THIS WILL BE your room for now. I’m planning to buy new stuff so you can be comfortable here, ” she explained carefully leaning her back at the door.
I stared at Lara for a moment. I want to asked her directly about what happened between her and his husband Dawzon, but I’m not in the position to do that. My fixedly glance continued, and like me she’s also didn’t ask any personal questions about my sudden arrival as her child’s babysitter.
“For the mean time, you’ll sleep in Carlson’s room first,” she added, pulled out the curtains to open and the sunlight stream to the window.
I carefully wandered around the bedroom. The bedding is warm and soft. The couch is perfectly in place at the right corner of the room and the wall was painted with plain white colors which is giving a peaceful ambience to the room.
“If you have a few questions don’t be shy, okay.” she softly said, and turn her face to me.
I timidly smile at her and nodded. The fact that I’m not comfortable talking to her, seems it doesn’t matter to her. Instead she smile widely in replied.
“All right, you can fix your things, I’ll just go out to check on Carlson,” she said goodbye to me before leaving the room.
It’s been a few minutes but I feel like I’m still catching my breath. Everything is getting too complicated for me. Now I want to step back. I don’t think I can handle this job. But when I think that this is the only way to escape Rexon’s pressure, it seems that I will have the courage.
I will try to act normally and do the job to the best of my ability even if it hurts. This was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain. The suffering and the endless lines of emotion that were in store for me. And I don’t give a fuck, if I cut my arms bleeding.
I walk towards the window, as if the light could soothe me, where I can see the oval shape swimming pool in the distance and the oversized cottage nearby. And all of a sudden, my life has become this one big; I don’t know. I feel so raw, like there is no skin over my pain and the wind makes it bleed.
I arranged my belongings, I put them one by one in the closet and stacked them. I smiled when I put the picture of Dad and me on the side table, I will definitely miss him. It’s good that it doesn’t asked me anything about my job. I told him to I rent an apartment near my place of work so that I would have less difficulty in traveling, which he did not question. Maybe I’ll just ask for a weekly day-off to visit him.
I decided to leave the room. I filled my chest with air before stepping into the living room.
I could hear a joyful laughter from the distance. It would echo through the halls and into each and every room in the house. Rexon and Lara are comfortably sitting on the couch, while Rexon is carrying Carlson in his lap.
I cleared my throat first upon entering the room, without them noticing me. I’m transparently invisible walking towards the kitchen. They didn’t even notice my presence.
I bit my lower lip since I reached the kitchen sink. I held on tightly for a few minutes before I thought of heading to the refrigerator to get some water.
I need to refresh my mind, if I could just pour cold water on my head to get wet I would.
“Cherry,” I quickly turned to Lara who was about to enter the kitchen with her child.
“Ah, I’m just a little thirsty.” I muttered, bowed my head to the floor.
“I will bake you a cookies.” Take Carlson upstairs first, he looks tired from playing.”
I nodded and took the child from her arms. I smiled at Carlson who obviously still recognized me, but since he had almost turned a blind eye to feeling drowsy I decided to put him to sleep.
“It looks like Carlson is getting sleepy, I’ll put him to sleep upstairs first.” I say goodbye to her.
“All right,” she replied softly.
When I returned to the living room. I never saw Rexon there, maybe he had left. I won’t admit it but I’m really hurt by his disregard for me. It shouldn’t be me, hurt; the feeling hurts every time I see him talking to other girls, the feeling of second best, feeling that you’re not good enough.
When I laid Carlson down in the crib, he was sound asleep. I gently stroked her head before I left after gently closing the door and decided to go down to help Lara in the kitchen.
But at the top of the stairs I stopped walking. It took me a second to notice that Rexon was leaning against the railings of the stairs with his arms folded softly over his wide chest and patiently waiting for me.
I gripped the handle of the ladder tightly and walked slowly up the stairs, and he looked up. His eyes give a dazzling make my bones brittle. I feel like I’m going to fall if I don’t get my knees down.
I stopped a few steps away from him and met his gaze. I feel my heart slowly and painfully torn.
“What are you doing here?” I talked to him rudely.
“How are you here?” he asks me Instead.
I narrowed my eyes and grinned. Out of pity, how did he ask me that question?
I felt he grab my wrist so I quickly looked up to pinch his hand.
“If you’re asking me, am I okay? I’m definitely fine!” I exclaimed, then shot him a disgusted glance.
I heard his violent sigh at me. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you,” he said in his weak voice.
“You always are, starting battles and your shitty personality.” I whispered, giving him a non-funny chuckle.
I continued to walk but he quickly blocked my path so that I could use my wrist again. Its unwavering gaze, tears my heart.
“Are you mad?” he asked weakly.
“I’m not mad at you, I don’t want this conversation to go away…” I answered casually.
“Cherry, I know you’re upset. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or cause you pain.” he added, his voice weak and husky.
“There’s no point in being angry here, Rex. Haven’t we already talked about this?” I said no tone. I saw that he was stunned by my answer before he gently released my wrist.
“I’m sorry.” he breathed and stepped closer to me. My whole body froze, making alignment we think. My gaze quickly went to the kitchen, where at any moment Lara would appear.
“This is not the right place to talk about your feelings.” I growled, then looked away.
He slowly approached me and pulled me closer to him. My heart feels like it’s about to rip out of my chest.
“I want to wrap my arms tightly around you in this moment,” he said in hardly more than a whisper.
“Please, Rex stop this.” I pronounce. I quickly backed away to avoid him but he took one more step closer to me.
“I really tried to act normal and pretend you weren’t here, ” he whispered, looking straight into my eyes.
I want to look back on him but I can’t. It was as if I was stone-magnetized by the constant stare at me.
I thought it was just a joke, but I was shocked when he suddenly hugged me. His embrace was warm, and the large and strong arm seemed very protective and gentle.
My world around me melted. Being able to touch him this way again feels so good. I feel the voltage of the electricity flowing through me reach up to the strands of my hair. But within seconds he pulled away.
“I need a hug from you, nothing else.” He thrust his sadful words to my ear before slightly moving away from me. It’s amazing how words can do that. Just cut your heart out and easily bury your heart six feet in the ground.
“You and I will always be an unfinished business,” he whispered into my hair, and blew me a sweet kiss on the cheek.
I could do nothing but follow him as he headed into the kitchen.