Liza eyed the box kept on her nightstand warily. It was like Pandora’s Box. Liza knew that it would only add to her conflicted feelings and should leave it like that, but she was also having trouble in resisting the temptation to open it. She had always been curious and this box was increasing her inquisitiveness every second. Finally, frustrated of herself, Liza gave into the temptation and opened the box while cursing herself.
She slid open the lid of the box to find a rose colored paper folded and kept on the box in which she kept the letters she wrote to Jonathan but never gave him. Liza was surprised that Jonathan had found the box. She had meant to take the box with her when she had left the house but had somehow managed to forget it. To be honest she had forgotten all about the Letters. She had started writing letters as a way to let out her feelings, those feelings which were next to impossible for her to tell Jonathan in person.
Growing up, Liza never had many friends. She was liked by all but she rarely got close to people. Her only friend had been Alex. After Carter left she became even more withdrawn. It was hard for her to speak about her feelings, so she took to writing letters.
Liza took out the box of letters from the white box and placed it beside her on the bed. Then she unfolded the rose colored paper and started reading it.
‘To Liza,
I am not sure whether you will even open this letter but I hope you do. If you are reading this I want you to know that I Love You. I know I have said it many times and that you stopped believing it a long time back. My words, my love you’s and my sorry’s might mean nothing to you by now, but when I say them I mean them. I have meant every single I Love You and every single sorry.
I have realized that I have already lost you to my own mistakes. There is no one to blame, not even Stacy. It was me who broke your trust and the noble thing would be to hang my head in shame of what I have done and let you go. I will keep my head bowed down in shame forever Liza but I don’t think that I am capable enough to let you go without at least trying to earn your forgiveness. So, I am begging you to please read this letter till the end.
I am sure that nothing will change after reading this letter, I will still be the cheating fool who lost his reason to live and you will still be the woman whose trust I have broken, but I will like to think that it will at least express how I feel about you and about us. I tried to tell you this in person but I keep messing up whenever I try to say something.
The past two and a half years have been difficult for me. After our marriage, I immediately took over a company and drowned myself in work. I distanced myself from you and I hate myself for not seeing what I was doing then. I thought Stacy was my friend and I failed to recognize the advances she was making, but as much as I want to put whole blame on Stacy, I can’t. First it was a drunken Kiss. We had closed a very important deal and Stacy and I were celebrating it. Stacy got drunk and I was also tipsy. She kissed me and I responded back for a moment in my haze but I stopped when I realized what I was doing. I wish I could tell you that I had recognized the potential threat it posed to our relationship and had distanced myself from Stacy but I can’t say that.
It was about a month later after the kiss when shit went down. I am not even sure how it went from a drunken kiss to this. We were away for a business trip to Chicago, You and I had gotten into an argument around that time. I had stupidly confided everything to Stacy and had repeated the same mistake I had made a month ago. After then one thing led to another and by the time I came to my senses, I had already committed the sin of betraying you. It wasn’t the last time, after the first time it happened again and again, mostly when I was away on business trips.
There is no reason that can justify my betrayal and there is nothing that I can tell you to make you stay but I will like to say while I have a chance that it never meant anything more than sex to me. It was always physical. I felt like I was the lowest scum on earth after doing it and every time I did it, I promised myself to never do it again. But somehow I always ended up back with Stacy. I was lonely and even though you were there I couldn’t come to you. I thought that you wouldn’t understand.
I regret what I did every single day and I will continue to do so till I take my last breath because my lack of resolve costed me the most precious thing I had. That day when I asked you for divorce, I had seen you at hospital, someone was kissing you on the forehead and you were holding him tight. I was jealous and insecure. Ever since the day I began cheating on you, I was afraid that you will find out about it and leave me. You used tell me that I was perfect for you but I never believed it because I knew that you could do so much better than me.
…….