Alex’s POV –
“Cora smiled, her toothy grin causing her parents to laugh out loud. She told them she loved them whilst all three went to the nearest store to buy hot chocolate and marshmallows.” I read softly, my eyes scanning over the text from the children’s story book. Ariana is propped up against her hospital bed, her grey eyes slightly heavy due to her drugged up state. There’s the faintest smile on her face, her shoulders slumped and relaxed into the pillows.
“Cora should be lucky she has such great parents.” Ariana murmurs, her words croaky. I shake my head, smiling in her direction.
“Si hermosa, do you want me to continue?” I ask her, holding the hard backed book up in the air. Ariana nods but the door suddenly opens, cutting me off from continuing.
“Oh my god, Ariana!”
“Oh sweetheart, you’re alive!”
My eyes land on her foster parents, rushing to her side. I notice their frenzied actions, a sign of good parents. Ariana’s eyes light up as she sees them before masking over with a thick sheen of glossy tears. She sniffles loudly, unable to stop the tears from falling. The sad expression on her face makes me want to scoop her up in my arms and apologise over and over again for her pain. My eyes drop to the floor and the familiar tight feeling in my chest begins to increase.
“I’ve missed you guys so much.” Ariana cries, hugging both of them. All three of them sniffle, clutching at each other, too afraid to let go. I feel like I’m intruding their special moment so I stand up, ready to leave the room silently. Ariana’s dad notices me and suddenly turns, his eyes widening in surprise. He reaches up and wipes at his eyes, clearing his throat. My eyes drop to the floor again and I pull my hands out of my jeans, standing up straight.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sir.” I say quietly. When I speak, it alerts Ariana’s mother and she also whirls around in surprise. An awkward silence falls upon us inside the hospital room and I inwardly cringe at the tension.
“Ariana, honey. Who is this?” Her mother says tightly, taking a step back. I can feel her burning gaze on me, my tattoo’s, the multiple scars running down my skin. A feeling of sadness washes over me because I’m not enough, I’ll never be good enough for Ariana.
“I’m Alex, I’m a friend of Ariana’s.” I introduce myself, taking a step forward. I force myself to plaster a smile on my face, trying to look as friendly as possible. Ariana’s father glances between me and her and when I take a slight look at Ariana, her face is crumpled up with confusion. Tears continue to stream down her cheeks but I feel a punch to my gut as I realise the tears were caused by my words.
I announced myself as her friend.
“It’s nice to meet you Alex.” Her father is the first to speak, his voice wavering a little. He takes a step closer and holds out his hand and I immediately take hold of it, giving it a firm shake. Ariana’s mother is next and she gives me a small nod which I return with a equally small smile.
“Are you the one who found our daughter?” She whispers quietly, her eyes scanning down my body and back up again. I close my eyes briefly and nod. I don’t expect to feel her launch herself at me, arms wrapping around my shoulders. Her heavy perfumed scent immediately hits me and I politely return her embrace.
“Thank you! Thank you so much. You saved our baby.” She cries, her words muffled into my shoulder. The guilt contin-ues to eat me up alive and I nod, taking a step back.
“It was my pleasure. She means a lot to me.” I tell both of them. Her father is watching me quietly, not judgementally but rather curiously. I look over at Ariana again and she’s still crying, her beautiful face looking so pained. My heart clenches in pain and I walk towards her, forgetting about the presence of her parents. I cup her cheeks with my hands, leaning down to look into the swirls of her grey eyes. She studies me from under the thickness of her lashes, eyes looking so bro-ken and pained.
“Te Amo Ariana, you’re still mine.” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers. My words are spoken only for her. She closes her eyes and lets out a slow sob, nodding her head. I know she understands. I quickly place a quick kiss on her forehead before standing up straight and taking a deep breath. When I turn around to leave, her parents are both watching me, their eyes wide.
“It was nice to meet you. I’ll give you a moment.” I tell them firmly before leaving. I close the door softly behind me, their expression still clear in my mind. For a moment or two, I lean back against the wall, collecting my thoughts. It feels like the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders and I’m struggling to balance it.
“Coffee, that’s what I need.” I mumble to myself, pushing my body off the wall and heading for the hospital cafeteria. My feet feel heavy with the burden and guilt surrounding me. It’s overwhelming and I have to take a break, my hand reaching up to rub at my temples. I should have announced our relationship to Ariana’s parents. The confusion that flashes through her eyes from my words made me hate myself further.
Why is it I can never stop hurting her?
Maybe after all this, she’s better off without me. A fresh start without the pain and misery I bring along with me. Despite leaving Papa’s business, I’ll always carry around heavy secrets, suffering and agony to loved ones around me. It wasn’t too long ago Caleb and Nikki were at this hospital, grieving the loss of their unborn baby.
That’s also on my shoulders.
It suddenly feels difficult to breathe, my consequences of the lifestyle I chose suffocating me. I feel the restriction on my lungs grow until I’m almost gasping for air, alarming people passing by. I shake my head furiously as my vision begins to blur, making me see double. A nurse stands a few feet away from me and upon noticing my difficulty to breathe, she scurries to my side.
“Are you okay? Sir? Can you hear me?”
I nod my head despite her words ringing in my ears on a continuous loop. My hand shakily reaches out to grab hold of the wall and I feel her hands rest on my shoulders, guiding me. A few stumbling steps later and the back of my legs hits the seat of a chair. I lower myself down into it and a cup of water is thrusted into my palm.
“Drink this, it’ll make you feel better. Can you tell me your name?” The nurse asks me, bending down so she’s eye level. I bring the cup up to my lips, the cool liquid travelling its way down my throat. It doesn’t do much for the overbearing feel-ing inside my chest but it does allow me to breathe easier.
Who knew the stress and guilt of my actions would finally come back to haunt me all at once?
“Alex, my name is Alex.”