Katya
I wonder if I should start with the statement that I never asked to become Queen of Alphas.
Sometimes, I feel like I need to remind people of the fact since everyone seems overjoyed and at other times, act like I asked for this power and title.
I didn’t, I never wanted all that power and extra responsibilities-the same as I never asked for this crazy amount of goddamn stress. I think my hair is graying, and my anxiety levels are through the roof.
I still feel like I’m putting it all too mildly. Just the thought of walking into the meeting sends me into a frenzy of hyperventilation, shaking limbs and to the absolute verge of madness.
If anyone ever bothered to ask me how I feel about this, they would know that I feel I’m inadequate and unfit to be ruler. Who would have thought that moving blindly into Ezra’s pack would alter my entire life?
Never in a million years, would I have thought I would ever become a Queen. That is the sort of shit that happens in fairy tales.
I like reading them, but that doesn’t mean I want to become fucking Cinderella. In fact, I don’t think there is any fairytale written that could stand close to the bullshit my life has become.
Sometimes I think that my life would have been simpler if I had no wolf. A year and a half ago, no one knew I existed, and now I am some deity that everyone expects shit from.
I feel like a bloody imposter.
“Will you stop pacing? You are making me dizzy.” Mateo grimaces, making me stop and tense.
What the hell? Since when did he join me? Am I really that lost in my own thoughts to overlook the presence of my mate? So darn trapped in dread that I don’t notice any of them entering the room?
My eyes snap to Mateo, and then to the movement on my right. Ezra steps out of the closet in his suit, looking as delicious as ever. I shake the thought away and go back to my pacing, something is seriously wrong with my libido. My thoughts always go to the gutter the moment they are around.
“Kat, seriously, what is wrong?” Mateo prods.
My eyes widen and a surprised gasp leaves my lips as I run a hand through my hair. “Are you kidding? I am about to be fed to the wolves, literally fed to god damn Alpha wolves as soon as I walk in there. I don’t want to challenge anyone’s title,” I tell him, possibly way louder than needed to get my point across with him.
Mateo sighs and shakes his head. “Well, unfortunately, that isn’t up to you. Powers are determined by ranking, and you outrank everyone. Did you seriously think it would be like a regular Alpha meeting that no one would notice and challenge your rank?”
I am listening. I really am. And yet, I can’t help but focus on the ‘duh’ tone of his voice. Mateo acts as if I was supposed to know the way things would go just like he is describing the possibility. Of course, I never fucking thought of that part! Why would I? I am a mother now, I need to focus on my children, mates, and the pack. When do I have time to come up with scenarios that might, or might not, come true?
I stop, turning to face Mateo and send him my best ‘don’t you fucking dare’ glare at him. “Uh, yeah, I did! I am not Queen material. I don’t even like leaving the house, let alone dealing with not just one pack but hundreds now,” I object, and Ezra chuckles behind me. My head snaps in his direction and I all but hiss at that sexy, arrogant piece of shitcake. “What’s so funny?”
“You are. You literally brought an entire pack back from the dead and killed yourself to do it. And you don’t think you are worthy of ruling? You have already proven you would give your life for the sake of others, not many can say they died for their pack or a rival pack. Anyway, feel free to entertain me, and please tell me how you are not worthy of being their Queen,” Ezra encourages.
My eyes widen at him. Irritation sizzles beneath my skin and it quickly grows into a bubble of rage. My eyes meet his and the sheer determination in them kills me in one blow. I give up, I throw my hands up and stomp my foot. “Can’t you do it, just challenge the Alpha of Alpha’s so I don’t have to?”
“If it makes you feel any better, I am sure all three of us will be challenged there. Kat, we all outrank them. But you, more so.” Ezra replies with a hint of something hidden behind his words. Is that a warning? Or is that concern for my well-being?
Well, beats the shit out of me. Also, no. The fuck, it doesn’t make me feel any better. If anything, it sends my mind into another frenzy of worry about their well-being! And how hard can it be for Ezra to beat someone’s ass while I sneak off and steal some cupcakes from their secret stash? I’m sure they have some there.
I roll my eyes at Ezra and his stupid words. “That’s a load of crap, you don’t bow to me, so what makes you think this Dominic will?” I snap.
“We are equals, and mates, that’s how it works. You, becoming a Goddess, just amped our auras up, making us your Kings. And you are wrong, by the way. Your aura is stronger than mine, you just don’t know how to use it properly.” Ezra remarks smugly.
I have a feeling that sly ass is happy about my inability to use something that could push him to a disadvantage. But then again, I have tried, haven’t I?
I furrow my brows, more than a little confused. “I have used it heaps on you, and you never falter,” I point out.
“I promise I do feel it, Kat. Why do you think I get Maddox out? The sick bastard actually likes the pain, and that’s the only reason I can resist it, is because I let Maddox move forward with me. Oh, and also because he is a stubborn prick and waits for you to exert too much energy.” Ezra winks at me.