I reached my room angrily ignoring my mom’s shouts. I sat on the bed slamming the table beside it. I never felt much angry, frustrated above all sadness ever before. The emotions were hitting me different. My first love turned out to be tragic. Damn my life!
“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been searching for you, Stella.” My mom entered in my room shouting.
Looking at my worst condition when I was totally a mess she shouted coming towards me. “Oh my god, Stella! What happened to you?”
She sat beside me and I hugged her crying. She patted my back consoling.
“What happened Stella?” My mom asked worried.
I wiped my tears saying “I’m wrong about everyone. No one is good as they project themselves. I hate it mom. I hate everyone.”
She looked at me with a confused face hearing my vague explanation. I was in a position when I was losing all my control and about to tell everything to my mom that’s when Anna entered in.
“Ann! You are here. I’m so scared. What happened to Stella?” My mom asked Anna.
Anna stood in front of us saying “She was… um… depressed with everything that’s happening in… the college.”
“Okay, what’s happening in your college?”
“Aunt it’s like everything is messed up. Betrayals, stress and… um, a lot of things. I… I’ll take care of her, Aunt. She’ll be alright.”
Thanks to Anna! If she had come even a second late, I might had told everything to my mom that would really upset her.
My mom held my hand saying “Betrayals, heart breaks, cheating, stress and everything is a part of any person when they are growing up. You should be strong, Stella. Take rest and let everything go.”
Anna looked at my mom saying “I’ll be with her.”
My mom nodded her head and stood from the bed saying “I guess she needs a friend now. Take care of her, Anna.”
Anna sat beside me while my mom strolled out. Anna wiped my tears asking “Tell me. What happened when I left?”
“I went to Harry’s house and we fought.” I tried to say in between my sobs. “He didn’t and will never love me. He broke my heart.”
Anna’s face turned worried and she started patting my back while my tears kept rolling down. Then I told her everything that happened at his house. She looked really shocked after listening to me. She spoke “I didn’t expect this, Stella. I thought he has feelings for you and more.”
“He didn’t even care about our feelings, Anna. I’m angry with myself. It’s my fault. I knew his behaviour and about him still I loved him. I’m a fool, Anna.”
She became silent and I could see she was also fuming. She consoled me for few minutes and I started to feel better in her presence but the wound was still hurting.
I wiped my tears asking “Did you meet Roman?”
She nodded her head as Yes and I asked “What happened?”
“I fought with him and he kept pleading me for forgiveness. He said he was not in his senses so he did that. He promised on me that he would never do such things and asked to give him a chance.”
“So what did you decide?”
“I told him I need some time to forgive and forget whatever he did. Then I came here.”
We both talked for sometime. Whatever Roman did was a mistake and he deserve forgiveness but whatever Harry did was not a mistake. It’s beyond that and I won’t think the things would be same between us again.
The next two days I didn’t went to my college as I didn’t want to see Harry’s face. I even deleted his contact and kept crying for him. Harry too didn’t text me or call me or tried to meet me. Why would he? He doesn’t care about anyone except about himself.
I was tired of myself for crying again and again over a guy. I never thought I would be in such a situation in my life. Anna convinced me to go to college with her and I accepted as I was frustrated on myself for my stupid behaviour. I saw Harry in the college. He seemed fine. Like a normal one.
I kept looking at him not saying anything and he was doing the same. We both were looking at eachother till Anna interrupted me. Harry and I broke the gaze then I strolled to my classroom with Anna.
It’s really hard to see someone as a stranger when you got the best memories from them. The same was happening to me. Harry and I were started acting like strangers. I didn’t even concentrate on my classes as my mind was filled with the thoughts about him.
I was near my locker taking my books for the next class. I was trying so hard to act normal in the college but I was failing. When I was already frustrated and sad over all things, Vickie strolled to me speaking “Oh poor Stella! I can’t imagine how you are dealing the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you.”
This bitch! She didn’t even know the whole truth about our fucked up relationship yet talking the shit just to piss me off.
I took my books and started strolling away but she halted my way giving me an evil look that only Vickie could do.
She said “Told you, guys like him changes girls so easily but you didn’t listen to me.”
I let out a sigh hearing her and shouted “Can you just leave me alone?” I pushed her away and walked to my classroom cursing her. When I was about to enter into my classroom, I bumped into someone. I raised my head and my brown eyes met emerald ones. I gave him an angry look and walked away angrily not speaking anything. After many hours of torture in the college, I reached my house.
It was difficult to not talk to someone when we badly wanted to talk to them. I wanted to talk to Harry but my self respect was stopping me to do that. Anna too stopped talking to Harry. I heard Roman had a fight with Harry as he was the reason for Roman and Anna’s quarrel. They both stopped talking to eachother for two days. Then again went to normal. The brothers bond.
Roman kept asking Anna to talk to him but she was not talking. She wanted to make him know how angry she was on him. The truth was Anna forgave him already but was acting like she was still angry with him. Finally she forgave him and they were together as usual.
Another important thing, there was a hot gossip that’s going around our college. The talk about Harry’s and mine broke up. Everyone noticed we both were not talking to eachother and realized we both, what they say, broke up. The talk seemed no impact on him but I was deeply hurt. The talk about he would get a new girlfriend so soon, we both won’t talk to eachother and a lot of stupid things. They were making me depressed.
I was acting normal during the day time but at nights I started to cry. I never felt that weak till the thing that happened to me that made me weak. Usually when any girl said she was crying over a guy, I used to think she was so dramatic. Karma is a bitch. Look at me now, I had been doing the same. I was getting disgusted with myself.
Days were passing still I couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. He stopped coming to my house and I barely go to his building for granny. My mom even asked me why Harry was not coming. I simply replied as I had no idea but she was intelligent so she understood we both had a fight but she had no idea why we had it.
I was in my room surrounded with many drawing sheets. I had been spending a lot of time in drawing. Other than that I was not doing anything including my dance. We stopped practicing for the competition. How can we dance when we were not even looking at eachother?
I kept focusing on my drawing and folded it after I finished my work. I started searching for sheet holder and my gaze fell on a locket. The one he gave to me. Tears started streaming down as soon as I saw it and I sat on my bed remembering him. When I was in my thoughts, Anna entered in and let out a frustrating sigh after seeing me crying.
“You can’t always think about him, Stella.”
“I’m trying, Anna. I’m trying so hard to not think about him but I can’t.”
She held my hand saying “While thinking about him, you are losing yourself. Let it go, Stella.”
“Is it that easy to let everything go?” I asked while tears rolling down my cheeks.
“No it is not but you have to or you are going to punish yourselves by hurting yourself. You are not this Stella whom I knew. You were strong, beautiful but look at you now, you look fragile and ugly with the dark circles under your eyes.”
I let out a small chuckle hearing her. She was right. I can’t always punish myself thinking about him. I should lead my life like I used to. I’ve to let go of everything. I have to move on.