory occupying his head, a painful smile tugging on his dry lips, as he recalled, they were Onika’s favourite.
He wondered how their daughter would have looked like, like little baby Onika, he thought, his smile widening a bit, before it wavered completely. He remembered how Onika would say, if they ever had a daughter she wanted her to have his eyes, he couldn’t disagree more, he always wanted it to be like Onika’s, the same shade of oceanic blue, you can loose yourself in the dept of. A tear leaked through his eyes, burning his cheeks as it descended down, as if it were acid, as he realised he would never get to know what it was.
‘He would never get to know his daughter’, he repeated the same thing in his head again and again, he would repeat this very sentence everyday, as if the truth was not ready to entre his skull, he so desperatly wanted to accept, but he can’t. He just can’t. He can’t kill his own daughter. This is just a nightmare.
But he knew it was the truth, it has to be, for the sin was engraved in his soul, that will haunt him till the end of this life, he killed his own daughter, as he killed the relationship he had with Onika. Shattered into pieces, till there was no way to put it back together, the proof of it laying infront of his haunted eyes, as real as the day, as real as his pathetic existence.
An excruciating pain hit his heart with full force, knocking all the airs out of his lungs, until he physically had to rub his chest to keep breathing and keep his emotions in control.
He took a deep breath over his rugged once. He didn’t know how to start, from where to start. He could feel his throat constricting in agony, finding it hard to push the air out of his lungs. He gulped the lump that clogged his throat, and mumbled gently,
“Iris,” in a small, trembling voice, as if even taking the name was a crime, forbidden, as if he wasn’t worthy of it. His voice sounded so hoarse that he couldn’t recognise it himself. This was the first time he spoke after days of visiting this place.
“I miss you, love, I miss you and your mom so much” he whispered brokenly.
How can you miss someone you have never know? It sounded strange even to his own ears, and yet so true. So damn true.
“Can you ever forgive me?” He asked in a scared, agonized voice, as if someone had just plunged a sharp, serrated knife, deep into his gut and twisting it painfully.
“Can you ever forgive me for what I did to you….. for what I did to your mother?”
He felt all the weight of his body get concentrated to his heart as he read the words written over her grave.
~~~
Iris Deluca, the unborn child of Onika and Agustin Deluca, I will love you always, you will always be a part of me, I will find you again in another life and be your mother, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many life times it takes, I will always be waiting for you, always. If possible please forgive your mother for not being able to protect you.
~~~
His heart completely shattered as he read the last line for the nth time.
If possible please forgive your mother for not being able to protect you.
His heart clenched in profound shame. ‘Not being able to protect you from me, your father,” he said, helplessness tainting his voice, as he read between the lines, Onika’s unsaid words.
“It was not her fault, you know that, don’t you? It was never her fault, the only thing she ever did wrong in all this, was loving me unconditionally. She thought I deserved to be loved unconditionally..” he said with a small humourless laugh, “until I proved her wrong” he said, clenching his fist with all his might, his nails painfully digging into his palm.
“She would have been the best mother to you, she would have loved you so much…. She had so much of strength within her…” He trailed off as if sharing a piece of his heart with her daughter.
He went on,” Do you know what I did to her.” He questioned, rhetorically.
“I still remember when I met her the first time, she was a spitfire, till I completely extinguished it. Her eyes used to speak volumes, sparkle with every emotion she felt, till she couldn’t feel anything anymore, till it was dead.”
He took a deep shaky breath before he finally said the words that were killing him, bit by bit.
“I killed her, the same way I killed you, the same day I killed you.” He felt crippling pain creep up his body as he said those words.
Saying that he bowed down his head till it was resting on his daughter’s grave, and completely broke down, his heart piercing sobs echoing throughout the graveyard. “I am so sorry.. I am so damn sorry..” he kept repeating the words.
He cried till his tears ran dry, he cried out his heart, he cried till there was nothing left of him, for the first time since Onika left him.
He promised something to his daughter that day.
‘I swear on your mother’s name, I will be a better person, for you…. and for her.’
************
EPILOGUE
Four Years Later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Third Person’s Pov….
Agustin DeLuca looked at the six years old bundle of joy infront of him, playing with her Uncle Jack.
Iris DeLuca.
Iris, the only source of peace in his otherwise turbulent life.
A small gentle smile played on Agustin’s lips, contrasting to his otherwise roughened features, the one which was only reserved for this tiny little creature whose soft giggles vibrated through the walls of his heart as he looked at her with pure awe and admiration in his eyes.
He adopted her two years after Onika left, those two years were hard on him. Making peace with his demons.
With the truth.
The truth that tore his whole world apart, leaving him with a constant ache in his chest. Leaving him vulnerable. Leaving him dead inside.
