FEW DAYS after our photoshoot in San Simon I am here now in front of his office. I want to clarify everything with us and bring back what we used to be.
“Miss Banaag, you can come in now.” His secretary woke me up.
“Ah, Thank you,” I calmly said, filled my lungs with air before turning the door still open.
I reached for him who bent over some papers when I entered so I tasted first before speaking.
“Good morning,” I greeted him with a lovely smile on my face.
He looked up at me before he closed the folder in front of him. “Please, take a seat Miss Banaag,” he said with his formal tone of voice.
I quickly followed what he said and gently sat down in front of him without taking away the sweet smile.
“What made you here today?” he asked, tilted his head to me.
“Ah, actually I-I came here because… I, I want to invite you for a lunch?” I timidly say and pressed my lips together. “A lunch-date rather.” I added, then I smiled.
He leaned back in his chair and quickly raised his hand to lightly play with his lips in front of me. My eyes stare down to his lips, and I don’t know where do I find the surface to breathe in because of his lethal stare. In the end I chose to avoid looking at him.
“Lunch date?” he utterly said so. His smile slid off to his face and his eyes flashed to me.
I swallowed hard and nodded, I could feel my heart pounding so fast for fear that he would reject my offer.
“As you can see, I have a lot of work today. But since you have an effort coming here, who am I to refuse?” he said with his soft tone voice.
I couldn’t help but give him a big smile especially when he started to stand up to guide me out of his office. I let him decide which restaurant we would eat at.
I was almost halfway through the contents of my plate but were still nothing breaking the silence between the two of us.
“Nicholas?” I utter. Our eyes lock over the lunch table. The soft expressions of only a few weeks ago was evaporated. I lower my fork and spoon before I look at him.
Nicholas hold my gaze, but instead of warmth face of a lover it is with an icy hostility. I was hum to myself before I tried to speak.
“I’m sorry about last time, I didn’t meant to hurt you,” I muttered and looking away.
Instead of answering he also lowered the cutlery and sipped champagne from his flute glass.
“We can still be friends, can’t we?” I said next. I bravely stare those cold-blooded eyes and suddenly stopped breathing.
But what he replied in return is just a plain smile. I stiffened my back against the chair and waited for him to say anything but he was just snorting.
“Please, say something!” I expelled. I watched as the whites in his eyes turned a pure black. His lethal stare felt painful and It finding me hard to breathe.
“Of course, we can be friends,” he replied with his guttural voice. The left side of his faint lip tugged upward creating a smirk on his face.
And I was so damn speechless. I lolled my head to one side, pushing out my red lips just a little. I didn’t expect him to accept everything so easily.
“You know what? Isn’t it unfair that you still want me to be part of your life even if you rejected me?” he straightly said without a pause.
I was stunned by what he said. I seemed to want to sink into the chair with great shame. His emotional pain seeps out in his words and it hurts to hear them, hurts to read them. I sense what is inside his shattered eyes, yet he is so brave and tenacious like a strong fighter.
“Not like that, I mean we can be friends after all. ” I returned the enthusiasm to my voice even though he wanted to give up earlier.
“Well then, if you want me in your life, put me there. I shouldn’t be fighting for the spot,” he speak vehemently, pointing his finger on the table.
I bit my lip damn hard, I seem to have swallowed the words a thousand times I thought of saying. I could do nothing but bow.
Silence suffocate me. It’s strange, how hollow I feel right now. I can’t come up with the right word for it.
“So how long did you want me to stay?” he spoke with a tremulous voice, tilted his head and wait to my reply. He went back to eating as if he had nothing to say.
My lips were tightly pursed, I was held hostage by his appraising glance and I couldn’t think of anything to answer. I’m not sure which is scarier, letting someone get to close or pushing them away when they do.
Eventually I faced him with full of courage. And at this point I have decided… I still don’t want to lose him.
“Please, stay forever…”
*****
I looked up at the two story house in front of me while carrying a handbag in my hand. I shut my eyes for a moment and breathe laboriously. My heart nearly leapt out to my chest.
I didn’t seem to have the strength to press the doorbell in front of me. I had to count many more times before I could think of ringing the doorbell. And suddenly someone’s open the door for me. She’s wearing a simple white T-shirt and black leggings, her hair pull back in a ponytail. No lipstick, no makeup, just plain.
“Cherry?” Lara’s eyes widely open in surprised, a soft voice lingers in me. It was as if I had heard some music.
“Hi!” I greeted her with a consistent smile on my face.
“What are you doing here?” she asked with stonishment. She’s also looked down at the handbag I was carrying.
I was not able to answer because from behind her. A man came out.
The reason for everything why I was here. The reason why I can no longer hold my tomorrow. The reason why heart pounding so fast, and why I couldn’t see my future with someone else.
Rexon… Remind me that love isn’t easy, but its worth fighting for.