Every single breath he took in her absence killed something within him. Maybe it was a part of his soul that was dying, he thought.
He didn’t know what was hurting him the most.
That he was never going to see Onika again.
That he was the murderer of his own child.
That he was the reason why Onika can never mother a child again, after loosing her first child so painfully, when he should have been there to comfort her, she was running away from… him, bearing the scars he had given her all over her body. Sacred. Alone. Helpless.
Many a times the reality would hit him so hard that he would drunk himself to Oblivion, till he can’t feel anything, till he can just vaguely hear the name reverberating at the back of his head, Onika.
Strangely that name never went away, no matter how drunk he was, he could still make sense of that one name even if he forgets his own.
At times Jacob would have to search for him, from one ally to another, finding him either at some corner of a filthy bar or beside his daughter’s grave where he often cried till he passed out from the intense pain pricking all over his body, as if someone is physically stabbing him with a knife.
As incredulous as it sounds, even after everything he did to Jacob, Jacob never left his side. Jacob was always there, taking care of his business when he was busy in drinking and mourning. Helping him wordlessly whenever he needed a friend.
If not for Jacob his dead body would have been rotting somewhere for the animals to feed upon.
Jacob made sure he took his anger management classes, never missed his appointment with the councillor, everything that Onika wanted him to do, and that was the only thing that convinced him to keep going with it. ‘If she were here this is what she would have wanted, Agustin’, this is what Jacob would always say whenever he resisted, and that simple statement was enough to make him do anything. Anything.
It took him two years to get a hold of himself, that’s when Jacob advised him to adopt a child. At first he was wary of the idea, not sure if he will ever deserve to be a father.
Greater that the wariness was the fear, what if he screwed up again? Could he bear hurting another pure soul and live with himself?
But then there was this thing he had learned from Onika. Don’t let your fears hold you back. Get over them, fight them, don’t let it pull you back. Move on.
When Jacob took him to the orphanage and his eyes laid on the adorable four year old girl with little hands and feet, curly hair, and chubby cheeks, with aquamarine blue eyes, same colour as that of Onika’s. He felt an instant pull towards her.
And now two years later he was still not sure if he deserved her, but he did know one thing, he loved her to death.
Though not a day went by when he didn’t think of Onika, but it was bearable now. Limited to praying for her happiness wherever she was.
“Daddy I won again!” He was brought back to reality as he saw Iris running towards him, squealing with happiness, followed by an agitated Jacob.
“You cheated!” Jacob exclaimed, throwing his hands in air in irritation.
Ignoring Jacob, Iris launched at Agustin as he got down on his knees and hugged her little head close to his heart.
“That’s my little girl!” He praised her, patting her back.
“I want another game!” Jacob shouted.
Iris just shrugged and said, “Uncle Jack, you need to accept your defeated. No matter how many times we play you always loose.” She pointed out, holding her chin high.
“That is not true, Princess. I did win the game we played last to last time.” He stated as-a-matter-of factly.
A look of confusion marred the little girl’s features as she turned her face towards Agustin and asked, “I can’t remember what Uncle Jack is talking about, can you Daddy?”
Agustin tapped his chin pretending to recall, enjoying the moment, it’s not everyday Jacob and Iris fought.
Usually Jacob and Iris will side together, leaving him all jealous in everything they do, ‘So he might even make the most of it till the opportunity lasts.’ Agustin thought wickedly.
“No sweetheart, I can’t either.” He finally replied beaming at Jacob, trying hard to control his laughter at the death glare Jacob threw his way.
“Traitors!” Jacob muttered under his breath and went out of the room slamming the door behind him.
“Uncle Jack is such a child!” Iris exclaimed shaking her head.
That’s it. Agustin burst out into a fit of laughter not being able to hold anymore, followed by Iris’ soft giggles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Onika’s POV…..
I walked into the amusement park, with Alex tugging at my hand to make me walk faster, squealing in excitement, we walked towards the play area. Kids were laughing, running here and there, chasing each other.
I come here with Alex every evening, it’s one of my favourite time of the day. I will just watch Alex play and giggle with the other kids, sitting at a corner of the park, with the cold breeze soothing my mind, washing away the tiredness of the exhausting day.
I inhaled the fresh air, looking at the sun hiding behind the clouds.
“Mumma! There are my friends, look!” Alex chipped with excitement, pointing towards the bunch of kids as we reached the play area.
I smiled down at him, and said “Alex you go play with them, and I will bring you your vanilla shake, but you know the rules, right.” I eyed him seriously.
“Don’t go out of sight, and no fighting with the other kids.” We both said in unison.
“My smart boy,” I said ruffling his hair. “And Alex, don’t forget today we will leave early, mumma has a very important presentation to make.” I reminded him.
Tomorrow I have a very important presentation with one of the top clients of the company I now work for. I was promoted last month and this time I will be making the presentation, it’s a big responsibility, I sighed thinking about it. I hope everything goes well and I don’t screw anything.
“I know mumma,” Alex replied and ran towards the kids.
I went to the small shop opposite the road and ordered Alex’s vanilla shake and my Cappuccino.
“One Cappuccino and a vanilla shake right up,” the young lad said beaming at me.
I paid the bill and made my way back to the park, holding the coffee in one hand and vanilla shake in another.
I and Alex are happy here, may be not the best, but it’s a peaceful life.
Initially it was very tough to keep Agustin out of my mind, every thing, good and bad just kept repeating in my head, day and night, but it got better with time, I can’t say now I have completely forgotten about Agustin, maybe that will never be possible after the past I had shared with him, but at least he is not a constant thing in my head anymore, he had stopped being that since quite sometime now.
And Jacob, many a times I came this close to calling him, asking him if everything was alright, how was he? How was Agustin? But I have always been unfair to Jacob and it was time to let him move forward, let both of them move forward, let’s not make it difficult for him, it’s better this way.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I walked straight into someone’s muscular chest and spilled all the hot coffee over the person’s white shirt.
Oh my god! What have I done!
I started apologizing furiously for my clumsiness, meanwhile rubbing his chest vigorously to ease the burning pain.
Then an idea struck in my mind as I looked at Alex’s chilled vanilla shake in my other hand, and poured it on his already ruined shirt right where the coffee stain was a moment ago.
“This will make it better!” I said shyly.
I felt his chest vibrate with laughter, ” this was your idea of making it better?” a husky, velvety, voice said, swirling in amusement.
His voice clicked something in my head, and I immediately bobbed my head up to meet with a pair of familiar radiant eyes, sparkling with mischief. My heart caught in my throat as recognition drowned on me, past memories flashing infront of me, memories I am not very proud of, uh-ha. This is not good.
“How have you been, Onika Coulin?” He asked, his brows arching up ever so slowly, waiting for my answer.
Holy Virgin Mary, this person, standing infront of me could have been any person out of the seven billion population of the world, but fuck my luck, it has to be….
Theodore Blake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Third person’s pov…..
A person in his late twenties, sitting on a master chair spoke to the girl infront of him.
“I want you to bring down Deluca Corporation” His voice was burning with suppressed rage.
De Luca Corporation. The girl frowned. This can be risky, every one knows, how ruthless the CEO of De Luca Corporation is. But before she can explore her thoughts her boss spoke as if reading her thoughts.
“Once the job is done, you will get a heavy sum of money.”
That got her attention, money was something she was desperatly in need of, and this is what she is best at ” what do I have to do?” She asked.
“You have to bring me crucial informations, informations that can help me ruin Agustin Deluca.”
“Am I right to think that you want me to trick Agustin Deluca into giving me informations?” She asked a bit tensed, Agustin Deluca is famous for his ruthlessnes, betraying him is equivalent to digging her own grave, she knew.
“No.” He simply said, making her furrow her eyebrows in confusion.
“I want you to target, Jacob Knights.”
“The COO?” She asked, raising her brows in a questioning manner, she had no idea where things were leading.
“Yes, Jacob Knights practically runs Deluca Corporation, Agustin trusts him, he has as much knowledge of the company as much Agustin does, if not more,” Her boss said.
She was good at reading people, and she can tell that her boss knew them well, so well that she might even conclude they were once friends.
“Consider it done.” She said finally.
“Don’t be ahead of yourself, it may not be as easy as you think, Hazel Blair.”
“Of course I know it’s not easy, or else you wouldn’t have chosen me,” she retorted.
He smiled at that, this is what he liked about her, she had the air of confidence around her and not to forget she never had once in her life failed in her task.
“But there is a catch,” he added, ” he might be in love with someone else.”
Her eyes widened a bit, before she immidiatly masked her surprise.
“Who would that be?” She asked, with a hint of curiosity in her voice.
“Onika Coulin.”
“Onika Coulin, as in Agustin Deluca’s ex-wife, Onika Coulin?” She asked in disbelief, what kind of best friends are they, she wondered.
Her boss nodded his head in positive.
The fucker, she thought.
“How much time do I have.” She asked.
“No more than three months.”
“Okay then, I will meet you in three months with all the information you need,” she said with finality, making her way out of the room.
Jacob Knights, be ready to get whipped, here comes your ruin.” She thought as a small smile tugged at her lips, the thrill of her upcoming mission already pumping adrenaline through her veins.
Little did she know, she had just signed away her own ruin, and this time it maybe her heart that will pay the cost.
Entering into Jacob Knights life might even be her biggest mistake, but the deal is made and their fates tangled together, for better or for worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~××××××××××~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END.